tRUe hEARt.tRUe fEelINgS n tRUE...

dis gonna b a super lg entry and its gonna hurt..serious..

frans dun needa b worried or anithing guess i shld b alrite sn...

wanted to nap badly but jus cldnt..those words jus keep flashing in my mind..within 9 daes lotsa things happened!i din noe where n hw to start..jus dunno..nv let me jus start with e latest the freshiest memories..or shld i sae its a burden?

been a lg lg time since weve tok...yes toked!umm..its typed via msn..started at ard 1am n till 2=am...was super tired..but jus cnt bear to let him noe coz..

told me his deepest secret..sth which has been in his heart for sm time..i guess..he wanted to gt it off..burdened mind..poor thing..i m too burdened..jus cnt breathe..help!

'i may seem lyk a happy gal...' yah i m!in front of him at least..ive gtta be strg..i cnt let me see e state im in..no wae..

'cnt let ani one in ntu know..will ya std by me forever..u r my one n onli dearest mei..u mus not forgt me even when u r attached..im so happy to haf a mei lyk u..im so proud of u when i see ya perform..r u dissappointed in me..will u abandon ur gor..will do anithing for my mei..'

i jus cnt stop thinking of these..keep flashing in my mind..non stop..i noe im drained entirely..off everything n anything,i cnt function well..im dragging myself n forcing myself to do things nw..this is nt myself..i swear..

'of coz ill std by ya!forever?hw to?but yes coz i gtta sae forever..thxs im touched to b ya treasured meimei..u r talented n im proud of u too..i wnt abandon u..'..these promises even me find em ridiculous..i dunno wad gave me the energy to sae dese..

'hw i hope im nt in ntu..ill rather b in smu/nus den u cn share it w me..'cldnt believe i act typed it..yes it came frm me..i sent it..he read it..n told me..honoured..

I HATE U!!!
HATE U TERRIBLY!!
u r always doing this to me..let me b a freer kite..a freer arrow..let me flame extinguished..let it vanish..y issit that when im succeeding..u will always spoil it..u noe ill cm bk..u noe dat!
U R JUS too MEAN!

ill rather b ur mei..one who 'cn destress me by pouring everything onto me' is this fair to me?nv it doesnt matter..as long as u r happy..

u r jus letting me fall deeper..deeper whenever im jus climbing out of the pit..u will nt let me go..STOP TELLING ME that im ur dearest mei..dun chuck me inside n off u go n cm bk again!its nt nice...leave me a gd impression...

im sorrie!cnt let u noe..u cnt read all dese!no wae!im always cheerful in front of u n U irriTATING!!!dun keep sding me out!i wnt shw!!!unless u kill me...n im nt!!u tink too highly of yaself dear..jus lyk wad i thot i was until nw i realise dat im nt...

nt at all..joleens nt a perfect gal..shes changed..becm worse...shes nt her jovial self animore..in pples eyes she may b so..but inside shes deteriorating..even shes nt realising it..silently veri silently u will kill her..so pls free her frm dese!she cnt make it animore..give her peace..

cnt let u noe..frans reading pls keep it as a secret..i beg u..

heart has been worn off..broken..in fact broke n mended numerous times since im in uni..esp after noeing u..y m i feeling lyk this when ive so mani choices ard..so mani guys ard me?no...i dun mean that but im jus xtremely bothered when u tell me stuff..ur probs seem to b me prob..its lyk dey haf been transferred to me..i bearing ur burden..those troubles...on top of mine!

its not fair..yes!i wish ya well my dearest gor..but dis is nt e wae to treat a mei..no way?!i cn support u n std by u..but..i need my life too..

nt dat im complaining...i dunno where to channel my energy to gt out of the pit again..u haf plunged another sword into me again..each time u do it the worser it gts..

spare me if ya wish me well but dun abandon me..treasure e daes we had..

i cnt stp myself from tinking..i promise wad ive promised!

yes..to std by u n support u..to b ya mei forever..will not abandon u..b ur one n onli dearest mei...

status: a place to cool dn..away frm everything..mending a battered soul..