u aint worth the tears

slept at 4.15am and now im awake at 7.38am..
wanted to sleep more but thot i shuld blog instead..

im tired but i tink if i were to go back i cant slept either..or ill jus oversleep cox i gtta wake up at 830am aniwae to meet mel for subject reg. at 930am

mtg charmaine ltr!hee..finally mtg her and YESH! passing her her prezzie which i bot 1 mth bfore xmas and now its lyk xmas' over...yah..

my room is quiet now only the sds of morning crickets outside...

if only i din wake up and read the msges..if only i din saw him online ytd..it felt so familiar yet so distant..couldnt really reply his msn msges properly as i was chatting with my freshie frm 12 odd to 4 odd..yah..in my room..

im blessed with a lot of things..its only when it comes to this issue dat im lyk
thrown apart..

it was a msg which was super long..had to clear 3 of my xmas greeting msges bfore me could read the entire one..

'whus the boy whu made u cry?'
i couldnt sae hes you..

'you still haven told me whu made ya cry?'
i really cant tell ya hes you..

'hw cn ya not tell me somethings?'
cox ya r simply him..

its been a long time since i last thot of him..was on the bus home the day before when the nostalgia came and was relishing those moments..tears whelmed but i didnt tear..i was strong..i din wan to tear and i thot that u really aint worth the tears..

din noe u went taiwan..im sorry i thot u forgt bt things or to be direct forgt that u haf a mei..yah..im sorry..

lyk i say if ya were to disappear it may be easier for me to gt over things..nw uve made things harder for me again..i mean yeah..things can be changed but not the memories..

i hate to tear but ur msges made me so..jus so..i haf weakened..retreated frm my battle..but im nt withdrawing..yah great that u r gg off for an exchange..dat will be a piece off my mind..im not sure..mayb u will cm bk will more gals or shld i sae new gals..im caring less..

suddenly fel lyk slping again..its okie that u din gt to wish me merry xmas..i had a lonely xmas eve walking dn orchard rd...its alrite u cnt meet me bfore u leave..i tink its better that we dun meet..its alrite that u dunno whus the boy..its no big deal..its okie that u dont noe hw things r on my side..i dun blame you..its alrite not to bring bk anw presents..cox u never did..its okie that u r busy w lotsa stuff..its typical you...its okie that u dun fulfill wad ya promise..cox u seldom did..

ive survived the last few mths and im sure i cn win the battle in the months to come..'promise ya to work hard and be good?'..of cox ill do that but thats nt a promise to you..its wad i as my parents' daughter must do..n its wad im suppose and will do..

i will not promise ya anything cox i...

nvm..running out of thoughts..but i noe this msg is for me to keep for the mths to cm..its one which will bring bk the memories..the sadness..his happiness..his words..his wishes..mb i shld jus delete..mb not..mb delte ltr?i dunno..

enuff..im gg to nap for another 15 mins mans..tired alr..

where r u xmas?

im now slacking un my room..falling asleep soon..so i gtta quickly blog wadever is on my mind!haha

these 3 days have been rather fulfilling i tink..actually i cant actually recall what happened on mon..orhh!i remember!had hall's xmas party on mon's nitex..den ytd was..hmm..(pausing to tink hard again
orhh..had rehearsal for my hall's special project..at least dey saed i improved on my bitchy self!haha..dunno whether dats gd news or bad!haha
den supported takraw n we won!next was caroling at jurong pt n off to CTC chalet at pasir ris park!!haha..thanks CLARENCE!!thanks alot for booking the place yeah!!so sorrie cnt join u peeps on the first day however felt veri relaxed when i was dere as in back with familiar pple n with frans whom ive known for 4 years?wow!dats lyk hw fast ritex?heehee
rushed back to sch for carom umpiring den off to JP to carol again..great!we r left with 2 days of caroling 3 places n dats the end for this year's caroling session!heehee..hw nice!

wasd toking to von on the train back to school..its been so long so long since weve met and toked..hw nice if we cn meet up more often yeah?

xmas is here but i dun realli feel the mood!where r u xmas?

these few days gonna be lyk feasting so me gtta be careful of wad im ordering..one meal per day..starting tmr!!
tmr's mtg shanx, tingx n charms..hope we cn gt seats at swensens..den fri shld be gg for xmas party den sat mtg w ctc at sizzler n next week mtg w charmaine still tinking of where we shld go..n heys ur prezzie is rotting alr lahs!!haha..all these feasting will cfm make me grow fatter!urghh!no no no!!

MY FOREVER DIET PLAN!!!
haha..kkie tmr gtta wk up early again n its gonna be an exciting weekend ahead!heehee
COOL!!
haf fun n MERRY MERRY XMAS DEAR ALL!!

mes a 'bitch'

mes a bitch mes a bitch..a bitch a bitch and a bitch...

this is wad i mus haf in mind frm nw till the feb 24 n 25!
yah!mus act as a highclass snobbish rich educated curt BITCH!!

really tough man!
n im really feeling the stress!the stress!the lines n the expressions actions..wah!!
a bitch is no joke..really hafta put in a lot of effort n..yah let go!let go..thrw face!no face!
but yah ive restrictions..i tink im no aftall nt a bitch..i tink..i mean if ya tink otherwise u cn let me noe..

a bitch..alas..i will hafta chant n chant so dat it will be ingrainrd into me!!

I AM A BITCH!!

in hall again!

yah dis is the 2nd consecutive sat which im in hall!
todae is sheares hall exchange..last was Past n present..N next week will be another cox fri gt the co.'s DnD..wah!hw 'nice' ritex?

alas..wanna blog this down 'chopchop'

will be super busy dis cming n next week w caroling n hall..so cnt really go out..n CT chalet is cming..die me jus cnt fig out hw to shuffle here n dere...n i foresee myself dying..alas..tink i cnt make it..sianx...gt carrom to umpire in the day for 3 days n nitexS?carol!alas!hw hw??die die..

urghh n den frm the 23rd?

MOVE hall!aiyos..all the wae to the 28th..wad the HELL!!!

btw m lking fwd to my highlighted hair..haha

in hall on a sat morn!

yah dis is the 2nd consecutive sat which im in hall!
todae is sheares hall exchange..last was Past n present..N next week will be another cox fri gt the co.'s DnD..wah!hw 'nice' ritex?

alas..wanna blog this down 'chopchop'

will be super busy dis cming n next week w caroling n hall..so cnt really go out..n CT chalet is cming..die me jus cnt fig out hw to shuffle here n dere...n i foresee myself dying..alas..tink i cnt make it..sianx...gt carrom to umpire in the day for 3 days n nitexS?carol!alas!hw hw??die die..

urghh n den frm the 23rd?

MOVE hall!aiyos..all the wae to the 28th..wad the HELL!!!

btw m lking fwd to my highlighted hair..haha

left w no choice!

no wonder people say its needless to think so much for the future..sometimes preparing ahead will actually be fruitless..the efforts will go down the drain..when it comes it comes...and it WILL come no matter how we try to stop it!no nid to stop or do further..it is just our fate!

yah..i cant say wad happened as yet coz of politics..yah..
after the release of the news i can safely blog it down..

so i guess we've to really treasure the present, reminisce the past and maybe pray for the future?

wad future are we toking abt?theres no future for us to think about alr..in less than a years time..everything will be in memory and YES!in order to paint a better future i musnt slack now!
its different..i used to hate it to loathe it to complain bt it..but now..a sense of sadness is settling in..slowly n slowly..BUT im sure we r gg to do our best to keep the present n inspire the rest..hw much inspiration?
i do not noe..i jus noe that ive my duties to fulfill..live n cherish watever i haf now..

emotional?yah i am..tgt w the rest..i will be stronger..memories will always be dee no matter hw we try to avoid hw to forget..till den my heart will be sinking...but we will SURVIVE!!

sleepyhead confirmed

as im typing this entry..im confirmed falling asleep!
apart frm falling aslp im lyk msn-in..and thus my entry is lyk half-hearted..sighh..

i feel lyk slping!haha.

busy in sch these 3 days for caroling choir camp..yawns..sing till wanna cry..tml mus go buy n make honey water for the choir if not dey cfm will lose their voice...haha...wah actually me wanna slp before 12 but nws alr 1203am..yawns..me shall quickly finish it and zzzz!

actually dun really noe wad to blog..nvm..mb too tired alr!

kkie..dis morn went to visit the new hall..and i was really really taken aback dat hall 13 is jus a rd away frm e new hall 3!YUCKS!!DISGUSTING!LYK SHIT!!WANNA PUKE!!

its pure jealously..yah..it is..i jus dun wanna see him..anywhere near me...near where im staying..but the thot that she is living so near me irks me!
mb she will be off hall next sem alr?

the best thing is that he wun be in spore...n its good dat he will be in holland!great!the further he is the better..

i cannot deny e fact dat no matter hw far..hw much..hw hard i try..it will be there always..yah..always..wanting to forgt?its nt easy!it really isnt...wad i cn do nw is to channel me energy(nt much left)to hall..but my fuel is running low..jus pack my days and if possible spend time at hm to slack...to slack..to slack..

sighh..

dun tok bt dat alr..

ytd's choir was rather a flop..for a while i wa the onli soprano singing n me sing till i wanna die..literally..wanna die..all melody..all so hiong!wah!puke blood..jianming had to sing the bass and jeremiah sang tenor till he lost his voice..hmm..todaes morns n aft's attention was satisfactory but nitex suddenly disappear..aiyo..tmrs the last day..n hope everything will be fine!sighh...

good good tml cn go hm n haf fun for the next to days bfore me cm bk on fri for mtg n duties on sat..den sun is little peng pengs bdae!!great!gtta go hm early to gif tuition n go to cousins palce to celebrate my nephew's 1st bdae!orhh...so cute!

gtta slp...tml gtta go but tumbler for honey water...yawns

an end to my rottin daes..

yah..tmr will be e start of the daes ahead..cox of hall stuff:P
yah im complaining..on the other hand..im lyk slacking..

n yah...no more job for me during the weekends..super sad..the job sds so interesting but gtta haf lotsa guts!as in its really a public performance in twn!imagine gtting paid n acting in the public!in orchard..wow!
but everything went dn the drain cox ive gtta handle my caroling sessions n clashes w jcrc..no choice..i see my opportunity to perform gg dn the drain..whoosh!DOWN THE DRAIN!

nvm i guess..wad more cn i do?as for money wise...depend on tuition..no choice..my passion?stick to my hall performance!and yah..in case u peeps do not noe im in my hall's production next year..so support support kaex?
toking bt passion?wads passion?im losing passion for a lot of things..im not as enthu as bfore..mb im gtting old..NO NO!!cant cant!

gtta quickly save up for my photoshoot next march..yah..its a gift frm me to me!for my 21st bdae..haha..so peeps!prepare!haha..joking onli:) tink i shall siam..see hw:p

was so bored dat i resorted to reading pples' friendster's testimonials..haha..read a few..n chanced upon his..shudnt haf read..wad e hell..but whu cares?

the thot of gg bk to hall irks me..but nvm get to mix ard w peeps in hall n enjoy life..gtta go for training..n instead of slacking n gtting pple tok behind my nack..i shall be a 'good' princess n train for netball n volleyball..n since onli gtta handle tuition..me will find activities and meet up wif frans!

phew..me pals' exams r ending n finally cn meet up!!yeah!
finally finally!

n im still struggling to understand myself..my life..

sometimes i wonder..mb time shuld freeze at the jc time..though tough yet memorable..though less freedom yet im freed..though less interesting yet im satisfied..though dull yet its fulfilling..

an end to my rotting daes..
a start to forgt..to mingle..to live..for miracles..to dream

a new look a new me?

jus gt my hair cut n nw its nt waist long but its shoulder length..suddenly i feel lighter..but i MISS MY LONG HAIR...my lg lg hair..

din actually expect dat it will be shoulder length..haha..jus went into the uaual salon n tk out a mag wif jappie weds den me jus lked at the pics n pted..the auntie saed..try lahs..quite nice..den she started trimming..cutting..thinning..n tada!a shoulder length cropped hair..my sis commented:so short..!haha..

ive lg hair for lyk 4 yrs so its time for change..so i jus let auntie cut lorhs..she saed if i were to highlight will be nicer..yah..im considering..wait till i gt my next tuition fees:) haha..

i tink i lyk fresher..but peeps dun laugh at me kaex?i tink its nt bad..n me mum- a supporter for shorter hair, liked it a lot..saed i lyk yger..haha..asking me y i din cut lyk dis earlier..haha..so funny..next i wan ear holes..haha..lyk mes asking alot..

i miss my long hair..fast isnt it?
but my hair will grow..bk to the usual length..jus a few mths..but nvm its a new look..a newer me..

zhiyu is gg to us for exchange.. hes gg holland for exchange..im wondering y im nt gg anywhere for exchange..im tinking of gg smu during sem 1 of yr 3..shall kiv this idea!

i was a bit shocked when he sad hes gg there for an exchange on the 22nd jan..i jus dunno hw to react over msn when he told me that..but i jus cool-ly asked when hes leaving..yah..dunno lahs..as usual..asking me to go find a bf..tink so easy to find meh?jus anwhw pick ah?c'mon..mus haf sm std..

dis is wad mel said:'a bf mus be one whom u will be proud to go out with n to be seen with'..haha..it makes sense in a way..a bf should b one whom u r comfy toking w, enjoy act. w, can be trusted, n will feel gd when u r w him..n of cox proud to intro to n be seen by frans:)
haha..alas!influenced by mel!melmel!u see lahs..

but its true i feel..but i realli dun lyk it when he asks me to go find one..hellos!u r despo to haf a gf but im nt eager to gt a bf!of cox i wun mind hafing one who cn care for me n do things tgt..its fated lahs..

tink god has been kind to me but the boys r so funnie..not sch/hall peeps but strangers..a scardy cat i mus sae will be damn afraid to go out w peeps whom i dunno!so even if dey mean no harm..im jus lyk letting em go..one by one..

hall peeps r nice..lyk my uncle..hes so encouraging n corny..so funnie..thanks UNCLE!haha..hes nt exactly dat old lahs..my freshie sm more...a yr older onli..but hes my uncle..u always make me laugh..n thanks for the praises!haha..trying to mk me happy onli..
den deres another fran zg..quite funnie oso..he bikes n offers to chauffeur me ard..but NOPES..i dun tk bikes..sorry..dangerous lahs..plus me mummy will KILL me if i were to ride on one!if nothing happens its okie..if really so unlucky dat i were to meet wif an accident..den im cfm A GONER!!thanks zg ..
these 2 boys r so cute..though dey r 1/2 yrs older dey act as if dey r my age..haha..dey will call me gongzhu/princess cox dey noe ill feel good!haha..so funnie..always play alg wif me..thanks dudes

den another hes jere for short..hes me n daphs khaki..act. tink hes closer to daph..den he said ytd during msn dat hes nt close to ani gals in hall other than us..i tk it as okie lorhs..a helpful pal whose always ard to help us..haha..a but pyschotic..lyks exotic animals lyk frogs..eekss..oh pls!haha..other den dat ok lahs..

dere r gal pals ard oso of cox..but none as close as vonnie,shanx tingx charms n linnie nt forgtting zhiyu n winnie!dey r my 'PRECIOUS' frans..yah..uni frans r mostly hi-bye..its true..i jus wanna sae thanks to huishan n melissa for making my uni life easier!great to haf known u all..plus peeps lyk kit edmind liying joey danny..n yah..him..yah..him..my freshies too!

dere r other peeps ard whu r nice..wads nice?for me..i regard everyone as nice!as in yah..if ya r okie w me im okie w u..i tink im friendly enuf n if ya r nt happy w me den me haf nothing more to sae..

its amazing dat i do haf a gal fran frm hall whom i cn consider my gd fran..again hw gd is gd?at least to encourage n being there for me:)heys!u nv tell me ya r in dnd's bix subcom!

so my life is currently revolving ard gals mostly..haha..so heys where to find bf?dun ask me to gt a bf can..i believe if it cmes it will cm..so no use finding..if it doesnt den doesnt lorhs..i dun mind staying single..do i mind?yah i dun mind!most of my gdy pals r still single wads..nvm ritex?let me be the pres of singles' club!haha..

shall highlight my hair next next week bfore xmas!den councilors u peeps cn see!haha..mus wait till i gt my pay first..its gonna cost 60..wah..so much!haha

a new look, a new joleen, a new princess n a new me?

a NEW skirt!

yippee!!
ive gt meself a new skirt from bugis street!heehee..

gave tuition dis aft den headed to parkway to collect my photos..realised dat me din developed all of the photos..urghh..,missed out the orientation camp's..aiyo..me had alr.filled my 2 200 photo albums!me go gt a new one..one exclusively taken during my uni daes..

aft parkway..went to bugis alone..not dat me enjoy shopping aln but deres practically no one who cn acc. me..all r hafing exams!haha..n me will never ask a guy out..haha..yah!dats me!no way!haha..wadever u tink but too bad..dis JOLEEN!

yah..walked ard n finally found wad im supposed to get for her..been thinking real hard bt wad to get n finally!haha..nahnah..mes nt gg to sae wad ive bought cox she may be reading dis entry..but i guarantee i like it n hope she will too!

very soon!will be meeting yanshan n all!shanxshanx!tell us wad ya wan for ya bdae!
u noe wad..i haven wore the visor as yet..cox i dunno when n where to wear it to..its nice but i realli dunno when i cn wear it..wasted lehs..so next year..haha..

toking bt my new skirt..it costs 30 bucks..a bit ex but i lyk it..unique design!heehee..realised me haf a few skirts which r a bit old n faded so planning to gt at least 3 more!haha..den a few too short..heehee..mus diet den cn fit!haiya..dunno y dun seem to be slimming dn any further..y?vexed!urghh!

my lala land...

yah..jus feel lyk sleeping again..haha..

had tuition n actually prepared to go out..all dressed up n even wore me contacts n stuff..den decided against the idea..jus simply lazy to go out on my own n e worst thing is that im dozing off alr..hw to enjoy my shopping spree lidat?haha..nt that me haf lotsa to spend but yah jus feel lyk gtting more skirts n a a pair of new shoes..n i wanna go pierce earhole..haha..afraid that they will act. gt infected..

me wanna gt a new image!but i dunno hw!!lyk dye my hair..i mean highlight..den im worried that they will be damaged..
aiya..mes afraid of this n that..eventually nothings done!eekss!dats y i hate myself!always tinking so much..so much..always choosing the safest path..nt a daredevil..if this e case i foresee myself nt hafing dyed hair nt wearing earrings n most importantly!!nt a new image!!

urghh..hw hw?im so bored..maybe its nt a good idea to end exams way earlier than frans..i wanna find work!

stupid classified!no suitable jobs...either dat or me cnt seem to wrk during the period for the jobs..urghh...

now learning a new song...by JJ n Jinsha..'BEI FENG CHUI GUO DE XIA TIAN'
quite nice...haha..

yawns..its sleeping time..n im barely awake for 5 hrs!haha

its been a long time..

its been long time since i cn slack this much n sleep up to 12 hrs..haha..so nice..

mes waiting for my frans to finish their exams so we cn go out n play!

tink im gg to get hell frm the jcrc peeps..cos mes act. looking for jobs which im nt suppose to..but the thing is i need sm cash to tide me off w the hostel fees..an increment of 400 is no joke..luckily hafing tuition and my hall fran roped me in for a job onli during the weekends till xmas..heehee..tink its gonna be fun cox we r all hall peeps so at least will be hafing tgt..but hafta see wad im gg to wear for the job..see hw lahs..

wanna go ktv n hope me cn haf a session next week..mes learning sgs nw..haha..
once their exams start mes gg bk to hall again...
a bit sians..maybe yr 3 will mv out le..depends bah...

heehee..cn wait to meet up wif yanshanx tingx n charms..ct councillors!our chalet!wows!heehee..so fun so fun n our xmas dinner!haha..den other buddies like zhiyu charmaine..oh ya suppose to org a sec 2 outing?haha...forgt bt it..peeps like cheowlu n lynn..

lking at my list..haha..no wonder me mum is gtting worried bt my social life..y all gals?haha..shes worried y n i tink its quite ridiculous of her to do so..all alg in gals sch except in jc n im nt considered close to any guys so yah lahs..of cox my companions r girls lahs..for a while she was worried dat i go out w guys den nw shes even more worried dat im gg ouyt wif gals..so funni!haha..tink she asked more bt whu r the gals than when i sae im gg out w guy..haha..

mummy..dun worry lahs..me noe wad me cn/cant do..n im nt dere yet..relax..
haha...no worries!

to pals still hafing exams!continue to mug hard n all will be over sn!
to those whu r free lyk me cn try to jio me out..haha..cox frans r hafing exams so..sians...haha...

slacking? no lorhs

gg to enter a short one since my break is ending sn!

at hm nw my exams will start next tues..haha..did a paper this morn..std okie but mus do faster..luckily its open book..else madi!

yawns mus go mug again..cnt wait for all papers to be over!haha..den all e plans will cm into play!
cnt wait to meet shanx on the 16th..

n councillors!if ya r reading this...its lyk shit lorhs our chalet frm 19th to 21st but ive gt caroling on all these 3 days!wad the hell!no choice..ill rush dn yeah!sure will go!haha

cnt wait for ktv w mei mei!haha..

kie gtta go n mug!kampete!

so bored..

so bored by the amt of readings ive to digest!
read thru sets of them this morn..wow..aft reading was suppose to summarise n map em out but was so strained mentally dat i jus read n read..today mus finish these 2 modules so me cn start w the papers tme..shall do the mapping chap n by chap..given the time cinstrain tink i cn jus do a guide for the linkages n the references for use in the exams..luckily 3 out of 4 r open bk exams!but still needa understd wad..!

jus gt so sick dat ive to mug thru more readings for info systems so decided to cm online..but it seems dat everyonr is busy mugging so nt toking to anione one msn..msn has becm a must since hall days..haha..

jus checked my ntu mail n saw a mail frm my prof for taxation..haha..lifted my spirit a little!y?cox the title read:76 for AA305 quiz 3 keep up the good work!
haha..okay lorhs..i did wrk quite a bit so..yah..mus kampate!

so sian so sian...guess wad playing pinball on my lappie..

sighh..thot cn enjoy ct chalet but may haf caroling at jp on the 20th n 21st..shit lahx..but gd in the sense that at least we din haf too few places to carol this yr else will relect damn badly on us as cultural secretaries..urghh but i dun wanna forgo my break n gathering w my ct pals!tink gtta travel to n fro..see hw ,,yt to cfm..

problems problems problems..

act.dey sae when we blog we mus be prepared dat watever we blogged will be divulged..will be widely read..its nt a palce for private entry..yah..i agree..my blog is accessible to my frans n their frans whom i may or may nt noe..act. dun really lyk the idea of having links dats y my blog doesnt provide links to aniones..on the other hand me dunno hw to link..haha..comp idiot can?haha..

though i noe my 'secrets' will be read..i din really try to hide any specific stuff..being a straight fwd gal..n one w big ego..haha..those who noe me since dunno when will realise dis..haha..my feelings are evident..dere r things which wld luf to blog but i jus cnt cox yah..so ive another 'hard copy'..yah..wad deters me frm blogging some 'sensitive' issues is the fact that huishan act. told me dat me seniors act. went to serch for my blog cox someone cm across it n read sth bt him..yah..so im so super wary..

toking bt him..yah HIM..'deres nothing called bro n sis r'ship'..charmaine told me this..
maybe its true..i dun care alr..keep jumping in n out of this shithole is jus so exhausting..so nt gg to care animore..a part of me is inclined to him..y treat him so nice? on wad basis?no basis other den b n s rship which supposedly doesnt exist..

side note: tink i treat my frans fairly well so y dis discrapancy?i mean nt nw but den..wadever..if ya tink mes nt treating ya well tink u mus be super irritating..my threshold for irritatance is relatively high!haha..

dunno hw to repond to the current situation..usually guys r nt so persistant but..
shld i gif him a chance..he msged me again..i dunno..din reply cos ive really gt no time n if i do will i meet up w him?i mean dun even noe him,..hes a stranger whom i met on THAT train on THAT day..its jus so ridiculous..

maybe its cox of him..i shant continue else im jus propelling meself bk to the past..the memories which i wished i did not have..truthfully ive nv been dat comfortable w sm one bfor esp twds a guy..i mean cn tok n go out one on one..usually go out in grps lyk ctc..ill feel weird w a guy aln..no topic wads..mb hes *** dats y..n mb dats the reason for my inclination..no lahs shall stop all dese nonsense!

sometimes feel lonely haha..act. not really...mb its jus cox of the current situation of 'danger' dats y mb i tink i nid smone to provide me w the security..haha..a bodyguard in other wrds..

kudos to charmaine dat dae for sending me hm..n bothered to 'pick' me up frm hm to studi at macs..thanks thanks!
charmaine,if ya r reading dis i mus tell ya dat its really weird cos yah..i tink u noe wad i wanna sae..its a guy thing n ya r jus lyk my other gal frans frm my py of view..but u r jus special..since ive said so much i tink im nt afraid to sae dat i used to tok behind my seniors bk when i noe dey r lyk u..hope u r nt hurt by this sentence..i seriously apologise to u if i did..i mean its my true feeling..i duuno wad others may sae when we do go out tgt smtimes..gtta admit dat i wasnt comfy at first but nw who cares man!u r my fran n wad dey tink dont matter..i wanna sae a BIG BIG THANK YOU for ya constant support and advices..THANK YOU!glad to noe ya..lyk wad ive told ya..u r so interesting..haha..

tink tis is a super long entry which ill end here..gtta go bk to mug..problems will always be dere..its hw we cope hw we forgt hw we choose to handle hw we ignore..

as for me?ive yet to find out..nw its jus exams!
i WAN MY As!but will be more than satisfied if i cn gt all Bs..

tRAumatised..petrified..terrified!

yah..was utimately traumatised dis morn..

went into the lift as usual after buying breakfast..a stupid pyscho followed me..gross felt weird in the lift as he was adjusting his belt and yah..disgusting..i quickly gt out of the lift on the 6th flr instead of the 11th..luckily gt out if nt i wun be typing here alr..asked for me name..n said sth which i shant mention..yucks..RAN lyk crazy bk home

me mood was so affected dat i practically cnt work frm 1020 to 1230..petrified!ultimate!

was really glad dat i went out to mug at bras basah w charmaine..THANKS ALOT!!
thanks for cming to my block n sending me home!thanks a million!
u r really an interesting fran!haha

tired n wanna slp so i wun be thinking of the man..i so scared to even go out of the hse nw..so scared..shall go bk hall when exams end..so terrified..

a petrified princess..

so homely..exams

im at home!

haha..feeling not too bad todae..slpt at 730pm n wk up at 4am..slpt at 930 to 1130 again..haha..a pig!but i dun mind..aahhha..its beauty slp lehxs..haha

exams r really nearing!m preparing for it!yah..

since im hm..i feel better but cox hafta trade off freedom w constant nagging..cnt wait for exams to be over as usual!

hafta wk pat-time else wun be able to pay for my next sems hostel fees..damn!change hall small rm so inaccessable..so ulu!still so ex..yah..mus go source for photoshoot..mb the one at suntec? haha..a birthdae prezzie for myself!to capture this moment!haha..

oh yah!von and lin!luf our pics at glutton bay and ktv!haha..
cant wait for our chalet on the 19th dec!heehee..no caroling on that day!
cant wait for our breakfast n early ktv!haha
cant wait to meet up w frans..
cant wait to meet shanx tingx charmx
cant wait to meet the sec 2 peeps(gtta org)
cant wait to help frans celeb bdae..
cant wait to work n hope i cn gt the job..

but i dun wanna n is too lazy to move hall..
aiya i will rest n haf fun first..haha..

i gt into my hall's sp again!but i dun lyk e role..seehw lahx

gtta mug hard n haf enuf rest!heehee

sleep again?yah..gtg..

take care peeps!
luf meself..luf all..luf...:)

sp audition!

decided that o shud enter this part by creating a new entry in case u peeps r too bored w the previous entry bt him..haha

after tax quiz n lect at 1030 ytd went bk n napped frm 1 to 5 plus so shiok!haha...aft blogging this i shall napp again..slpt 3 hrs dis morn onli lorhx but luckily senses cming n dat means all wrk will end alr..n im gg to mia!

tax quiz was sighh..mus studi n read more tomes to rem n capture the facts into my head..

mus study alr..

ytd was e lg-awaited hall's special project audition!haha..so fun!i went down..last year i went alone..this year charmaine accompanied me..haha..
asked to read a script, an impromtu part regarding a person w conflicting identity n a stubborn gal..
i was quite resistant act. to act out the part bt the conflicting part..
partner: hope ya r nt offended k?

after dat had to sing a sg n all i cun tink of is angela zhang's yi shi de mei hao..haha
as if i was ktv-ing so nice!

oh ya bfore i forgt..hey was surprised bt the marshmallow..thanks alot!

hope that both of us cn act in special proj...be on stage again..i lyk the feeling of performing...i luf embracing the audience..i love i love...

gtta gt my beauty slp nw...gd nitex!

stupidity!

yah..

decided that i should blog this matter down after reading yiting's blog bt her putting her hotmail add online.

mine was worse dear!
i din tell shanx..so shanx:if ya happen to read this s a bonus and yah i apologise that i choose not to tell ya..

it all started when i was happily on my way to somerset to meet shanx aft tuition last fri..as usual took a train there. was rather crowded nearing to twn..noticed a guy when he entered n he happened to 'squeeze' to my front..the picture: i was clinging on for my dear life aka holding on to the handle and den he was standing back facing me..side view?ok..bk view?okie..haharelection okie..
thot its another of the look see bio session..but its not all..
aft i gt off the train..quickly rushed to the toilet..den as i was bt to push open e door..sighh..guess wad happened?

1) i tripped?
2) met someone i noe?
3) the door was locked?
4) none of the abv?

if ya ans is 4..u r correct man!

' im so sorry but is it possible for me to have ur no.?i really wanna make friends with u....' thats wad he said..stunned!
c'mon lor!im rushing into the toilet..damn urgent!and u r telling me this shit..though nt the first encountering..but please!not again!i had enuff..

i wanted desperately to go away..can desperately see dat hes trembling and i jus wanna go toilet!gave in the end tinking that no harm though!yes!!!this is ultimate stupidity!but..oh well..JOLEENS STUPID..

oh nv intro male lead..hes the one whu stood in front of me when i was on the train..that one lah..

he was so fast..the moment i gt his msg..saeing hes this n that..traumatised..wadever..asked me out..jus gg to ignore manx
though older than me by a yr..in army..frm poly gg to sans francisco aft ord-ing..but...i dunno wad i shud do..
wad irks me is the msges he sent..hellos!i dun even noe u n u r asking if u std a chance?go away lah..nt stop tokin bt lkes n attraction..im cfm blacklisting u!
gosh man!dunno wad i had dn in my past to gt all these frm strangers..mb shudnt go out..
haha..sth times do feel comforted though..constant encounters make me wanna puke..no freedom..even gg to orchard is lyk..urghh..

dats hw i cm up w the conclusion:guys r shallow!

when its up on my msn..the guys frm my ex-bro wing, frans frm whereever started to rebutt!
haha..even asked me why..haha..too bad..

too bad guys r certainly more shallow!

a long time..

it has been a month since ive updated this blog..

cant claim that ive experienced a lot..but i guess it suddenly dawned onto me that i should live life as i am now!
ive been miserable for months..yah..quite i tink..always trying to put up a cheerful and happy go lucky front when im w peeps..sighh..
I SWEAR I WASNT LIKE THIS BEFORE!

joined jcrc and the work is not too shiong..realised dat some pple act. changed their attitude twds me!i mean i may be too sensitive but as far as i know yah..i sort of sensed it!

last week was my recess week and guess wad i spent my fri and my weekends bfore the break wrking damn long hours at the natas fair for citibank..no doubt that i had fun n met nice pals but it was definitely tough wrk!i earned $0!all to hall or at least managed to get 50 bucks back!nt gg to canvas animore manx!
met pple lyk vincent and ivan, alvin qiming jinhe etc. haha..quite nice to tok too. and yah gt to noe our rec n A rec secs betta oso..so funny!

mon and tues were 2 full days for course..not too bad i guess!den wed i quickly gt out of hall and went to visit my dearest baby cousin!so cute!so adorable!heehee...ahhhh!babies...hw wonderful dey r!

thurs went kbox w sis n had fun!so high!nv felt so so high for a lg time!so nice!thanks a lot mei!watched sound of thunder w charmaine in the evening..nt too bad but a bit disappointing i guess..overall?ok lahx..

fri went to wrk for a day n quited aft dat..haha..so ultra boring..cant stand!
the rest of the days?tuition n mug..and tadah!end of hols and im back in sch nw...sitting in front of my comp after hafing my one n only meal for each day..typing this entry!
and yesh!trying to complete my IT proj!mys be done by today manx!

hmm..im trying to do soul searching n gt enuf rest!so i shall go slp bfore my next lesson at 230pm...yawns!

time check:1.35pm

i M e CUTEST!!!cONfirm!

haha..looking at my nick and u peeps will realise im BHB!

was checking out this girl staying in my previous wing who is my freshie's love interest..my flr rep saes she's cute n TAHDAH!!no lor!ive QC her n concluded that im confirm plus comp n stamp CUTER!!she's more twds the bimbotic side leh...unless BIMBOTIC=CUTE?oh man!haha
betta dun probe too much but this equation coz dey call me a bim..

was talking to yanshan on mon online..came across this prickly topic of bimbotism..wad really constitutes a bimbo?

do these indicate bimbotism:
wearing short skirts
get suan by peeps every time u try to talk
cant ans. those lame qns
talking crap
accidentally say sth dat sounds foolish
taking a train away from e destination
asking if kopi-o is black
constantly checking on yrself
calling urself a princess,gongzu
claiming dat u r cute
refused to change into specs in the presence of them
talking on the phone till batt went dead and auto-shut but thought that e phone is spoilt
insists that u r NOT a bimbo.....

the list can go on n on..

if u guys think the answers to YES..den i pity you..cox u r reading a blog of a bIMBO..haha

wadever..i shall help to find out and answer this qns..haha

ive finally accepted the job to be the assistant cultural secretary for the hall..work has started and thid thurs is the cultural auditions..im alr in choir and i wanna join geyao!haha..my cuturaal sec is jianming..we r both hunk n babe!
(thats wad they say lah!im not so BHB dey!)
hope everything will be fine

have been skipping some classes recently..tired and was doing self studying k!of coz slacking a bit lah..hmm..cant slack animore..alot of things cming up..aiyo..faints!
had a taxation test jus now and im lyk onli noe 40% of preparation of financial statements!its gg to be tested n fri lorhx!

kkie..shall quickly nap now and finish my tut for tml and revise my acctg..

A LONG LONG LONG NIGHT AWAITS!

dieting in progress
(btw if u guys noe wad really is a bimbo..enlighten me pls!!)
thanks!

happy birthday

current status: piled with articels n chapters to read..super articles n chapters!in school trying to finish the tuts..urghh..

me gonna blog quickly n get back to mug again!

todays friday..had been busy on mon n tue w hall's jcrc rally duties as an election comm member..wed went to meet shanx n tingx in twn..haha..at the sm time went to get darrens prezzie n his cake for his 22nd celebration..me was late for duty n had to tk a cabbie bk to ha..realised that i kept spending on cab trips bk to sch...wow!a lot of bucks man..me simply lazy to squeeze onto the bus w my bags of stuff:P

yah..celebrated for him after wed's polling n counting of votes..in the end we celebrated 2 hrs odd past his bday to be exact..was quite funny to see how they sabo both him n the flr rep zhenming..the guys..seniors stripped them to their underwear n made them cm out of his rm to parade n we gals had to autograph on zhenmings thigh..so paiseh to see..i wanst n nt interested to look lor...headache..shakehead... they call it flr rep initiation..poor guys!

they requested to take pics w the two boys and we had to in order to end their sufferings..sad to say had to toast vodka w him..e bday boy..requested for only a bit...n hengx dey poured a bit away...hate the stingy sensation of vodka:(
if its his bday i wld haf siam!

heehee..enuff bt the complaints bt vodka

ytd we toked on msn..getta noe more bt him..happie:)
though its jus a normal talk i felt quite good bt it.
thanked me for gg to gt his prezzie n stuff..
no big deal..but i tink seriously if its nt his bday i may haf asked the guys to settle..haha

malu-ated my self in the canteen..as in melvin maluated me!urghh!
wad e hall is he toking bt?urghh...
how to face each other lidat?stupid melvin!
was so so stunned

kkie...shall gt bk to e bks alr..else sure die:(

yippee!

before i go for my 1030 class..let me blog down some thoughts...

that day i was at home..was blogging den halfway me dad accidentally switched off the comp power!sweat!for awhile i thot my lappie died on me!phew!

it was a rather fun day ytd!
not in the sense dat i ponned a 4hr i/s semminar nor cox i had to carry out my 5 hrs duty as a member of the jcrc election committee...

its the fun i had n is still relishing now..haha..
in the aft. was confused by the guys staying downstairs cox i was suppose to be toking to felix..suddenly few more cm into his rm one by one...thats wad he claimed..toking to me bt crap..my nick..me as a bimbo..n the best thing was that when darren told em not to bully me..2 of em act. went to change their nick to:'darren said not to bully joleen' and their msn pics to e pic which we took during dnd..!
and his nick becm:'joleen is my co-gl..dun bully her la!'
so funny!and one of their msn pics is still us...so funny!
guys ah!grow up man!haha

its been a long time since we chatted..nce in the aft. and another at nitex!
maybe thats what kept me up tinll 345am ytd..jus toking on msn!thats bad!so ive alr decided to study in the day with my lappie off!and do light readings at night!

tml is his bdae!im gg to meet yanshan in orchard to gt him the prezzie and to meet shanx bfore her sch starts!...ive 2 tests next week man!but im lyk...oh man...read through one subj but mus revise tb n make ntes..de other one doing today!

haf lotsa things to do...

haha...he told me hes nt gg to b in today n wheres he gg to be..haha..so weird..encouraged me to join jcrc as cult sec..i maybe..but dat means that its gg to be very busy for me and i tink i might cox as he said its a once in lifetime thing...jus lyk being a gl...i din regret..kkie..

i betta gt gg!else ill be super late! tata...

hope u guys r doing well!
huggs n kisses!

PRINCESS!

was so glad last thurs that i rented a veri princessy and victorian like gown for my hall's dnd this cming sat!
din noe dat my freshies r so enthu to go rent on wed when dey were act. suppose to do fund raising!!yah!its FUND RAISING!
will definitely take lotsa pics on sat!haha
its a dream come true..

ive come to realise that my blog is no longer a safe place to enter my personal life!to b more specific...those emotional crap which i had just gone through..
FRANS!dont worry im doing better nw!heehee..since sch has started im busy wif wk n hall life!so happy nw!haha..new frans new sem new hallmates..new activities...new hunks?haha...

wadever...im gg to do tut alr!lalala...

everything will be fine one day..
believe ill find my happiness soon...haha

take care peeps!
love u lots!

its really time to forget

today is alr the wed!the third day of sch..however, today's flag day so gt no sch!haha..in hall..gg to finish this entry and concuss!wanna do hw bfore gg out ltr..

its just so ridiculous!last week was just having fun in hall camp n nw?a week has passed!

yesterday was initiation run..jus had supper..as u all noe i dun take supper--ba chor mee!!..had a bit of pastry n fruits..

mes quite tired...still not feeling well as i was hafing fever for the last 3 days..now its blocked nose!oh no!still having migraine..bad!

yah jus to update..its truly time to forget since hes attached..yah!quite expected ritex?i din wanna noe whos she n was unintrested at all!he msged n told me..i din read it carefully till ytd!haha..but it really doesnt matter who alr..

im jus disappointed, utterly speechless bt his decision..his behavior..
i just dun wanna see him..dun wish hes within my sight!
he saw us ytd..i noe..i din look as if i wan him to walk over..at least yah...i din wanna see him...

maybe its jealously as u may term it..but c'mon!guys n gals r the same...mb when u guys club...it will be the same!

im tired...dozing off...so this is a short entry...

seekinG innER peaCE

ive decided for the first and the last time to just let things go!to let HIm go!grt him out of my mind!get him out of my LIFE!

went ktv w him, mingfeng,gary dennis,benson ytd at the party wrld at clementi..quite fun to sing n din really expect that i was the onli gal w 5 guys..he was busy msging his sp cum nearly gg steady gf-charmaine!wadever..i was minding my own business..

hated the wae he told me that they held hands
irked by the way he told me they kissed
despised him for breaking up pple even bfore he had cfmed that shes the one
disgusted by his current attempts to date 3 gals
disappointed for his behavior
utterly speechless when he complained dat he shuld haf the chance to choose like gals..

my heart just went 'THUMP!'
it sank!hw cm he became lyk this?
he wasnt the nice gor ive met..or haf known
mb this is hid true self?his true colours..
i choose to not find out the answers to my doubts
in any case he has more or less tarnish his own impression in my mind..
hes no longer the zikai gor whom i noe..

met up with shanx today..shit i teared at coffee bean when i told shanx what happened and stuff..hw embarrassing..i just cun control...
im gg to be strong frm now on!
ive friends who care..
ive friends who love me..
ive my sis to standby me..
im blessed..!!

i can survive!im gg to be strong
im gg to give other guys a chance..
yah..i need to forget..
maybe when im well attached..i may tell him hw i felt bt him..

hall camp is cming and im gg to be a great gl..
im not gg to think so much..its a good way to forget...to not think..to jus have fun!

fRAns dO caRE!

yah..i noe frans do care!

was looking for a shopping khaki ytd and just when i thought i wld be gg twn alone, zhiwei actually accompanied me!haha...thanks zhiwei!hope u werent too bored by me!haha..bought a pair of URS shoes n a bag and nail polish!haha...thanks thanks!

todae went blading with zhiyu at ECP and bought a pink necklace...to go w my dress for DND!thanks zhiyu for acc. me today!im damn slow lah...paiseh..!heh..
nice skirt which ya haf bought!

i must gear up for my hall's camp next week and guess wad got 3 freshies in my hall!so exciting!

just to reassure myself..im coping well i think..though i still hope for some miracles to occur..hoping for msges...hoping..

i guess i need time again..i need frans to acc. me i guess but im well aware that u guys are busy with ya own stuff so...yupps!dun worri!mych's reopening i will get involved in sch work and activities and will forget..ill have new frans..new eye candies...new ambitions..new focus!

muckxs!
frans i love guys!
im very fortunate dat u nv forsake me!nv desert me!thanks thanks!!

hugssxx and kisses!

mY coasT is clEaring

re-read my previous few posts and was disappointed w myself..but looking at my nick,friends u guys will know that yah..im recovering already..

thanks for the little msges u guys sent via msn to show ya concern!thanks alot!

wanna specially thanks huishan,weinee,zhiwei,darius,jeremiah(though i din tell u anithing,)vonniE,weikai and LASTLY my dearest beauty world's dance partner:CHARMAINE!

thanks partner for ur chidings ytd and i felt a bit better..i mean yah..u were right to say that we should not live in sadness..

ive promised u that i wun cry anymore..and yesh!i give u my promise and u too said that u will not be easily affected by others' feelings oso!lets keep our promises kaex!and great lets go n makan good food when we r free!haha..its great to haf such a funloving senior like u!

went to trim my hair this morn n bought sm stuf...as usual onli trimmed but unnnoticeable..haha...
den went to sch to make og identity..turned out onli me darren joy n junwen...a bit of wasting my time transport and energy...nw im super tired...

was msn-ing edmund bt zikai's cousin, dennis and found out dat dey were super pissed w him...danny oso...de wrld his turning its back against him...not only cox hes a well known flirt hes also a liar..acc. to em hes not trustworthy..
im starting to feel a little doubtful but im dun care lah...

get a life man!

joleen is zai!i can get over!hes not worth it!

i shall sleep soon!and its blading on thurs!yippie!haha

hope to noe more peeps during the hall camp..e shuai shuai cool cool kind!haha

aiya gtta lookout for nice dresses for dnd both hall's and nbs!
gg to waste money again!aiyo broke le!

failuRe

im sorrie..ive failed!
i promised myself not to cry again after yesterday in the bathroom..
im silly i noe..

i was alright when he called to clarify what happened during the camp..i listened n i believed..there's no need for him to do that..he just need someone to be there to lend him a listening ear..yah..i did

battery went dead halfway..shit..whatever..today was a disgusting day..really gross!

i really dont wish to think about it anymore!especially after telling myself its not worth it..esp.when my tears were for him..hes sad i will be sad..hes depressed..ill be depressed...its never-ending..never-ending..

his actions never tally with his words..i choose not to doubt him but suddenly i think i may be tempted to think abt it..

he likes renhui..that's what he said..i noe..
he mentioned her again..

i just cant believe that i actually told him not to give up on her..asked him to jiayou!what the hell..

tears just rolled down my cheeks..i realised i cant control..simply cant..
im exhausted..realli is!how?m i gg to bring all these shit into the new sem?i dun wan!

'u r the nicest gal in ntu'
'im so blessed'

what's the point of telling me all these?
i dont wanna noe if im the nicest!i can be the nastiest..

i swear that im not gg to msg u again..
im not gg to arrange any meeting..
im gg to be super engrossed w my hall's foc..
im gg to enjoy myself during the camp..
gg to spend time w the rest of the gls..
gg to noe darren better..
gg to forget what u say..
gg to let go of the past..
gg to allow others to enter my life..
not gg to let u affect me..

no matter what i say i noe i cant do it once he msges/calls
theres no use!no way!

i need frans..i need support to forget..but my pals r all busy..
im alone...really alone..im sad..who noes?
nobody noes..
nobody must noe..
i dont noe..
u dont noe..
he dont noe..
no one mus noe..
but god noes..

back!

yeah back frm NBS camp!

super shagged thus slept throughout the day..

was rather satisfied with SHIVA..though at times i was pissed w them!their slowness their unwillingless to be more enthusiatics!i was pissed then..

to cut things short as i was really tired and need to sleep...
im convinced...

im convinced n could no longer deny bt my feelings for ...
yah i gt uncomfy when i see him flirting w other gals..or shud i be frank and say im jealous..yah i was..during the camp..

u sux man!u sux to the core!i hate u!ive never felt this way in my life before!

just tell me u r attached and everything will be fine!either u get attached or i have to!it will be best for both of us!
tearing sux!crying sux!heartbreaking sux!its painful!it really is!

who is the tk/vj gal u were toking bt?just tell me!i hate the mystery..the guessing...u just get ot of my mind wun u!torturous soul!sinful guy!

why am i so good to you?i just stop myself..i must learn to frm nw on!
yes i mean now!NOW!!NOW!!

im depressed...yes!i am!
sad..hurt..broken..despondent..ill..DEAD!!

yah..stupidity is the wrd!

just toked to huishan!

n i felt better after dat..nearly teared again when i was mentioning bt it again..

disappointment shud be the wrd..n he msged me to tell me hes angry w ***

huishanx knew me too well and von n linnie asked me bt it too..

let me clarify: there arnt anione in my life nw...n i had to admit dat during the hols i did enjoyed the times we went out but its nt dat kind..at least im convincing myself dey r nt..

had two camps last week and another coming in 6 hrs' time!met up w freshies last sat and fd out dat there were 2 vj seniors!haha..so fun so fun!im gg to noe more people!so fun!cant wait..

during these 2 days im gg to see him everydae..but im nt letting him affect the amt of enjoyment ill be gtting frm the camp!

till sat..ill be back

take care babes n dudes!

oh yah!im happy for u charmainex...haha...'dear partner!'
(see!im using 'dear' too!fair ritex?"))

sleep deprived

im sleep deprived n its not going to get better any sooner!

had a 1.5 days of gl camp for hall and im real shag!slept for 4hrs on the first nitex after learning mass dance and monster hunt route!aiyo!walked till i wanna die!

its stressful to be gl with darren esp. for the mass dance!i just cant make it!hafing dance phobia...urghh!

it was quite fun n i did have a laughing good time as they are all veri fun people!i mus really get enuff rest and be more onz!and i tink ive get to just be myself esp. pairing up with darren as gl for the camp!relax...relax...

today got tricked to go to school to make the identity for freshies!in the end they were nearly done and i did my own one!but we learnt and refreshed some of the games and cheers den went for dinner with danny, edmund and alvin at jp's bentobox..den went toysarus after dat...e guys immediately became kids!haha

was gossiping about pple over dinner and luckily they helped me finish half of the pizza...phew!
was surprised that the guys were quite 'against' how he acts..and act. they can bear w him coz we r in the same og..sighh...guess he has tough luck..
im surprised to know that zhiyu act. wasnt very happy that im close to him..dear ah..i din noe bt it!u can tell me u noe!its okie dear!i wun b angry!!

my heart is dead dear!i wun mind..im dead..im nt despo..im nt yearniing for anithing!im jus me!joleen:)

wenT oUt aGAin

todae met up w shanx again at orchard to shop and i bought an atomic top frm 77th street!haha..my fav colour!PINK!!!shanx bought a pink jacket frm osmose!at least both of us gt sth!yeah!saw a veri pretty sequined sling bag but tink shud be quite ex!hmm...may gt it when i gt my pay...hope will be sn!

yah..ytd we went out for dinner aft. a mth..wasnt expecting this meeting act. quite last min planned...as usual:P went to the cartel at cine..ordered spagetti w bacon n cheese n mushrm but din finish at all..ate a few mouthful of the spagetti onli n the mushrm n ham..dieting dear!camps cming!mus look gd!he has a small appetite n din lyk cheese..i forgot bt it if nt i wud have ordered sth non cheesy so he cn help me finish too...:)

wanted to watch 'alot like love'/'in my father's den'/'even gave in to 'batman begins' but we were unable to gt tixs in cine n shaw!haha..fate?tink its fri nitex!haha..in the end we gt smoothies frm orange julius and he paid for me strawberry and orange smoothie while he had tropical one..tink its superb and i haf e craving for it nw!aiyo!sat at the seats outside the place n toked/slack..

hes so cute..haha..asked wat kind of guys i lyk...who at the moment is the closest to me ideal bf...wad kinda question?hw to answer?me jus crapped out a name lah..he sounded a bit odd when i anihw sae its him..

he actually assured n affirmed me dat hes nt a flirt n nt a beng..haha..
i noe i noe..dun worri..but i wun tell u that i believe u n noe dat u r not!
sat dere, stoned..till ard 9 odd..den he drove me hm as per normal..

he may go on an exchange in smu n GIP in US for yr 2..for a moment i tink i will miss him..yah..im admitting but yet again tink its better!Y NT RITEX?

had nbs seniors' camp frm last mon to wed..luckily our fright night wasnt a flop!hengs!n i was rather satisfied n pleased to meet n made new pals!other chief programmers n other programmers!haha..spotted a few eye candies oso!haha...(desperate self again!)haha...
hope dat the actual camp frm the 4th to 8th will better!yeah!

ive plans till 9th july!basically..hall's gl cmp frm next mon to wed..wed nitex meet huishan..thurs gg blading n kbox w sis..fri to sun hall's seniors' camp(gonna skip a bit on sat to act as freshie for nbs pre camp!) den mon to fri will be nbs actual camp..sat will be ctc's gathering!sun will be tuition!wow!happening ritex?!
he said i shud be called a busy princess!haha!yupps!notice me nick?
mb still cant gt over ***..

yah!cant wait for next thurs to go blade n ktv with sis!gg to haf a 5hrs session at kbox!yippee!cant resist the ktv sensation!haha
btw!thanks darius jus read ur blog..n clarences...mes nt that gd lah!jus love to sing!haha..thanks for ur praise(i take it as a praise..haha)

tink it will b quite sm time for my next update:P

went for mango sale w huishan n bought another mango skirt!lyk the design!but its 36 bucks!nvm lah...i lyk the skirt but swear nt to gt skirts which r dis ex. next time:)

kkie!time to sleep nw!tmr tuition at 10am!yawnx...

camps cAmps...headache!

alas!the camps are finally here!

after 4 days of week i was lyk a piece of dead meat..drained!worse still got blisters all over my feet!so painful!urgghh..
it was not too bad a temp job afterall as i got to noe a few nice frans..its quite comfortable as our foyer one peeps were at least uite chatty and forthcoming!haha

celebrated charmx n tingx bdae at rice table..tink the food is not too bad but ive sorethroat after dat!

i lyk the korean food and the hong kong dessert which linnie introduced to us on wed!so nice!haha..next week we r gg for jap food!yippee!

ytd we the ct councillors-the usual 6 peeps went ktv at party world oriental..dun realli lyk the place act. but ok lar..was rather disgusted with the toilet act!
i was too tired to be really enjoying myself at ktv..coz of the wk lorh..yawnx..

cancelled tuition todae...tmrs gg to b a body detox dae!

went to vons hse to stay for the nitex w linnie!i just simply knocked out once i touched the floor!haha..

just read von's blog and i totally agree w what she saes!

its true that we shudnt keep smses!yah..will be tempted to read them thru n thru!yes!dey jus make us wonder.. relish the moments..the past experiences..the thoughts.
its no good..so deleting is good dear vonnie!

i simply deleted em..yah..em!both frm him...and...

was toking bt bi+les+gal..ytd w the rest of the temps..
and yesh!for the first time i thot...

sighh...no lar i shant carry on..ill leave it as a memory to keep to forgot..

tired..its sleeping time!

its GettINg oUt of HAnd

i jus cant pinpoint why im feeling so 'off' these few days!i hate these feeling and i dont seem to be able to control my current emotions..

all i can say is that my emotions are in a state likened to a roller coaster..or should i say i have split personalities?one moment hyper e other really feel lyk shit!yah a piece of shit!

today went out w my sister and she is currently feeling betta in terms of her gor..ok dats all im going to reveal bt her..

yah!im glad for her!at least she broke free frm the internal struggle..
as for me i dont know when i can do it?
trust me!when i say i AM trying not to think i really mean that!i tried and am still trying..
the more i try not to think about it the more i will..yah!i am finally admitting it..it has been imprinted in my mind!it has scarred me!a deep deep wound..so hard to heal..too tedious too impossible to recover..i hate this feeling!

thats the reason why i choose not to face it..its no use..i dont want to listen hw she managed to get away from him..in my case its not really applicable or should i say...i just dont know how to go bt doing it..

yesh!i will get jealous!i say i dont want to care but in fact i admit that i cant ignore n i am not as capable as what i thought i am..utimately ive yet to master..

yawnx!tml can wake up a bit ltr!then tuition and meeting shanx!

now im immersing myself in junjie's songs!love yi qian nian yi hou!mu nai yi!mastering landy's zu wo shen ri gua le and angela's yi shi de mei hao!

i wanna go ktv!

muacks!

relaxing...pissed?

slacked my day away today..act. not really coz i did go and give tuition!

den went jogging!tmrs swimming so i mus sleep soon!

thinking of next week its really packed..except for mon to wed and sun..den the following week will be camp alr:P

actually really looking forwrd but now im a bit apprehensive!haha..dunno why also:P

im tired i think!

i wanna go practise blading!

i love the sea!the calmness the quietness the serenity the sight the air the everything!

thanks weinee!!

yah..firstly i would like to thank weinee for accompanying my to ecp ytd!
arikato!
i went to practise blading and weinee cycled!haha..im faster and less falls..haha..but mus go and perfect it!

another 'thanks' is also for weinee!

weinee..im actually surprised that u mentioned the issue when we were resting at hte shelter..i wasnt at all prepared to talk abt this..really..
like what uve said..im jus restraining my feelings..its true!but i just dont know how else to handle it..

the only resort is to jus take things easy?or mb to jus ignore..

if another one cmes along?wad shud i do?to let go..to wait?to forsake?i dunno..jus dun ask me these questions!i am hafing a headache now!

i jus wanna enjoy my hols!

i wan a life!

leave me alone and i do nid a break!

shattering soul..(not again)

STM!!!!

just realised that i really do have short term memory(STM)oh no!wanted to have another title for today's entry but suddenly i just forgot!goodness me!

tmr im going to practise blading w weinee!great!haha..

ohh..i just remembered what i wanted to say..just when i thought i am going to slack my week away..i just managed to pack the days again!and this time round its all the way till next sat!of coz dere are some nitexs which are free for me to take a breather..

wed is suppose to meet up w charmainx but shes too busy w her camp!haha..but nmv mes gg to my aunties place to see my cousin's baby!haha

thurs will be tuition again..

next mon will b a morn swim and mb ktv with mingfeng zikai and co.

then it will be work frm tues to fri!sat is celebrate charmx n tingx birfthday!haha

sounds packed yeah!

kkie!betta gt gg..if nt...cant wake up tmr!

shagged..

yah this is the exact word which should be used to describe my current status now..SHAGGED!

ha been going out for the past 4 consecutive days!but only to 2 places!town and bugis!yawnsx think i can really master these 2 places real well!

im so tired that i cancelled my tuitions for today!yah so must makeup tml!shiong!this week haf to give 3 sessions den!aiyo!cant wait to gt my pay man!real broke!

this coming week is going to be a funfilled week i guess!

mon:swim and tuition
tue: blading w weinee
wed:job briefing..blading w charmaine
thurs:swim and tuition
fri:tuition and shp w sis
sat:tuition
sun:tuition

hes back ytd and he msged to tell me so ytd evening..
said he bought me stuff but wad for?
cun b bothered..

was at heerens and we saw kym ng and quan yifeng filming the love bites..e guy is nt suai at all..haha..no me biz though..

cnt wait for the k box session w ctc!and 18th to meet up w tingx charmx and shanx!haha...

LInnIE!!

welcome back weilin!!our dearest zuzu!my grand zuzu!haha

u got me and vonnie so excited to eat e chocolates and jellybeans!haha..and lin!we realli wan the popian fiesta!haha

kkie!better not bother ya w our food cravings!haha..but so glad that ya r back in singapore again!

okie let me start me blogging proper..

went blading with my sis and her friend on wed..wow!its been a while since i had fallen so so hard:(yah..fell directly on my butt..never have i felt so malu before!but i was too busy learning how to walk w the blades and trying to move faster that i could not be bothered with the stares ive gotten!aiyo!i was wearing a cap but i think it was USELESS!!

haha..had fun though..me and sis went cine to watch the korean show-my7 boyfriend is type b!so so funny!yah..we like the twist of the story line towards the end!its an entertaining show but not realli worth it to think of it...but its my sis birthday what...so nvm and we enjoyed it!

wanted to pierce earhole!!!hey vonnie!yahyah!not eye hole hor!this time 100% correct!haha...who knows my sis pangse me after i asked for the price!sighh..when will i ever get my earhole?i confirm will pierce before my 21st birthday!haha

den yesterday met up with weinee to sign up for a 4 days job at the expo from the14th to the 17th of july...the pay is only 5.5 for data entry but me want to work to pass time..act. its not really that hard for me..just go and swim and sleep and read books and bug friends to go out with me can alr!haha

after dat went out with huishan to shop at bugis..haha..she bought lotsa stuf but me no income and wanna save so only bought a pair of slippers for 5 bucks..okie lah..haha..shall save and give tuition then more shopping spree!tml gg w yanshan to twn again!and its gg to be my 2nd time in twn in a span of 4 days!aiyo!

today best! me von lin darius and zhenhao met!guess where?as usual our beloved von chose bugis and tadah!!its bugis for 2 consecutive dayS!!!wow!haha..due to budget constrains we settled in swensens..haven been there for some time..haha..den our dearest friend zhenhao was very nice to send us home!thanks zhenhao!

i just cant wait to go k box on the 17th!and the stayover at vonnie place!haha!gonna be fun!

now im trying to pack my days for next week..so far next mon will be to the pool in the morn den to parkway in the evening..tues will be giving tuition den wed gg for jb briefing and blading with charmainex!!lg timex nv meet her alr..act. nt very lg lah!den thurs swim in the morn..fri give tuition again..basically my evenings are free!sianx haha...but no bucks cnt go anywhere oso:(

haha..tmrs tuition day..haha..sun too!yawns!slpin nw:)

nitexnitex!

blaDing..cYclinG..iCe sKating?

before i start elaborating on the title..let me just complain about my stupid msn!urggh!!!it is still signing in nw!gross!

yah..about my nick..haha..i wanna learn these since im slacking and will be for two more weeks!haha..apart from giving tuition im trying to pack my days!haha

tmr is my sis birthday and great we are going to east coast park and im GOING TO LEARN BLADING!!!yes!finally i get to learn sth new!after that im going to learn cycling and ice skating!keep my fingers crossed that me cn master all of them!

sorrie linnie and vonnie dat me gtta change our meeting to fri instead of tml!i cant wait to meet u two babes!

watching miss universe nw and the contestants are jus simply gorgious!yah!babes..!

me jus read the email frm weejin our chief gl!
haha..he sounded so excited in his msg!haha..me hope i can tahan the camp after a three days sewniors' camp before that!wow!its going to be so shiong!

but all my camps will start on the 20th june so to those who wants to go out!please jio me before this date ok?hehe!!

im all geared to go to the pool all often den nt!yay!went todae!
going on thurs and fri again!den next mon thurs and fri?haha..

this week is going to be a calm week coz hes now in pattaya with mf and all..yah...
so no smses and he wnt b on msn too!haha..he will be back on sat but so what ill be packed till sunday..

got his smses on last sunday after our last east coast outing last tues..
yah..its another of those 'mei!!!im so bored!!!' msges..so u see what i mean?nvm if u don't:P

im trying very hard to get him out of my mind..really!maybe i jus cant?does it mean that we shldnt meet up..shldnt keep in contact so that i will succeed?does it mean i have really gotta do this?i dun wan to bear w this feeling for another year..realli!and its been a year for this gor-mei r'ship!i cant believe this!on the 19th july it will be the official date when we recog each other as bro and sis..of coz he will not remember and i aint surprised that hes ignorant bt this!c'mon lor..even he doesnt noe when is my birthday when its so close to his!haha

im relaxing and see how things go..

yesterday i went to the fd fest w my mum and i treated her to lerk thai..haha..wanted to treat her since a long time alr..

was surprised that my mum act. told me to grab any opportunities that come my way..guess u guys shld noe what shes referring too bah..was telling her that i dun gif a shit if im going to be attached or not..i dun care if i have a bf or even if he is gg aft her ***..i dun wanna care!its so so tiring..
mummy saes i shldnt haf this kinda silly thots of not getting a bf soon!

why not?thats what she used to say what?why is she changing her stand?i was used to hearing her say the benefits of being single..how wonderful and carefree one will be to be w/o a bf..advantages of not getting married..not hafing children..hw great and peaceful to be a 'bix-woman'......etc. etc.

now all has changed..shes no longer telling me these!she has been influencing me and asking me to be sharp eyed!how to pick a prospective bf, husband a son in law!
MUM!!!why this sudden change of tone?i cant understand!

suddenly i feel so lonely..even my mummy is trying to 'sell' me away!aiyo!
not only am i abandoned emotionally now even physically?what is going on!

im jus pondering too much?yah..i tink im gg nuts if i dun sort out my life before sch starts!

sometimes i jus wonder if time can freeze during my jc daes!the time when i didnt meet him..time when we werent g** and m**..time when i was younger..the time when i wasnt bothered..

sighh...

enuf!tmr is going to be an exciting day!

im gg to pierce eyehole w my sis!haha..finally gt a 'yes' frm me daddy!gave up persuading mummy go to daddy lor!haha..super exciting!

and yes its me myself again!a vainer gal at large! so sorrie pals! ive changed and im deteriorating for the worse...

joleen is no longer the past self the pk whom uve known..im sorrie:(

bored

e boredom is getting onto me..

me jus completed the da vinci code by dan brown!
see im so bored ritex?

im gg to swim in the morn tml so i mus quickly finish this entry and go to bed!

yah..nv felt so bored for ages!haha..

yest i met up with weinee!and we jus sat at the coffee club at wisma and chatted!for nearly 3hrs!believe it or nt!
we jus talked and talked..bt the guys who cm and went in our lives..yah..and its really came and went..haha..we bitched and expressed our regrets and stuff
weinee!u mus take care okie!
i was a bit taken aback when i heard u sae those things..worried oso!
weinee!u r my idol!i noe u can do it!jiayou!
now u noe my current status and feelings and...yah!i will lk for ya and u mus promised to cm to me if ya need help k?wad ya said is true and ill ponder over it dear!

an iceberg melting?no!i dun tink im moved at all!yesh!i mus remain an iceberg!i mus rem dat im cold!im unwavered..and wads more..aft one wk things will be diff!yesh!diff..i dare nt pin too much hope..though he msged me todae..so?i dun gif a damn!

yah i dun!i cant!i dun wanna b hurt!not again!no!i cant!

or do i?am i realli feeling dat wae?y issit so hard to sever this pain..?im withdrawing myself alr..i jus cnt help to long for sth..i admit i cant let go..

oh no!this is nv ending..its bad!i dunno..i dun wanna noe..i cnt imagine..i jus hope smone will tk over this place..i noe its unfair to this person..but...

i dun wanna tink further..a wk w/o contact may be better..yah..god bless us and bless me lord!

aiyo!

todae getting results alr..i am not having any special feelings abt it..

btw just got a B for me last ge..so okie lahx..

my main aim now is to settle my exercise regime!and yes!went swimming today and going to get a new swimsuit tml and offf to the pool again!im going to be super onz swimming since me gt nothing to do other than giving tuition and swimming and shopping..

i mean window shopping coz no work how to shop..haha..

i am going to be bired to the corecoz al frans haf fd jobs haha..

he is gg pattaya frm mon to sat so if we were to meet up it will a wk ltr..

hey!whus free jio me out leh!haha..

kkie..its late and mes gg to slp sn..

(darrens nt gg overseas alr..so hes gg to b my co gl again..latest update frm jeremiah:)

sleeping well tonitex!

the BEACh!

yeah!i finally went to the beach today!haha..thot will be cycling but in the end..never..!

yah..currently still jobless!so nothing to do..
haha..

yah..went dere with him..thot it wld rain..in the end didnt..he asked if i wanna learn cycling but i wasnt prepared leh..haha..realli missed the times when i was still in vj..the running route..but the open air food center has been renovated..

i wanted to go bedok jetty and aft he parked his car nearby we strolled dere!e feeling the calmness the peacefulness was back..when we walked dn to the end of the jetty!and dis time rd it feels diff coz its w a diff person..yah...haha..

we laughed at the uncles..the fish..the peeps..we crapped...he told me bt his life his duty in the army..his jc life..haha..even his gfs and alot bt rain...yah..i knew much more..bt his parents..their bkgrd..rain n stuff..cun believe we tok..i mean i listened to his stories and as n when chipped in..haha..

den at ard 7pm went to the renovated lagoon hawkwe to eat!i felt real guilty eating those food!but gor wans to eat..so i no choice..guess wad!
he ordered..satay sugarcane and bbq stingray..me ordered my fav rojak and he wanted the oyster omelette...din touched dat..onli a bit of the egg!
dats y mes slping early to swim tmr morn!going to swim for an hr n a half!haha..no choice n tmrs gg to diet!

haha..he said sm funny stuff abt finding bf and dunno wad..wad husband..dunno wad always be mine..huh?
dunno wad..i choose not to tink bt it..given me status nw..haha..hes nice..but im not longing/hoping for anithing alr..its tiring..and mes nt gg to exhaust meself lidat..

hes gg pattaya next wk..asked me to go?me dun wan..no bucks oso..haha..he wans me to go for the kelong one..mb bah..haha..mes filling up me next wk wif activities since mes jobless..onli tuition..haha..

slpin nw..pool!!here i come!!whoohoo!!!

blOgging heals E soul!

im so bored!

its been a long time since im feeling this way!

aiyo!gave tuition for the past two daes:P wow!suddenli felt so shiong..!
but wat to do?mus wk den can earn money..some more jobless!3 students at one go..4.5 hrs of tuition..one after another..some more consecutive for 2 daes!wow!

nvm..joleens shen!

but seriously speaking i dunno when my fuel will run dry..i need the money!yes!to support the halls, schs and personal expenses..given the things which i wanna do..to save up and my monthly singing course..wow!me need to be a 'mini' millionaire!haha

finished one book..starting another..mes trying to pack meself with stuff to do..to go out with friends!and yesh!mes meeting yanshan in 12 hrs' time and meeting weinee on tuesday!haha..wed n thurs will be tuition..sat and sun too! but sat n sun may hafta wk at the wrld book fair!

i hope will gt calls for jbs!else veri sianx..and the trainer for the bk fair is stressing me out!aiyo!c'mon!we r dere to help sell the bks not to compete who can ans ur stupid qns in the shortest possible time lehx..

btw jeremiah told me that darren is not gg to be gl animore..no special feeling but jus wanna blog it dn..felix may be the next best alt..haha..acc. to jeremiah..hillst. may gt an imported male gl..jus lyk ladyhill hafing an imported joleen..dat is if im moving to mayfair..hope i do!

yah toking bt jeremiah..hes quite nice..haha..dat dae was asking him hw to get to gt to the jurong east swimming pool and he act. helped to check it out and msged me the cfmed mrt station!haha..nice nice..in the end we fd e place!hey!me and huishanx were zai too kaex!

recently,guys are behaving weirdly..but joleen has chosen to block off everything!me s not reacting..so sorrie..and please dun jio me to club!i wun go!haha..
i hope u gt wad i mean..so sorrie to turn ya dn..but i jus dun club!sorrie..

mixing a lot w galfrans!

good!

went out with my meimei on fri!we bought lotsa stuff!at least i was bk w a fila bag,a pair of goggles and 3 tops!one frm fox 2 frm baleno!!

im so bored!people jio me out lehx!haha..

weilin!come back quickly!waiting for ya to come k w us!hurry!

sun burnT?

wow!

i actually can get sunburn!i really din noe dat!haha

today me n huishan-me very good friend whom ive made through nbs orientation camp last year went to the jurong east swimming complex!haha..just felt like gg to swim and have fun so since huishans work hasnt started so decided to jio her out..

guess wad!reached dere at 9.30am thinking that it is too early for a storm to occur but...the sky was menacingly black over at lakeside...aiyo!scary dear!haha
me n huishan..as gungho as ever still insisted..luckily it merely drizzled and we were blessed w partially good weather!heng ah!haha..was bored w the 'fun' so we returned the flaots and started some serious swimming in the competition pool!
yah!dis is where the burning started!haha..swam continuously for 45mins den slacked in the pool till 1pm!
whoohoo!toked and tanned!haha..finally the sun was out!den got burnt on the face!i was still laughing at huishan!when she commented dat me too!oopps!haha...

after dat us!e two hungry souls headed to ikea to eat!haha..MEATBALLS!yumyum!slurp!huishan also saes nice!so see me taste..walked round ikea to look for hall's decor!hee..mus save up alr..act. wanted to go queenways shopping center..but we were too tired and it really poured at ard 5 plus..so we decided to head home..heeeheee

fun but tiring day..coz i woke up super early!guess huishan was feeling similar..:P

im very glad to have known huishan!if not me life in ntu will be veri miserable..and im gg to be real stranded..act. to think of it..im a veri blessed gal!since primary mes always not afraid to be without friends..especially in tk vj and now god is kind enough to let me meet a friend like huishan..heng ah!(hey!dats my surname!)haha

yah as i was saying..huishan is my closest friend in ntu..my soulmate!thanks huishan!

good friends are hard to come by and we shall treasure them!
and i am very confident dat i have a few true blue good friends at this pt of my life!thank you god for being for being so kind to me!

me cant go for og gathering at gors place again tml..a bit dissappointed..but promised mei to go shp alr..haha..but nvm lar..his hse is lyk hw far away..another time bah..

im giving meself space..and learning to relax and not to pin any hopes on any thing..jus let things be bah..

darius!dun worri!joleen is going to be fine..thanks a lot for your concern dude!we shall go k when linnie is back!ey!org lei!get the veri long hrs lei!me gt one whole list of songs to k!heehee...

take care everyone..think this hols mes gg to be partial jobless..onli tuition and a short temp job..
haha..act. i dun realli mind..its been a lg lg time for me to be this slack alr!haha..enjoying meself man!haha

iTS nOt too BAd aFTerall!

yah its wasnt as bad as i thought..

i went out with him..yah went out on a one on one 'date' with him yeaterday..was really apprehensive to meet him actually..dunno why..maybe coz tink we dun really have much to talk about..i wanted to pass him the cookies which ive bought for him:)

yah i was early n was alr at orchard at 1pm.after gg to a jb agency in the morn w huishan and mel.he woke up at ard 1+pm and he msged to meet at 43opm..was fine w it and went to gt bks frm orchard lib and happily indulged myself in a cup of vanilla latte at coffeebean whilst reading e bk..

huishan saw him online..she told him to come n meet me asap..he wanted to go for a swim first..but coz of huishans wrds he din go swim afterall..i wasnt pissed or anithing that he made me wait..afterall im always waiting for pple to turn up..for the past years my frans even the gals.. i dun mind or maybe its coz of another reason? i cnt confirm..

he msged me n told me that hes on his way alr..i asked why he din go swim?as usual..he thought i din noe its coz of huishans chiding dat he decided to come earlier..he msged dat hes worried dat im alone and will be bored..!haha..c'mon lah!huishan called me lor!hey!mes nt stupid u noe!try to sd nice issit..try harder yeah!mes nt like ur other gals boy!u can do all the sweet talking..its nice to hear..touches one heart..but..hey!joleens noe her stuff..coz i didnt show..im smart kaex?

went to watch the interpreter..nt too bad though..he finished half of my popcorn!and the cookies which i gt for him..haha..

ill give him credit to be sweet enough to bring a huge addidas sweater with him..
for me i mean..haha..and it was really comfy to be covered in it during the show as it was really cold!thanks boy!yah!maybe dis is the kinda of little minor things that will make me feel a little for him..

mes a simple gal..jus a little care n concern ill be happy already..haha..

he drove me home..yah its nice coz dun nid to take train and walk 2 stops back home..its lyk the 2nd time if im nt wrong dat he sent me hm..or was it the 1st?i cant remember

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i told my mum bt him and the stuff he told me yeaterday and wad he did..his actions his words..yah my mum is very open bt dis kinda of things..which is good!my mum is lyk my fran..

she act din disapprove me gg out with him in the future..if ever deres one!yah..she jus asked me to be careful about wad he said and his various more than intelligent qns and ways to sd me out..haha..im nt ignorant too u noe!im nt taken in by ur wrds n sweet talking dear..haha..coz im immune to them alreadi!yes im!

btw shanx and tingx dun tink highly of him..yah not at all..tingx saes he does not look lyk a good guy..shanx commented nonstop dat he lks lyk a beng..haha

okok..me mum tinks otherwise though..haHA

he has his mind of his own..he plans for his future..a high achiever..a focused boy..but sad to say a flirt?

haha..he has so many gals who throw emelves at him..no fear that he will be lonely..he goes out will different gals..haha..flirt?maybe?maybe not..he goes out with them cox he wans to noe them better yah better as in to find out more about em..i think its not considered flirting..y am i finding excuses for someone whom everyone calls him a flirt?i dunno ..jus dun ask me y?i realli dunno..

jus wan the storm in my heart is clearing..deres another waiting to come..i cant let my heart be filled w this feeling again..yah..i am a deep thinker..i jus think too much..sometimes i jus hope to nt be bothered bt it so much..

im seriously tired..real exhausted..im a depressed soul..i cant wait to see a peaceful sea..a beautiful shore..a better joleen!

pINk vIsor!

firstly i would like to thank yanshan yiting and charmaine for celebrating me 20th birthday with me at billy bombers yesterday!
its has been years and its so sweet dat we still meet up!haha..

hmm..next will ya our dearest tingx and charmx bdae!

me and shanx mus tink of a place and gifts already dearies!

haha..me LOVE the visor!on top of that its PINK!yes its soft baby pink!so so sweet!
heh now ive a white cap a puma reddish pink cap and a soft pink visor!suddenly its caps overload!haha..

i LOVE E GIFT!!thanks babes!heehee

todae had vj clas gathering and as usual a few of us paiseh us again!wadever!urghh!

yah..and as usual jon is still as crappy and hes always disturbing..he is a nice guy lah..talented..excellent speaker!and actually to be truthful hes actually a charismatic boy..if hes not so vulgar tink hes a nice bf!haha..tink he shud be lah..

e guys still look the same btw..haha..a bit awkward after looking at those in uni!haha..uni guys are lots more mature and yah more gentlemanly bah!haha

me status?nw?

i dun care about guys/no guys!they are not gg to be part of my life!
as what i had blogged before..i am in the state of recovery..yah..i am immersing meself in joy and laughter..to forget the hurt the pain the depression and shit which were with me for months..i am learning to let go slowly..n i dont care anymore!

joleen is joleen!i love myself!

my vj frans are a bunch of weirdos lyk to ask questions especially if i am attached or not?do i look like those who will get attached?haha..yah i do hope so but my prince charming has not appeared yet..haha..why u pple keep on asking? dont ask already kaex?i understand till i am numb already!and i am going to be numb going to turn cold!

yah it will be hard to move this partially frozen mountain!any brave soul can attempt to melt her!but let me warn you!she pricks when she is frozen..it is not going to be easy when she really turn into an iceberg..yah..very soon i guess..it is really not going to be easy..and once she is frozen ahe is going to be hard!yah 'heartless'!dont try to mess with her yeah!

hope?
i wish joleen will not be turning COLD!

tanNED BLAckenED suN-KisseD babe!

haha..tink this title sds gd yeah?

sunkissed babe!haha..sounds good yea?

yah mes so tanned after me resort trip!and today i went swimming!haha..after many months!haha..will go more often if i still cannot find a job!haha..
w
not much to blog today actually..and i felt great after penning down my thoughts in my book of secrets!haha..yah i do have such a book!and its only for meself!yah!its a book which i have my 'darkest' secrets!haha..

maybe im not really feeling how i shud be feeling..what i need is time i guess..a bit more time for my wounds to heal..for my injuries to be gone!yah to be gone with e wind!

im longing to be emotionless..learning not to feel..i had no such problems in jc!why when i come to uni ive such shit to handle?mayb its bcoz in uni dere are more pple
who care more who show more who r frank..or was i just a blur sotong yrs ago?

i rather to feelingless..dunno anithing!den i can be jus me!haha

issit it great?lifes was simpler den!sighh..haha

getting tired!and im lking fwd to meeting shanx tingx n charmx!haha..and our neoprints!

sLeePY priNCess!!

yesh!me jus gt meself a new nick name!a sleepy PRINCESS!haha...all e pochahontas e lilo e mulan and stuff..i wanna b a PRINCESS!!ONE TO B PAMPERED and showered wif lotsa love care and concern!

haha

jus gt bk frm perhentian,kota bahru yesterdae morn!and me thot mes gg johore bahru!happily told me mum dat im taking a 10hrs bus ride to johore bahru!cant std myself!'clever'as usual!

haha..slpt on the bus..then i act. sat on a speed boat to cocohut e resort where we stayed for 3 daes 2 nights:)haha..basically jus eat snorkel and relax n bask under the sun!of cox!ive bcm more tanned!haha

went snorkelling!was super scared esp seeing the corals and rocks!guess wad me saw huge turtle,baby shark!nemo!!clown fish!wow!!!but i was super frightened of the sea dat i held on to hanyan's hand lyk no ones business!haha
at night watched em play mahjong..soccer and jus laze ard!haha

rather relaxing!and me bought meself a pink puma cap and a top and a pair of res sandals!haha

okie!relaxing trip..

jeremiah helped me fd a job for the cming wrld bk fair!haha at least cn earn a bit more on top of tuition fees!haa

yeah!gg swimming tmr!!yippee!!

yawnx

yah i jus woke up after napping..yawnxs..n me mum was nagging dat im up to disturb pple while dad n sis r sleeping alr..sighh

suppose to b in sentosa now for my nbs camp but den yann cheng didnt book chalet whatsoever n tadah!we get to come home!the best thing was that the camp ended 5hours earlier!heehee..thanks mel for being so understanding that me dun need to go sentosa again tmr!thanks gal!

gor suddenly appeared out of no where during the last part of today's camp!
sighh..i was dressed sloppily in a red sleeveless top and 37 degress shorts..yucks!i hate dressing lyk this!urghh..!hate wearing shorts except fbt..mb thats y dun realli lyk camps!dun care im jus gg to b myself and wear me fbt during camps from nw on:)

talking about camps makes me want to faint(weilin if u r reading this im alr trying my best to type full alr!)haha..
yah talking about camps!!??!!me have to clear 5 more camps--2 actual and 3 precamps!haha
and the 'best' thing is that they all clash!ok lah..its like one after another!and its really one day after another!i dunno how im going to survive!haha but its a great opp for me to control my diet!haha

great i can be noisy again!but must bao chi xing xiang so that wont leave a bad impression and be called an air head again!but haha they eventually changed their impression on me!which is good!
and danny how can u say that im noisy?im me!haha.

yah!its true that i love attention!yes i agree sometimes that im an attention seeker!maybe its because i am trained since sec 1 to be loud!yah loud!but one has to understand it was because of my unhappy past..shant mention them...that's y i love attention!

when people give me their attention i just feel great..maybe that's y i feel great performing in front of others bah!FUN FUN FUN and ,making frans..pple may tink that im a bimbo!but im not okay?my close frans can vouch for me i hope!

JOLEENS NOT A BIMBO!NOT AN AIRHEAD!

but if you guys think so..ive nothing to say also:(

tmr mes going perhentian..but ive not packed or anything..so slack..will jus pack light and do it last minute when i wake up tmr bah..yawnxs..haha..going to sleep again!

and gor said that ive become more tanned!haha..oopps!i swear that i didnt do anything to get darker except walking under the super hot sun on tue when i went to sentosa with the gals to check out the fright nite's route...

haha..gg to get worse when i come back from me trip..gg to get sun block but from experience whether block or dun block will still be a burnt joleen lah..haha

n yah i become another disney character alr!this time round im not only pocohantas but also lilo!haha im getting all the funny disney characters!am i really this funny looking?so weird!im very conscious of my looks and please i need assurance if all these resemblance are good or not?i hope so!please tell me yes!haha

see the vain side of me emerging again?haha

oh yah went to kbox with sis ytd!and yesh!me and me sis onli super shiok!we sang for 3.5 hours!haha..so shiok!think i can sing celest songs and we had fun singing FIR's songs practically bringing the room down!haha..me is in love with yi shi de mei hao!so nice!and i finally saw tong hua's mtv!so sad but i din cry lah jus shocked over the story..sighh!

sang landy's zu wo shen ri kuai le..yah its so nice..when i was singing this..i thought of the day i spent in hall alone trying to mug and yah..wishing myself shen ri kuai le..so depressing huh?haha.. this is part of the song:

还爱你 带一点恨 还要时间 才能平衡
热恋伤痕 幻灭重生 祝我生日快乐

and this is my favourite song at the moment:

海的思念绵延不绝 终于和天 在地平线交会
爱如果走得够远 应该也会跟幸福相见
承诺常常很像蝴蝶 美丽的飞 盘旋然后不见
但我相信你给我的誓言 就像一定会来的春天
我始终带着你爱的微笑 一路上寻找我遗失的美好
不小心当泪滑过嘴角 就用你握过的手抹掉
再多的风景也从不停靠 只一心寻找我遗失的美好
有的人说不清哪里好 但就是谁都替代不了
在最开始的那一秒 有些事早已经注定要到老
虽然命运爱开玩笑 真心会和真心遇到

i just cant wait to start my singing course again!i love to sing and i have a dream!yesh!i shall call it a dream!a dream to make singing my career!haha..yah see!that is y i call it a dream!its so far fetch ritex?so unattainable ritex!just let me continue dreaming and maybe one day this dream may come true!haha..oh no!joleens is really thinking too much!haha

linnie!if u managed to survive till here..haha..guessed i did a good job for this entry rite?i give myself 3 pats on my shoulders!haha maybe today im in a neutral mood thats y!haha

oh great! me the sleeping princess is sleepy again!oh great!i shall go back to lala land and quickly walk up to pack my stuf tmr morn!yawnxs!so sian only teck seng talking to me on msn..haha..wad a sianx dae..haha..but i get a peaceful time to blog all this!dun complain its too long coz ill only be back on tue!

DUN MISS JOLEEN YEAH!
I BEtta go and sleep and not be crappy anymore else u peeps cannot take it animore!so sorrie!haha this is JOLEEN!!
HAHA

had FUN

haha..slept and forgot abt ytd alr..haha..realli? tink not so..

anw woke up super early this morn so dat i can be at harbour front to meet huishan and mel..went sentosa to check out the fright nitexs route!wow!walked at least 5 km i think!walked n walked n poor mel got injured coz she jumped off the tram before we can even stop her!oh no!

as usual we are so sen dat we managed to find the route in 2.5 hrs!yes!walked dat number of hours!not bad huh!im zai okie!haha

den rushed home to bathe and went to meet charmaine..heh!finally treated her to sakae buffet!me?had sakae buffet in like 4 days!so paiseh same peeps served us..haha

but yet again i dun puke sushi!heehee..yahyah..gd gd!

we went heerens to take neoprints!yupx its the same machine..e $10 machine!so nice as usual!haha w me ard of coz nice lah!n both of us?haha best pic sia!haha
ooppss being bitchy yeah!haha

but e photos were gd k?we had fun editing!and hey!charmaine pinks nice kaex!haha..shall save up and go n take more of em!heehee...

me is sleepy

and im so proud of my mango skirt!my mango shocking pink jacket!my shades and my belt!haha

oh no!mes becoming vainer?haha..no such word i guess!
haha..

sianx dun realli like to go orchard esp e orchard mrt area..its e 2nd/3rd time dat i got approached by wad talent scounters and stuf..haha..todaes one veri funny..char helped me to siam them..haha..

hmm..morale booster number 2/3?haha..no lah..not really a big deal..lots of babes around also

whatever!dont wanna tink of unhappy stuf and am going to sleep now!yawnxs

i really like prints me took with huishan mel and charmaine..haha..shanx tingx n charmx we go take oso k?

haha!
feeling betta today!heh..thanks thanks!

PISSED

yes im pissed!
simply..extremely pissed!jus pissed!dunno jus PISSED!PISSED!PISSED!PISSED!

morning was still fine..
maybe its because he called to arrange to meet ytd( lin i just cannot type full lah!so mafan!)
will try again next time mes not in the mood todae!
so sorrie

yah..as i was saying..yah im pissed coz promises r broken yes made and broken!
wad e hell sorrie for the swearing..but i cnt take it animore!pls dun make empty promises if u dun intend to keep em!
pls i beg u!

he called to arrange to meet up,,yah when i was bt to slp ytd nitex..okie lah..meet up den meet up lor..i dun mind lah..
hey c'mon lor..me intended to meet up w lin n von n esp thot dat it shud b alrite to meet in the evening since u r so insistent to meet!specially brought the cookies..who noes as usual ganna pangse..nt as if im desperate to meet u but u r e one who said so!

mood was lousy upon receiving ya msg..yah was affected n ewas half sianx alr..luckily von n lin were ard else i wld realli jus flare up man!yes!
dis me..ganna pangse is nt gd!
the feeling suxs!yes suxs!

u wan me to make time for u?yah i did!nt dat i didnt make time..i did todae..too bad u missed the chance..yes frans im dis mean...dun incur me wrath!i cn b nasty oso!yes when i wan to be...i dun wanna be the angelic joleen whom one noes..im sorrie..im PISSED IM PISSED REALLI PISSED!!

i had enuf of ur sweet talking.yes i had enuf!stp toking to me bt the crap!
yah!
i hate guys at the moment!including u!i dun care hw much u sae bt gor n mei!
i jus dun care!hope dat i cn jus burst out crying nw!yes nw!teas brimming again!i jus cnt cry nw..parents everyone is at hm..no i cnt..

wad tim sum?wad wanna go out wif mei?a piece of shit!sorrie im swearing again:(i cnt stand it animore!u hafta wait?yah!u haf to wanna ask me out is nt easy u noe!im lyk hw pked!im sorrie!u jus hafta wait n i noe u will jus forget!n yah forgt kor!i dun care!i dun wanna care!im me

i love myself!jus myself!i dun wanna get hurt!im gg to be selfish!joleen is gg to be selfish!its gg to b me n onli me!

u made me upset!u made me despair!u made me bcome sm1 whom i dun even dare to noe!u r the c

PISSED

yes im pissed!
simply..extremely pissed!jus pissed!dunno jus PISSED!PISSED!PISSED!PISSED!

morning was still fine..
maybe its because he called to arrange to meet ytd( lin i just cannot type full lah!so mafan!)
will try again next time mes not in the mood todae!
so sorrie

yah..as i was saying..yah im pissed coz promises r broken yes made and broken!
wad e hell sorrie for the swearing..but i cnt take it animore!pls dun make empty promises if u dun intend to keep em!
pls i beg u!

he called to arrange to meet up,,yah when i was bt to slp ytd nitex..okie lah..meet up den meet up lor..i dun mind lah..
hey c'mon lor..me intended to meet up w lin n von n esp thot dat it shud b alrite to meet in the evening since u r so insistent to meet!specially brought the cookies..who noes as usual ganna pangse..nt as if im desperate to meet u but u r e one who said so!

mood was lousy upon receiving ya msg..yah was affected n ewas half sianx alr..luckily von n lin were ard else i wld realli jus flare up man!yes!
dis me..ganna pangse is nt gd!
the feeling suxs!yes suxs!

u wan me to make time for u?yah i did!nt dat i didnt make time..i did todae..too bad u missed the chance..yes frans im dis mean...dun incur me wrath!i cn b nasty oso!yes when i wan to be...i dun wanna be the angelic joleen whom one noes..im sorrie..im PISSED IM PISSED REALLI PISSED!!

i had enuf of ur sweet talking.yes i had enuf!stp toking to me bt the crap!
yah!
i hate guys at the moment!including u!i dun care hw much u sae bt gor n mei!
i jus dun care!hope dat i cn jus burst out crying nw!yes nw!teas brimming again!i jus cnt cry nw..parents everyone is at hm..no i cnt..

wad tim sum?wad wanna go out wif mei?a piece of shit!sorrie im swearing again:(i cnt stand it animore!u hafta wait?yah!u haf to wanna ask me out is nt easy u noe!im lyk hw pked!im sorrie!u jus hafta wait n i noe u will jus forget!n yah forgt kor!i dun care!i dun wanna care!im me

i love myself!jus myself!i dun wanna get hurt!im gg to be selfish!joleen is gg to be selfish!its gg to b me n onli me!

u made me upset!u made me despair!u made me bcome sm1 whom i dun even dare to noe!u r the culprit!
I HATE YOU!I JUS HATE YOU!!
GET OUT OF MY LIFE WILL YOU!!
N DUN PROMISE WHEN U NOE U CANT KEEP IT!

joleen u r nuts u r a failure..thot u gt over it alr?u didnt did u?u r confused bt ur feelings arent u?even u cnt help urself who can?u r starting to hate to loathe to forgt to ignore..the feeling..u keep denying..but do u mean it?
pple ask u said no..yah confidently...but u realli mean it..u seem excited when u tok bt it..y?when u rceive e msges u r over the moon..y?hw cm?yah he cares..but does he mean it?u r jus a spare tyre joleen!yes!u r theirspare tires!

onli my yanshan my yiting my tkgs charmaine my yvonne my weilin..my zhiyu r my true frans..my soulmates..my everything.dey r always dere for me!

yanshan!i miss toking to you!i need ur listening ears!i wanna cry out loud u noe yanshanx..i cnt!im depressed!onli u noe me well!yes well enuff!

i hate the wrld!i hate my present life..i hate everything..yah i may seem happi on the outside..i try to be!try nt to affect others..coz i dun wanna affect me impression as a cheerful gal..but inside every cheerful gal..joleen cn b veri miserable..im still a fragile person..i do break dn..n esp ever since last yr dis feeling has been grabbing me for a long time..it jus cnt disappear..yah cnt disappear..

god pls gif me sm enlightenment!i need sm!im suffocating!

n rem!promises r realli meant to b kept!