lasik blues

went to the optician n cfmed that my degree had increased again..lasik wun guarantee that me cn gt perfect eyesight for long as well:(
my mood now is down..so deep down dat its unimaginable..if onli its not so bad..feeling so sick of sick though today's the first day..starting to dislike 304..accounting suxs! i dunno lahs..im feeling so lost..so lost that me jus feel lyk hiding myself in one corner!always haf to put up a brave n confident front..its exhausting...no matter wad ive to survive thru..do i haf a choice?
i wanna do my hair..get a fresher look..get a lianish look?nah..i wanna look different!be different!feel different!think different!do sth different!
so this thurs mes gg for 3 hrs ktv w my sis!yah its vocal training i guess..but tink we r gg to haf fun!fri will be a more relaxed one w yongxiang, danny,alvin, liying,joey, kit n edmund?yah so mani peeps so it means not much air time..haha..n next week hopefully will haf one session on thurs with felix n yj winnie etc..
tink wads gg to keep me gg will b these ktv sessions..my life seems to be more interesting w these sessions..at least my soul seems to b glowing w em..
ive lotsa things to sae..but i dunno hw to sae..ive so mani things to do but me cn onli do that much..dunno wads gg on w me..if ya ask me i cant answer..wad cn mk me smile again?i dunno..i seriously dunno..these few yrs its misery mixed with a little fun a little excitment?i nida a shift in focus!to focus on sth..
thanks darius for ur concern..it aint him whom im troubled with..saw him today finally..heard his voice today, over the phone..so fake everythings so superficial..all i wanted to sae was 'bye'. thanks was wad u said..yah for u i dun mind..mb i actually mind?forget it lahs...forget it..shant channel my soul in it alr..
was telling zhiwei dat mes living for e present!wad future?i cnt see my future..its blurred..yah dunno hw to cook, clean the hse, hate doing hsehold chores etc. etc. seldom/nv done a single thing at home..all of us r lyk this..my mums a hsemaker..so everythings done..its becm a habit alr..so we see no nid to plan 4 the future..
my sis n i seriously considered the possibility of us being single, remaining unmarried..it wld be worthwhile if dat turned out to be our future!yah mb..we have plans to earn money n gt another bigger hse n live tgt..yes living w my parents n sis..even if were to gt married me wan to live close to my parents..too reliaint?mb..oh well..whu noes most likely the former will occur..
feel lyk gg to blade again..no one to accompany:(
feel lyk gg to the beach to scream my heart out!
feel lyk doing some extreme activities but me doing wad r dey
my abrasions still hurt..oouch!n deres gonna be a damn big scar:(
gtting late n me feel super shitty as im typing..esp when mels telling me deres class on thurs!!WTH!!!dere goes my plan!!!damn off!!!y mus sch start?can i jus drp out of sch?can i jus slack?sheesh!!!helps!!im collapsing alr..

lousy mood lousy day..lousy everything!!!!!