iS diS mY lIfE???

im jus exhausted..tired...physically...mentally n emotionally...

everything isnt ritex for me.....dis is nt wat i wan!i wanna run escape..to a place faraway..nt sc..no pressure..my life us empty at the moment...onli me frans me families..dats enuf!

realli?
i dunno...y?whenever im alone...ill haf dis feeling..im lonely?nO!!!but is dis a denial?i dunno!im realli troubled..or mb is jus plain exhaystion..i wanna go to the beach...the boundless sea!th blue horizon!i miss east coast...i wanna bike but dunno hw to cycle...i wanna feel the wind against me face...

feeling empty nw...i mean ritex nw as im typing...haf a lot to sae...but guess its jus nt rite to do so...i mean dis me blog i can type watever i wan but....

frans pls keep it a secret esp if ya haf read n r still reading...

let me gt sm slp n ill continue 'reporting' wad happened...

a blistered gal awaits..

tOdAE iS e eNd..bUT iTs nT fOR e frieNDShIP fOrgED!!!!

act. wanted to blog yesterdae but was super tired...urghh...cldnt believe dat i slpt at 530am the dae bfore...oh no!!!
mus gt back all my beauty slp this cming recess wk!!!!if nt...gosh!!!!
yesterdaes performance werent up to me owns satisfaction...i mean my own part..TODAY mUS AND CAN DO IT!!!!

after today 1030???everything will be over..real over...haha...but its a great feeling..no more packed suns...haha...but kinda miss the practices sm times...

sort of lking fwd to after perf...we r gg to spend the nitex tgt!!!!haha...fun fun...lg time nv go out late alr.!!!!yippee!!!!

kkie...betta gt prepared to meet in 1/2 hrs time...n all mugging activities will start in MON!!!this mon!!!!n of coz projS!!!!n EXAMS!!!!

god bless us all!!!!

iTs HeRe...FINALLY!!!!

finally...my halls production is finally here...very sn it will b over sn!

ill realli miss it!!!despite all the lg rehearsals..the scoldings..ill miss the people!!!the time we spent gossiping..playing...suaning one another...the suns we spent tgt...those canvassing times..laughing at one other's makeup...the list goes on...

the pple of coz...ill MISS...my cabaret mummy!!!my twin!!!cindy...my dancer frans...eliza+liying...my jiemei!!!cabaret gals!!!!huiqi n angeline...of COz!!!my veri impt dance PARTNER...charmaine...haha.....n oso super onz seniors lyk huifen...xuefen...seok ling...miner...grace for the hair...fione for e makeup...nt forgtting the directors!!!!yunting n skye...oooppsss still haf our chairman...weisheng!

nice things mus cm to an end!!!its a fact!!!!

current feeling: dead fish...super shag...hurt!as if a thousands pins r piercing into my heart...i dun understd y it is lyk dat...i jus dun...NO!!! oh NO!!!

i GoT e aNsweR finalllllllllly:(

in jus two daes..two impt things happened...its bad...

im slpy....but daphs words were heartbreaking for a moment...yah i mean for a moment...
but at least i noe his std n it wun b awkward animore...haha

e other finally gt wad i mean!!!n me std!din xpect his msg yesterdae...but at least hes nt a blkhead afterall...gd!

the other?
haf been msnsing for the past daes...hes always dere to listen to me crap/complains...etc...but as ive saed we cn b gd frans...haha

my dance partner is super nice...haha...im feeling so blessed to haf known her...

deteriorating every moment....im depressed...YESH!ive admitted..yes...the sadness is sinking in...realli deep dn

hes nt dere for me...hes smwhere else....but as ive saed...hes onli my.....

a sunken heart:(

i goT mY anSwer:(

haha...jus when i was bt to gif up...

oh no...

act. din wanna blog again ina dae...or shld i sae in 13 hrs?
but tink it shld b more/less aworthwhile entry bah...

jus when i was bt to gif up n sae ill surrender..we msned again...n yes..on vdae...haha

started wif him thankin me for the rocher n we jus crapped a bit...haha..den we drifted to my mummy...den bt his nick n such...though its nt a lot...but haha...it feels great...haha

the feeling is jus light an almost extinguished flame being rekindled...slightly:P i dunno whether its gd /bad...i jus dun wanna place too much hope n will jus see hw...let things be bah joleen...

came across this song last wk during mood for love..so nice.....its tong hua!super romantic...if smone were to sing dis to me...ill jus simply melt...haha...oh no...haha

feeling real slpy nw...letting things b on their own....

我要变成童话里 你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你你要相信
相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局 我会变成童话里
你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你你要相信
相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局 一起写我们的结局

mUggING vALentine!!!

todae is valentines dae again...as usual...spending it alone...but w/o shan to acc to me delifrance n spending it in hall w daphne....do wad?

mug..MuG...MUGGGGGG...yes!!!!MUG for test tmr n THURS!!!!NOTIME FOR THE REST OF THE WK COZ Perf is on fri n sat:) wed gg dn nafa to rehearse...tmr rehearse in sch n thurs oso...aiyo..betta complete dis entry fast!!!so i cn go mug for the rest of the dae!!!

frans!!!thxs for wanting to cm to support k:)

yesterdae had rehearsal...full dress...finally felt dat the gns r still manageable...so i shall stick to the diet plan...haha..nw eating lotsa vegie n dats it!haha

bought 56 rochers to dist to frans n gues wad spent lyk 50 bucks on em!haha...

frans frm vj n tk n frans..u guys gt no fu qi alr...haha...was surprised dat he act. passed me a soft toy in exchange for the rocher...haha...but me dun lyk soft toy!!!!haha

fran frm dnstairs bought us roses...haha...nice nice..but eventually the rose ill die..he didnt do anithing...i dun care...haha...me nt gg to care liao!jus gonna concentrate on my studies after dis sat....do i really wan this fri n sat to cm n pass?

nt really...me feeling chengzhong nw...its gd dat we dun need to to cm bk on sun nitexs..the pple...they r those whom ill miss...my 2 other cabaret gals...my twin cindy...mummy teresa..eliza n liying...jessica?haha...nt coz the funni cabaret guys lyk shiwang...shuai shuai jian ming...e ever so slpy lk kevin...nerd nerd qien....my dance partner!!!!charmaine of coz...n ill miss his voice....bernard!haha..

tink i shdnt babble on so much...mus gt to work alr....great...gg to do online quiz nw...everyone take care n dun forgt to cm support me k???thxs frans!!!

pLS leT tIMe FREEZE!!!

after acc tut clas....haf lect ltr but khakis went hm..dat means deres a high possibility dat ill skip...but after sm rest ill do my biz law tut!!!haha. ..

hafta study for tests during CNY>>>>the worst is dat ive to cm bk for rehearsal on chu san nitex!!!!!dis wkend will b spent in hall!!!!!gosh!!!will pia lyk siao!!!NO TIME!!!gosh!!!

rehearsals?every session will gt scolding....sighh...but we r realli nt serious so i guess dats the reason...
panda eyes...tonitex at 1030pm...tmr gg to wake up real earli to chiong hm n mug MUG MUG!!!!!

incentive for tonitex?gttao see gor ...act. to pass him stuf!!!haha...he msned me yest nitex...haha..said dat hell rem me whenever he uses my ntes...haha...daph saes its super sweet...but ill rather nt..coz....oh PLEASE!!!!gor gor gor.....!!!can ya pls dun shw me so much concern?its nice but pls...overdose will cause me harm!!!if ya din noe...cant let ya noe...else i cnt forsee wat will happen!!!so pls......

tok to him for 3 hrs!was surprised by this oso....dunno y jus managed to tok...but everytime hell tok bt boy gal stuf...mayb jus trying to find out more?haha..i onli treat him as a fran:) potential to b a gd fran...mayb shld nt shut dn dis option...but me dun haf e kind of feeling nw....

yest jus realised dat qian ming was frm ctc oso...sm more my direct senior!!!wad a coincidence!!!haha...seriously speaking, hes a gd choice too!!!haha...nt bad nt bad....haha...

im tired of all these....y cnt time jus freeze???????

nt matter hw bad i dread CNY...ill still wish all happy CNY n HAPPY VDAE!!!!

dEsperate waiting...AINT ya gonna do sth?

hmm...its yet another thurs:(

this means dat its the end of the wk n the next fresh wk is cming...it doesnt help dat next wk is CNY....will be spent mugging for the tests for the wk after...n guess wad!!!! my performance has come!!!!stressed! ive gt to lose 2 kilos n yes!!!im realli doing so....

v dae cming...its gonna b another another lonely yr...haha...act. i dun mind staying in hall to mug for the tests...ive no time aniwae!

he did try to sd me out if ive gt a date...n i jus mentioned im gg hm...wun noe if i will agree if he asks again...coz..me tink hes nt the one...but hes nt doing anithing substantial....im nt gg to care...its him whos nt max. the opp....mayb its nt wat ive thot all alg....im tired w this....tink im nt being fair to him....gif him a chance?im nt sure...but its nt 'the' feeling...i guess....

nt much time to think of these..but sm times the thots will jus surface....'lets things be joleen',this is wad i always sae...yahyah..i will stick to it!!!

hes my gor n he will n always be....no matter wad he saes n does...hes mus still b gor!yes!gor!!!its been 6 mths!i jus cnt believe it!yah...HES ONLI MY GOR N ILL ALWAYS BE HIS MEI.....

it hurts actually...'u r my one n only mei!'...im confused by my own feelings...y?hes my gor...i swear!!!

feeling....

yawnx...

in hall nw....its gg to b e start of another wk....sianx...next wk is CNY alreadi...den SP perf!
cant wait for 1 wk break to come!!!needa a real gd rest!

actualli its gg hm to MUG!!!YESH!!!! im gg to be A super MUGGER after dat!!!!

sleepy...yawnx!!!!

dUn foRce mE to HatE yOu, pLeaSe!

todae...or shld i sae yesterdae was super shag!

ge in the morn...luckily jus presentaion...n gt feedback frm the rest....nt too bad!but next time betta dun haf emotion overdose..

had full dress rehearsal...fun but super tiring..in n out!me betta make sure me hair is nt spoilt frm all the curling n stuf...the makeup...gosh!
very pro but its diff me...aiyo!they sae veri pretty...haha....gor saed i lked veri different...but is it a +ve/-ve comment?haha...

tmr still gt dance...gg hm n cming bk again at nitex....aiyo..go hm n mug a sub first...suddenly dun feel lyk gg for comm ball...kkie..me slping le....gtta go hm earli tmr!!!!

aIyO!!!

aiyo!

jus realised dat that ive nt ben blogging for the past 6 daes!

aiyo..din keep track of my feelings n thoughts...

btw, tis week is finally here....a feeling of apprehension, excitment, exhaustion....wadever ya name it i tink ill haf the feeling...
haha, last wk....it was so last min dat we had to perform in front of the hall....DIS week?even worse!this time rd....we haf t operform in opur sch's nanyand auditorium as an advertisment!!!it was so last min but luckily we had some feel of it last wk:) heng ah,,,but den todae n tmr will b realli, extremely....very packed....tut till 1230...ge prac sing till ard 2pm...pub meeting at 3pm....lect at 430...preparation for dance at 630..perf at 740....catwalk after dat+ sp rehearsal till dunno wad time....

tmr? lesson till 3+ aerobics at 630...full dress rehearsal till ??????haha...so busy but exciting to see myself in a new outfit n fresh look?

wed shall mug in hall n thurs?gg for clarences comm ball...luckily managed to borrow a dress daniel yam's dress frm grae...phew!after dat shall go hm....aiyo!tink ill make a tripp hm on wed afternn after my ecns tut....sianx....yawnx woke up at 6 dis morn....to do acc2 tut...

haha...on sat went to do garung guni for nbs foc camp...gor paired up wif me...dunno y jus cant bring myself to haf a heart to heart tok wif him...haha...tink dis y we r onli gor n mei...hope i din bore ya to death gor!!!pleasant surprise to see ya!!!!haha...

todae mus squeeze into the orange tiger dress again n im nt eating lunch n dinner!
haha....me sick?mayb...jus dun feel lyk eating....

real sianx but fri gg chinatwn wif mei...den chiong again...mus study 3 chaps of it!!!!!!aiyo!test cmin:(

i dID iT!!!

hmm...its the first time im sitting infront of the comp n slacking..drinking my soya drink!(finished 1 litre carton le! haha...on a liq diet...)

haha...jus cm bk from our hall's courtyard 2--basically its a series of skits by the hall's drama :)
was rather surprised that we had to do an ad for our special production..we had to dance our bitchy dance!!!

i freaked out on sun but i did it man!!!!haha...gt a bit of mistakes but dey sae cnt really see...i jus realised dat thruout the whole main cast onli me n my TWIN--Cindy are year ones!toking bt cindy!im veri to her....coz of her i gt into choir...i gt to n oe her mayfairians...gt to noe a lot of nice seniors:)coz of her...i gt to try modeling on 1st feb..haha...im even closer to her den daph....haha...sp rocks!!!we rock!!!!n we will n shall continue to rock!!!!haha

toking bt the dance jus nw....haha din manage to cm in when music coz dey were too noisy but i pulled it thru!haha...i can do it n m gg to b more daring when i dance...my beloved frans!!!!zuzu!!!if ya wanna check out another side of joleen...cm to my performance!!!! (ACTUALLY U GUYS DUN HAF A CHOICE!!!!DO YOU?)with my constant pushing of tixs n stuf...haha

but if u guys dun support me...who will:(

next wk is another hectic wk....mon...catwalk rehearsal...tue ge, aerobics, sp full dress rehearsal...as in w makeup n everything...wed gtta help qianyi sell tixs...thurs clarences ball...gosh!!kkie...i betta mug mug n mug n finish tut by sun morn....yes!!!hey sun gt rehearsal again...haha..kkie...ill read sm tb n slp sn!!!!

bUSy wEEk aHEAd...

haha...as im typing this entry im lyk jus half awake..but wat cn u expect frm someone who jus had 4hrs of slp?
rehearsal ended lyk 1230 yesterdae!n worse still me was trying to do acc tut till 3am...urghh...jus managed to complete it!!!YES!!woke up at 730 to do it....urghh....ltr gonna kip let excercise....haha...dun care!

tonitex gonna b hell againx..but FUN i guess:) if i din still in hall n is the inactive n off hall kin...i wun b doing all dese...hafta go somerset for another fitting for the modeling on 1st feb!first time im gg for all dese...nv modelled bfore dats y hafta try...hm...coz nt eating for the dae...haha..den hafta rush bk for social subcomm meeting...n tmr's is court yard n we have to dance the dance as an advertisment...im still nt too familiar...gosh!dun wanna malu leh!!!!kkie!!!!mus do well n b fang n b bitchy!!!!!!yes!!!bitchy!!!!

rehearsing yesterdae:) n was super surprised to see gor!haha...realli...depressed to sae dat my feelings have been rekindled!oh no!!!i jus cant!JOLEEN!u r mad,a lunatic...simply cRAZI!
yahyah...hes my gor...realli!!!
haha...saw mingfeng his roomie oso...haha...shuaishuai:)haha...added me in his msn..was rather surprised!haha...he bought tau hua n passed me one...so SWEET..haha..hmm...SO NICE...:)

next thurs is clarence's comm ball...looking for a gown frantically...hw hw...no gown...dun wanna wear too informal...wanna lk pretty pretty though he said no need to b too elaborated but i tink shld b presentable....act. dun realli wanna go..but do my buddy a favour lah....haha...

hope will survive todae..tmrs ge at 9am...gosh...eyelids r closing le....yawnx...gg for lesson nw:( sianx

spirits Boosted!!

todaes dance is much much easier...phew but still mus work harder to b perfect...!!!
me quite worried for me own dance!!!!but todaes betta den yesterdaes:P

joleen can do betta!!!haha...

hes so comical n had a new hairstyle...haha..

die...always haf a veri relaxed feeling when i see *** its jus lyk so natural...feels the same when me receive the msges....me is such a failure...

toking to him nw:) haha..but stopped....sighh..

real busy w musical nw!!!frans u guys mus cm okie!!!!! cnfirmed 2 tixs liaox...liying n her beloved danny!!!thxs! of coz, shanx tingx charmx mus oso go!!!von lin darius clarence oso..weinee...zhiyu....huishan...melissa....xiaohan....ngayee ginny....rioja mates!haha

no time to tink bt these...but v-dae cming...will be stoning in rm/go jp n eat lor...haha

lOSt mY tEMPer fINAlly

din actually wanna blog todae...i mean yesterdae since its bt 2am 10th liaox:P

had a rehearsal jus nw...acting part still satisfactory but i mus buck up on the dance part...cnt seem to rem sm actions...:(

sighh...lost my temper at james yesterdae but luckily meijiao's enthusiam to learn sort of balanced my feelings....hope that little wnt create trouble for me again!!!

urghh...lotsa stuff to do tmr...mus wake up earli to finish tut so slping nw:)

tink shall end here:) nitex everyone!!!!!

hOME sWEEt hOme tMR!!!!

act. wanted to blog yesterdae but as wat u cn see i onli managed e title...sianx
sleep super earli yesterdae lyk ard 1030pm n woke up late at 930am...but still tired:( so ended up slping again at 1130am to 1pm after reading a few pages of biz law text:) haha...went for lect n cm bk to continue the chap...so routine....urghhh!

haha...finally finished the first dance n we were polishing the dance movements...cnt imagine dancing in the gowns n the 2++ high inches heels!!!me so clumsy!urghh!!!!

am not satisfied w my performance:( dun seem to rem where the leg is suppose to be:( sighh...todae my partner charmaine isnt here so hafta dance w 'the air'....im stressed to do betta...my dance!i mean our song!mus be more bitchy!daring!!!the stage belongs to me!!!no one cn act rosie but me!!!!these r the stuff which i needa tell myself constantly...i mus do it n i can do it!!!!

thot wll have a lg wkend to pia my tut but mus cm bk for rehearsals on sun...sighhh...I MUS DO MY BEST N NO MISTAKES on sun!

act. me n daph wanted to go run nw!!!i mean nw!!!but tired so its gonna b tmr morn instead:)
yesh!!!!good good!!!to lose wt fats watever!!!i jus needa lose em all so dat i cn fit nicely into the gowns which i tried yesterdae!!!chose 2 silver gowns:one is a tube kinda gn e other is a super high collared one...nt bad i tink!
haha...therefore to look betta mus lose wt!haha...signed up for aerobics classes!gd!with daph!
haha...act. instead of the tube i wanted a corset look alike one....so pretty...haha...but pple using it for rom...so cnt:( a little disappointed but nv mind lah...haha

the best thing was!!!!!we saw thomas ong!!!!yes!!!thomas ong...wang tian cai...the mediacorp wang tian cai!!!i act. tok to him!!!!cnt believe it!we were in his shp(we believed to b co-owned) den he suddenly....we jus froze!!!really froze!!!haha

so shuai!!!!gosh!!!act. i saw him upfront at the scent shp...that time i toked to him oso!!!haha...i remed he asked if ive lavender oil...haha...oh my god!he simply so friendly!no air!!!but one thing he smokes...n i HATE people who smokes!jus dun smoke in front of me!!!!sighh...in uni lotsa pple smoke...wads up w em i oso dunno....

kkie...let me consolidate my thots bfore i ko.....1) needa finish tut n readings 2) needa realli diet n lose wt--- veg+fruits+milk+cheese+prunes+little carbo...3) exercise!aerobics...run...swim...

too busy to tink of it act. but deres no progress watsoever...seems to take note of my feelings,nics n stuff...can sense sth-get me attention...watever...no time+study+results....

this sem's aim!!!!

AAAB!!!!!!JOLEEN HENG!!!!! U CAN N U MUST DO IT!!!!!!!ALL THE WAY!!!!!!

tAlKed To tHomAs OnG!!!!!

iN sCHool

in hall nw...had biz law lect....gg for sp's rehearsal n dance...gonna slp real late tonitex...sighh...:(

read tingx n von's blog....

super sleepy...yawnx...

will update when haf new stuff....

oh yah...i rejected an invitation to his comm ball....act. i feel lyk gg but its him...i dun wan...i jus dun feel lyk...nw he msged to me n asked bt sun's...i realli dun wan to lead him on...haven reply...hw?but ive gt tuition...n hall's stuff...hw?

m i being mean???

no...i dun tink so....or at least i tink im nt?

iTs 3rD jAn!!!

i shall make this entry short n sweet!

sighh..have a strg feeling that im really falling ill again!since when my immunity has declined so drastically??its bad...its really bad as the year has jus started!sleep deprived n as usual bothered by diet n stuff...tink ive sm health n eating prob....sighh...but i jus cldnt help it...

todae went out with shanx n tingx but bfore that had two tuition...nearly died!hw siannx!!!for the past few daes or shld i sae since fri ive been out to celeb darius' bdae w lin von zhenhao...sat met up w 02s44 gals n we chatted till 11pm at the checkers cafe...todae w tingx n shanx at thai xpress..the fish tom yum soup was superb!but i felt xtremely bad as shanx din lyk the mango salad...btw ive been eating salad whereever i go!
haha..but dun mind im used to it n me guess my frans too!
haha...next time i shant make/decide were to dine coz we always end up gg to places where i feel is not bad but they wnt enjoy it...n im always feeling xtremely guilty afterdat!
:(

tmr is the start of another term...n the worst thing is that the first dae or i shld sae the first nitex im alreadi super packed...lect ends at 630pm...8pm rehearsal followed by dance at 10pm...wow...guess im gonna slp at 2am again....

the next daes ge is shiong...

fitting on wed!todaes n tmrs meals will b xtremely simple!do i haf a choice? no i dont...act. smtimes im wondering if im enjoying my life? depends act. i realli dunno...i may seem always cheerful n stuf lyk dat...but......

kkie...in the sleepy mood n gg to zzzzin front of the comp!!!haha...to all those reading this entry!happy new year n may all ya
wishes come true n of coz my too!!!!!

haha!