failuRe

im sorrie..ive failed!
i promised myself not to cry again after yesterday in the bathroom..
im silly i noe..

i was alright when he called to clarify what happened during the camp..i listened n i believed..there's no need for him to do that..he just need someone to be there to lend him a listening ear..yah..i did

battery went dead halfway..shit..whatever..today was a disgusting day..really gross!

i really dont wish to think about it anymore!especially after telling myself its not worth it..esp.when my tears were for him..hes sad i will be sad..hes depressed..ill be depressed...its never-ending..never-ending..

his actions never tally with his words..i choose not to doubt him but suddenly i think i may be tempted to think abt it..

he likes renhui..that's what he said..i noe..
he mentioned her again..

i just cant believe that i actually told him not to give up on her..asked him to jiayou!what the hell..

tears just rolled down my cheeks..i realised i cant control..simply cant..
im exhausted..realli is!how?m i gg to bring all these shit into the new sem?i dun wan!

'u r the nicest gal in ntu'
'im so blessed'

what's the point of telling me all these?
i dont wanna noe if im the nicest!i can be the nastiest..

i swear that im not gg to msg u again..
im not gg to arrange any meeting..
im gg to be super engrossed w my hall's foc..
im gg to enjoy myself during the camp..
gg to spend time w the rest of the gls..
gg to noe darren better..
gg to forget what u say..
gg to let go of the past..
gg to allow others to enter my life..
not gg to let u affect me..

no matter what i say i noe i cant do it once he msges/calls
theres no use!no way!

i need frans..i need support to forget..but my pals r all busy..
im alone...really alone..im sad..who noes?
nobody noes..
nobody must noe..
i dont noe..
u dont noe..
he dont noe..
no one mus noe..
but god noes..