fees!!urghh!

re-read the stupid email from office of finance..n jus when i thot ive cleared all my DEBTS..i realised i still owed them $ for school fees!urgghh..wad fuelled my anger even further is the email stating dat ive to pay $320 of hostel acceptance fees n have to stay for a minimum of 2 mths cox bfore dat i wun gt my refund!!

this is super shitty lahs..damn!!all my saving up plans r gone!!shoosh!i wnna move out oso cannt!!wah the hell mans!!n i cant view my results cox me still owe them money!!alas!if only me cn jus drp by sch n pay all that they want!!all at once!!im super duper zuper PISSED!so pISSED dat i can jus spill out FIRE!i jus cant stp cursing lahs!!yucks!!

but whus to blame?of cox its myself lahs..whu ask me nt to pay on time?too bad..i dun pity myself..hw to pay so much at one go?its lyk hell lahs!as if im printing money!i jus hope that i could turn bk the time n chosen nt to stay in hall..nt to be in JCRC..den deres no nid for me to incur so much..so much of my time...my money!!damn wasteful!!urghh..ive to pay everything on my own..with my miserable amt of tuition fees..n once its used to pay for hostel im broke!!nw? asking me to pay 390 for may n june hols when im nt even staying..im alr bu gan yuan!n u dare send me another mail asking me to pay acceptance fee of 320?hey!go to hell mans!i dun haf money lahs!!!urghh!jus feel lyk jus cancelling sia!!!i cant stp staying after a mth which i planned to..ive gtten stay for 2 mths at least

do i really haf no choice?can i dun stay for even a mth?i dunno the answer..im really vexed!sighh..

dat dae when we went shpping, felix said im conflicting myself..its true that i will miss the pple..on the other hand im tired i wanna go home..yah i jus laughed it off..i did..im afraid of loneliness..the initial fun which i had when i entered in yr 1 was no longer dere..im afraid of loneliness in hall..alone in the single room..it aint stuffy cox of the aircon..the wind..but the feeling of being inside is driving me crazy..i cant breathe..i dunno y..mb its psychological..mb its all in the mind..i really aint sure..its bad..my wrld seems to be crumbling down again..its nt even the start of sch n im feeling this way..this is really bad..

ive been thinking alot recently..but i dun gt it..y is life so unfair..no one is perfect..dats y ive imperfections too..but i aint satisfied..i wanna be the perfect one..i noe i cant..I CAN'T..its impossible i noe..BUT I JUS TINK ITS POSSIBLE!
im stubborn!veri n i mus tell u!the important wrd is VERY!

as i grow older i realised im gtting more n more depressed bt my life n the outlook of it...i jus seem to be comfortable wif wad i haf..i cant stay put on sth..im nt as happy or happy-go-lucky as wad i used to be..i simply cant!ive become a stranger to myself..sometimes i dun even noe whus joleen? seeming good on the outside..but u wun noe wad im tinking internally..nt in the negative wae i mean..as ones emotion will affect/infect others..i choose to affect my friends positively..wun want to ruin their days..

detesting myself for everything..hating myself for being bitchy..despising myself for being incapable..disliking myself for the failures..remorseful for being lousy..regretful over my choice..

is dere a wae to redeem myself?i feel as if im jus a nobody..a busybody..

im tired!exhausted!sleepy!i dun wanna tink..i dun wanna wrk!i refuse to face the reality..i hate being mean..simply cant stand this ger called Joleen..falling into depression for no good reason!yah no reason at all! i nid to see a psychiatrist i feel..haha..a physician wun help!

its nice to tok to u online..u still remembered the east coast hawker?haha..nt gifing u my blog add..cox u simply cant read..sorry for that..portraying a blissful ger..u noe nothing..wad u see is a shell carefully crafted n wrapped..its superficial at least to myself..hafing our own life is good!wishing u well though..dun ask me th things uve asked before..dun ask me y i dun gif the guys a chance..dun tell me nt to choose this n that..ur advices i do read..i gt it but before u mention..im well aware!well aware!unless u lemme go, unless u choose to let go..unless u tell me so..u can regard as wad uve regarded since 2 yrs ago?yah n dat was 2 yrs ago!dats fast..i will respond similarly too

heard a shocking news bt my sis' fran turning into a les..or is she a bi? i dunno..me nv ask..its jus so weird to hear this news when i was trying to rush off to wrk..for a while, i was made to think..r singles at this age always stray ,always choose the alternative?

yah i guess so