u aint worth the tears

slept at 4.15am and now im awake at 7.38am..
wanted to sleep more but thot i shuld blog instead..

im tired but i tink if i were to go back i cant slept either..or ill jus oversleep cox i gtta wake up at 830am aniwae to meet mel for subject reg. at 930am

mtg charmaine ltr!hee..finally mtg her and YESH! passing her her prezzie which i bot 1 mth bfore xmas and now its lyk xmas' over...yah..

my room is quiet now only the sds of morning crickets outside...

if only i din wake up and read the msges..if only i din saw him online ytd..it felt so familiar yet so distant..couldnt really reply his msn msges properly as i was chatting with my freshie frm 12 odd to 4 odd..yah..in my room..

im blessed with a lot of things..its only when it comes to this issue dat im lyk
thrown apart..

it was a msg which was super long..had to clear 3 of my xmas greeting msges bfore me could read the entire one..

'whus the boy whu made u cry?'
i couldnt sae hes you..

'you still haven told me whu made ya cry?'
i really cant tell ya hes you..

'hw cn ya not tell me somethings?'
cox ya r simply him..

its been a long time since i last thot of him..was on the bus home the day before when the nostalgia came and was relishing those moments..tears whelmed but i didnt tear..i was strong..i din wan to tear and i thot that u really aint worth the tears..

din noe u went taiwan..im sorry i thot u forgt bt things or to be direct forgt that u haf a mei..yah..im sorry..

lyk i say if ya were to disappear it may be easier for me to gt over things..nw uve made things harder for me again..i mean yeah..things can be changed but not the memories..

i hate to tear but ur msges made me so..jus so..i haf weakened..retreated frm my battle..but im nt withdrawing..yah great that u r gg off for an exchange..dat will be a piece off my mind..im not sure..mayb u will cm bk will more gals or shld i sae new gals..im caring less..

suddenly fel lyk slping again..its okie that u din gt to wish me merry xmas..i had a lonely xmas eve walking dn orchard rd...its alrite u cnt meet me bfore u leave..i tink its better that we dun meet..its alrite that u dunno whus the boy..its no big deal..its okie that u dont noe hw things r on my side..i dun blame you..its alrite not to bring bk anw presents..cox u never did..its okie that u r busy w lotsa stuff..its typical you...its okie that u dun fulfill wad ya promise..cox u seldom did..

ive survived the last few mths and im sure i cn win the battle in the months to come..'promise ya to work hard and be good?'..of cox ill do that but thats nt a promise to you..its wad i as my parents' daughter must do..n its wad im suppose and will do..

i will not promise ya anything cox i...

nvm..running out of thoughts..but i noe this msg is for me to keep for the mths to cm..its one which will bring bk the memories..the sadness..his happiness..his words..his wishes..mb i shld jus delete..mb not..mb delte ltr?i dunno..

enuff..im gg to nap for another 15 mins mans..tired alr..