am i the BITCH or YOU?

urghh!!!cant stand it!!it jus simply doesnt pay to be nice!

so wad shes more senior?hey c'mon lorhs..im keeping my cool jus cox ur age..n i agree that u gtta write my pa report..if not for this..hellos!!get this clear: i want nothing to do w u mans!!jus 4 more weeks n im off! haf experience?haf $?haf IQ?so wad?U HAF GT NO EQ!dunno wads call EQ yeah?oh pls!!get a life! uve gtta gt this clear!i din step on ur toes!n dunt u noe hw to jus sae a simple thanks?i shant waste my energy on u..i shall tolerate w ur nonsense!go away lahs!!!urghh!!

last sat was rather cool!went to fionas 21st party..quite disappointing to see only the few of us..nonetheless overall it was alritex..haha..jon is still the same!come on dude stop being so cheeky yeah?ur ger will get jealous sia!haha..nick is as pretty,kevin as blur n zhao as stoned!haha..ivan as quiet,shaun as funny..gt suan by me!haha..its was great to see my jc pals!fiona the bdae ger was beautiful!her party was super unique lahs..till now ive yt to see someones party w 2 balloony men, an entertainer n a photographer!n toking bt the photographer!we were assaulted badly..be it we were eating ot toking or jus trying to stone he wld be dere n click his camo away!urghh..n me was so unlucky to be picked to play a super RA game lahs..so paiseh..but poor nick he gt a worser role!haha..oopss.in the end though we lost but still gt prize!haha..gt a manicure set n a makeup set!wah nw ive all the makeup!!haha

toking bt makeup..i feel awful when i dun doll up myself..die!jus feel dat me lyk sickly w/o colours on me..weird..

next bdae on the list?haha..tink shld be mine bahs..thats acc. to shanx tingx n charms..this thurs gg to my fav. jappie restaurant at marina sq-waraku for dinner!haha..yeah!!n thurs is my sis bdae too!haha..celeb my belated bdae on my sis actual bdae!haha..funny yeah?next will be our beloved tingting's!me n shans have volunteered to help alr!!haha..wad shld i wear?my mini skirt?haha..oh ya let us stay over lehs ger?haha..shanx dun forgt our cartel's breakfast!haha..

this weekend feels abit empty..yah cox deres no nid to rush for competition anymore..nt depressed cox ive gt the chances to perform for the public..n i mean really the public..nt jus the hall pple n frans..its the shopping crowd the passers-by..im pleased to haf caught ur attention..thanks eveyone for listening to us?though din gt into finals but we r alr satisfied w e semis cox its the first competition..i live w no regrets..all alg ive yearn to perform n i thot ive made used of the short 8 mins i haf on those 2 chances!the attention, the quietness, the cheers, the applause, the comments..i thank u pple for all! though its the end for this competition its actually the firststep into the future..i treasure those moments..the moments which i can proudly tell my kids in the future dat hey!mummy gt into semis in a competition bfore!i luf wad im doing..n i believe even if i cant go far ..its something which i enjoy n pursue..believing is powerful..ive done wad others may not even dare to do..ive conquered myself, the stagefright n i yearn for more of those moments again..however, i gtta wrk harder..dat means kbox more often!haha..

was toking to clarence ytd bt guys being so amusing..yah i shld jus ignore n ellos boy..hw to find a bf fast?haha..its fate lehs..haha..
dun quite able to comprehend guys..ytd was weird..my sis was saeing that it was so obvious that he was trying to be over friendly..haha..oh mans..n friendster is another one!a model n a mixed blood..haha..interesting sia..but..im wary!apprehensive..haha..thanks yah..but no thanks!

went shppinh n gt myself an op skirt!heehee..yeah new skirt but ive alr worn it!!more to come!haha..a new top!so happy so happy..peachy PINK!!damn bright lahs..aahha..mkes my dae yeah?n my espirit slipper!woohoo!haha..i nid cash to shop!!
wah!!GSS!GSS!i like!!!MUACKS!!haha

so fast..yet so slow?

tmr's thurs again!!n its gg to be weekends again!!!haha..
this weekend will be the last for one of my tutees, so dat means me will haf 1 left for the 1 mth hols!at least gt more time for myself!!yeah!time flies yah..im gg to be into the 4th week into my PA n 4 more to the end!!!haha.next will be taiwan n camps!

suppose to haf dinner with kh, mel n xinwei today but gt cancelled last min..haha..haf been gg out..watched da vinci code w shanx n tings ytd..tink its nt dat bad lahs..gt frightened by a few scenes when silas appeared out of nowhere!haha..scardy cat huh?haha..ps was packed!din really enjoyed the popcorn though:( next up will be pirates of carribean!!i wanna watch!!

din haf much time to practise for sun n i guess mes gifing myself too much stress yeah?the sg dun feel ritex mb im tinking too much..hmm..jus be natural n i guess e best is to wrk on my breathing..hmm..hope everything goes well n fight on to the end!!thats my ultimate goal for myself!to be determined n its a challenge for myself n a test of where i can go..setting more tests for myself..yah more!

tmr n fri are gg to slack!no nid to go office but jus attend ey's semiar on GST at raffles city's swissotel!haha..yeah!good good!

next week's thurs n fri are occupied too. thurs: my belated bdae celebration at my favourite WARAKU RESTAURANT at marina sq!den fri. mtg with weinee to celeb her bdae!haha..still tinking of where we shld go..:)

ytd was toking to a nbs fran n nw a fellow PA fran in EY..hes weird lah..kept laughing at the fact that i wasnt attached before!dun be so mean lehs..dun ask y i aint at all..those jus aint the right feelings..dats all i can sae..or mb dey r jus normal frans..nothing more than 'just' frans..really..okie..lyk wad jiaqi said: high expectation/s..yahyah..i agree n ya do stop harpping on this topic alr k?so malu when we were in the train n he was toking bt it in his deep low voice!haha..but im proud of my single status!!serious!!so carefree!!haha

okok..tmr gg to meet up with council frans!cya peeps..!settlers cafe!!yay!!no place..wah..cfm gg broke yeah?haha

im happy..

im glad dat my tutees did realtively well for their exams..phew!at least all werent in vain!haha..

the next week is gonna be exciting!so many events n mtgs n activities going on. sun is gg to be crucial..im praying hard..i musnt let mummy down!i musnt le myself down either!its our dream..if luck aint gg to be on our side..ive gt to face it..but we will try yea?meimei, we will try yeah?:)

tmr gtta wrk again!but only for 3 days!yeah!!!!so happy..

mb thru channelling my energy away..its this satisfaction which im gettin..im busy but i dun mind cox mes pursuing smthg which i luf..its a passion which aint gg to die dwn so soon..not so soon!

alrites 1145pm n its really time to concuss!wrk tmr:( sians but nvm! the week will pass soon n im excited over it!yes!i am!!really:)

the 2nd step and its not ending!

we've conquered the 2nd step today and it's jus not going to simply end here!it's our dream..a common hope..n we've both worked hard for my this..its indeed a splendid feeling to be able to get into the semis!wanna thank yanshan,yiting,my sister's pals for being there to support us!!thanks babes and jethro?the dude?haha..despite the heat and the hrs u pals stayed for the release of the result!appreciate u guys!realli!!
me n tings took pic with e special guest-sugi frm jue dui SUPERSTAR!haha..shan was so paiseh to tk w him yeah?in the end shans becm our photographer..sugi is quite friendly..i dare not look at him closeup..so paiseh..haha..but hes nt bad lahs shans..jus dat he had makeup on..for a guy its weird..but hes an artiste!hes so funny stood a little dist frm me in the photo..haha..extremely eager to see the pic tings!!send ME!!thanks dearie!!haha

next rd will be dis sat..n its time again to decide on the next song..haha..n this is always the toughest for us!firstly, limited VCD, next gtta get a sg that suits both of us..haha..its RD 3!

saying im nonchalant bt it will be deceiving myself..we took the first step and now we r in to our 3rd step!its an experience!i guess i jus luf attention..the stage..luf to see the expressions..im HAPPY:) we r wrking hard and hopefully 3rd june will be the big day for me n sis! guess this will be the most memorable gife for my sis as her bdae falls on june 1st!haha..meimei we mus wrk hard okie? believing is a powerful tool!n ive chosen to channel this belief into wad we r enjoying today..it may not be great..it may be seen as tiny as compared..but im banking on our youth..our interest..the opportunities! theres one more!!shld we go?i m considering..

jus when everyone is planning for the 'NEAR' future be it studying or working..im dreaming..im in my lala land..in my disneyland..in my dreamland!yah..it has never ceased!im in my foreign land..

next week is gg to be super xciting!mon work..tues will be mtg shans n tings for da vinci..wed lunch treat frm my directors..thurs n fri attending GST convention at raffles city instead of wrking in office!haha..sat is gonna b the bestest!morn tuition,after competition, nitex fionas bdae party!haha..gg to go there all dolled up..oopps!no choice!n sun its back to tuition again!

jus when i wanna share my joy n excitment with u, u aint in the mood..afraid to msg ya n bothering ya as well..u haf ur problems too..really hope u will see ur light soon..dun ever think of slping forever..we r still young!we cnt..love may ultimately nt be the only thing we live for..we haf our family too..dey cnt be overlooked..weve gt to realise this yeah?

dunnoe y ya haf such conflicting thots..so weird gtting confused by wad ive been reading..u r lucky to haf ya family n ur gal with u..god will be w u n u will cm to realise it really soon..

its slping time!!!haha

jus so touched!

I AM SERIOUSLY SO SO TOUCHED!!haha

I AM SIMPLY SO ELATED!!:)

ytd me was super pissed n my mood was so so low..it was because me had many missed calls while i was having my internship training!urghh..both from hall office which demanded me to settle my hall application bill by ytd n another events company!freaky!jus simply wanted to switched off the stupid phone lahs!!!irritated..

i din of cox..jus wanna complain..

was so bothered that me cun go bk to sch to settle the bill cox of attachment n by the time mes bk in sch its alr lyk 8pm!whu will be ard?msged almost those peeps whom i could seek help frm..excluding those on pa as me..haha..those whu always helped me thru r on pa as well..so cant..sheesh..was so desperate alr dat me even msged my sis to help!haha..at the back of my mind i knew she cant but jus wanna try my luck..in the end thot of my cult sec!haha..hes lyk forever in hall..sighh..no luck either..whu the hell will be in hall during the hols!nontheless he was kind enuf to ask me to try gtting the engine guys n he told me darrens tking a module!!n i did seek help frm darren!was jus trying my luck since i was super despo alr!i was really so relieved that he actually agreed to help!!haha..was i plain lucky or wad!i cnt imagine!!shld had msged jianming earlier dey!haha..

i was halfhearted n nearly wanted to call hall office to jus cancel my application if me really cant find someone whus able to lend me a hand..really i dun mind jus withdrawing n of cos me do noe the consequences which i will have to bear.yah im aware!its not so easy to jus help me pay the bill at the office but to gt em to print the letter, go to the students affair center which is relatively far n den gtting a sticker n back to hall office again!so tedious!if im not on the way me will not be willing to help too!dats y im really surprised dat darren actually din mind!yah..i hope he did haf lesson in sch today n he did haf his car with him or else ill feel really bad about it n SAO is how far if one is to walk frm hall to that place!!inaccessible!no matter wad!i really really really really * infinity wanna thank him!!!

THANK YOU DARREN!!!haha

finally one 'trouble' is settled..now handling two things at one go..ones work and the other me shant say..jus hoping for the best:) mel u cant sae okie?heehee..

ive mentioned this bfore i guessed..im easily impressed n this time rd its not only so but utterly shocked..haha..cant believe that theres still nice pple ard at least helpful pple!!wow!!!haha..kkie shall stop blabbering bt this alr since its settled alr!!haha

todays first day at gst department.. the perm staff r friendly..guess its jus a start..apprehesive of how it will really be lyk..seriously speaking mes not really liking wad im doing!im not..not liking the clothes ive to be in considering wad i usually wear..not enjoying the kinda work im involved in..ive yet to really touch on the actual stuff shall me shall make some reservations bfore me will comment any further!

mes falling alsp n its only 938pm!shall wake up early tmr to read thru wad i haf for wrk..braindead now:(

(heh!din really noe wad actually happened to you recently..so sorry that mes gtta be on pa n cnt help ya much..if ya really nid a listening ear mes ard yea?though me may be ignorant of alot of things tink i can still manage..rem? smiley is always ard n she wanna see u smile n not be upset:)

first day at keppel tower cont'd

lemme carry on with my entry which i had left off this morning..

i cun bring myself to slp on wed night. it was a surprise as weve hafen msned for so long for at least a few mths..mths?i guess so..i was happy.the warmth is back..its so nice to haf a brother who asks bt u, whu cares for ur future..whus dere to listen to ur problems..shld i sae im partly blessed?i dunno..im not letting myself fall into dat again, not allowing myself to be inflicted again..i cant. yah hes my brother.appreciating those concerns.no i dun wish that we will be in the same company in the yrs to come, im so sorry to haf to sae this.in fact i cant bring myself to sae this to u..im sorry.so self defence i tink this is the best for me.ive learnt to be self-fish..its not innate in me but ive gt no choice..HURT is the last wrd im willing to accept in my vocab. ive turned colder twds a lot of things, a number of pple. this seriously is wad i hate to do.theres no way i can turn back the clock n stop these frm happening. i cant. noeing that u care is enough for now.(do u really care?) even if ya dun, ya arent to be blamed. u haf no responsibility to do so, y mus u? i do rem wad ya said, the outings etc. i thank u for these memories, sweet den but turned bitter now they are jus buried deeply but nv deep enuff to be forgtten.hated u den, mb this 'hatred' had evolved to 'numbness' yah im indifferent alr..almost so pls dun confuse me anymore n i cant be shaken. at the bottom of my heart, i wish u well..denying one may sae but ive come thus far, ive to be in denial, this is it. its heartache even till now..its embarrassing that ive to admit n i detest myself for this.

life has to go on..my life revolves rd wrk n gifing tuition.i dun mind not gg out.i dun mind hafing no life.i yearn to stay at home. sleep my hours away..relaxing via watching tv flipping thru papers, even gt nagged at by my mum..yah i seriously dun mind animore. i guess vonnie has described pretty accurately bt the crisis which was reflected in her blog.used to love to meet up with pals used to love org mtgs. nowadays im waiting for peeps to date me instead..no initiatives no energy to plan for meet ups. some times waiting for confirmations which nv came. im too lazy either to msg n confirm with em. i tried spending a day waiting for the gathering but it nv cm even on the day itself. a few days ago, was waiting for another confirmation but in the end me still msged to confirm. mb if ive known the mtg aint gg to tk place i could ve arranged another mtg. i din n spent my vesak day slping n slacking instead. yet again, im alritex wif this. shld i sae im jus plainly lazy? or haf i gtten tired of everything? mb im lacking e courage to do so for reasons which i shant mention n im still considering my last resort. cost is an issue n i jus cnt refrain myself frm wanting to try them. i wun noe if it will be effective till i tried it. i wun noe.

so much had been said, that much i had done, nothing more i could do, wishing its not the end

dreading the cming weeks of work:(

first day at keppel tower

yesterday was the first day we tax interns were at keppel tower located near tg pagar MRT..in order to create a 'good' impression me wore my long sleeves as usual but ended up perspiring like mad when i finally reached the train station!DAMN!!urghh!wad made me worse was that the train was so so packed that there wasnt aeven an inch for me to step into the carriage!(kah hon, me noe wad u will be thinking!!yahyah..haha)that caused me to be late n all of us had to speed walk lyk mad to keppel!

ey's office at keppel twr is much pleasant lking or shld i sae furnished compared to the ocean's bldg..overall not too bad..n we gt treated to lunch at one of the restaurants at craig rd by the partner!wah we din gt this treatment when we were at the audit department..but afterdat, the 'bomb'came..tax computation..sigh..wondering hw different GST works..i chose GsT over corporate TAx cox me wanna try new things since ive done personal income tax at IRAs, studied corp tax so me always yearning to be different chose GST instead. there r only me n another SMU guy in GSt..at least i aint alone yah?haha..shall see how when mon starts..mon will be another day of trging den its really dwn to work..in the meantime me shall enjoy this lg week end n do my tax computation!haha..

ytd wanted to go kbox w sis n her frans in the end it turned out to be so ex cox its public hols day eve!wah the...in the end went to watch poisedon!!haha..the shw started at 720pm n we decided to watch n bought tixs at 730pm by the time we went in after collecting my popcorn we were alr late n the shw started..haha..but luck was on our side!haha..minutes into the shw sth cropped up n they restarted the shw frm the beginning!!haha..if we werent lucky den wads this called?haha..it was sth lyk perfect storm n i wanted to resurrect that moments when i watched it henceafter reading the reviews n the movie followups in the papers decided that me mus watch POISEDON!haha..next will be da vinco code!i wanna go to the lidos theatre!!i lyk the popcorn there betta!!haha

okie..running late..shall continue with dis post again

THANK YOU WEILIN

hey weilin!!this entry is FOR YOU!!!

thanks alot for inviting us to ya house dear!!though me was late but it was so sweet of u guys to save food for me:) haha..simply touched yea? n DEY were DELICIOUS babe!!!thanks alot!!

n the entertainment!!!the settlers' board game!!cool!its been a lg lg time since me had sat down to play board games!!haha..hmm..truthfully me was watching more den playing..anyhow!i was sure dat we all enjoyed ourselves jus now didnt we?im so happy to haf met up with u all today!!really!looking forwrd to more gatherings yea?

tinking of gg to the korean rest linnie brought us de other time..the korean rest at chinatown!!we mus go again k?bfore u leave k?yummy korean dishes!!!

tmrs first day of PA..SIAN!i wanna play still!haha

oh yah..thanks clarence for accompanying me to TM jus now..thanks alot!

toking to vonnie on MSN..haha..getting elated over a gal's topic!haha..tink it cld be a little more exaggerated if we were to tok face to face yeah?haha.

hope to cya u all soon!

heys deres a new rest at marina sq..sm level as zara n mango!i wanna try!haha.. n dere r gg to be 2 nice movies to be screened real soon--poseidon n da vinci code!i wanna watch!!!whus free?haha

THANK YOU WEILIN

no more PA shopping PLEASe!

oH NO!it slipped my mind dat im supposed to got pantyhose(stockings)today as well!!aLAs!!wanted to proclaim dat im finally done with the PA shopping but den!!S***!!urghh..cant stand shopping for clothes which i dun like to wear, cant stand gg into those formal wear shops!ill rather spend my $ on my denim skirts!my pretty slippers r jus keep em in the bank!!jus dun lyk to wear lg sleeves..knee length skirts, carry leather bag n painful heels!put on makeup dat makes me look so so fake!!sighh..cant stop complaining how??urghh...

bought myself an off-white handbag for PA jus now..me mel joey alvin n delvin went to town this afternn to shop for PA stuff!at least the guys bought stuff frm G2000 n me n joey gt our bags n joey her clothes!mel? din managed to gt her shirt cox its way to big!was so tired after that..haha..hmm..mb its only me..dey still can go catch a movie whilst mel went for foc main comm dinner!me? a piece of dead meat!!wanna fall asleep alr!im so glad im at home now..concussing soon!timecheck: 1041pm:)

yesterday went KBOX at marina Square..dunno y jus feeling super excited though ive been with them for at least 4 to 5 times?so weird!haha..n yah!i jus realised dat yj n felix r always so punctual..the other times when we were gg from sch dey were also early or at least on time!made me so paiseh!yahyah..as usual i was late!oopps!!ytd was no exception! was at bugis bfore dat n thot i was rather early..hmm..to state the truth..was bt 3 mins off 6pm:P haha..(a bit late only wads)was at cityhall's ctrl n scanned through the crowd..thot dey werent there yet but whu noes dey were standing at the escalators!!!AHHH!!so im the last again!!sighh...ive never seen guys so punctual before!!really never!!so so on time dat im so embarrassed for being late 100% of the time which we've arranged to meet!tink its cox my other guy frans r mostly late n weve to end up waiting for them..so eventually ive grown to assume that all will be late..hmm..ill try my very best n be ON TIME the next round we meet yeah? today also!!mel alvin n delvin were so early..ill definitely make an effort to be on time next time i meet my NTU pals!!stress sia:P haha...

hmm..ytd's KTV was only 3 hrs..haha..mb its bcox of the late timing that i nearly fall aslp twds the end of the session..n it was only 9+pm! yawns..but i did enjoy myself though..din sing much i guess! n next thurs night mes gg wif my sis!!its ladies night so no nid to pay cover charge!yeah..so its wrk den KTV!wah!!n im FEELING GOOD cox one of my freshies gt a PArtyWorld Voucher!free for 4hrs n 10bucks off or sth lidaT!!wow!!!haha..thanks KEVIN!!haha..he said he wun need em n gifing to me!haha..free KTV AT PARTYWRLD!!for a KTV freak lyk me..its jus like WWWWAAAAAHHHH!!!!*beaming with joy*!!:) will organise a session with em again!!mb after our PA bahs or one of the holidays!:)

i dunno if i shuld blog this..mb ive given too many peeps this link that ive realised that dere r stuff which i cant really blog them down..hahs..n dere mb peeps whom i dun noe but r reading all these..nvm..blogging is nv a private thing!CFM!!

2 more days to PA n im gg to spend them by gifing TUITION!haha..yah no choice..its exam period for them so yah..

its really not the end..

im unsure of how i should be feeling now!

tink im elated?or shld i be feeling ultra blessed? tink i was lucky..nearly lose this chance:p nearly failed..but now phew!we will definitely work hard ritex? meimei we mus jiayou!

tmr will be spent either blading at 8am or ktv at 11am! n no matter wad!tmrs gg kbox with felix yongjie n winnie at suntec at 7pm!!sighh..its at night again...gtta compromise:( ill take a cab home after dat..i can imagine myself holding back my fear in the cab taking the lift n into my house..im warned not to be bk late at night..n jus cox i realli wanna go ktv with them that im placing this bet on myself..this is the last..no more! im wondering if i can keep this promise..dunno if deres ctc gathering tmr afternn..

yeah its ktv tmr!!!!!!!!!!!!cant wait to meet them at 6pm!!!!!woohoo!!!!

jewel in the palace

planned to devote part of this entry to 'jewel in the palace'!
ive jus finished most of the episodes..cox still missed by a few..gtta finish em tmr afternn since mes gg to slack at home!!:):)

toking bt jewel...her spirit is definitely so admirable!dere r parts where its filled with sorrow, some with happiness, some with hatred, some filled with sweetness::) changjin's determination, perserverence, innocence, her willingless to sacrifice her life etc really set me thinking! compared to her im nothing!she lyk my idol!tink its a veri successful serial..it made me wanna weep with her, feel with her, hate with her, share her happiness with her..wow!emotional?yah tink maybe:P i lyk the ending..i lyk the ending cox changjin ended up marrying the guy she loves, one whu stood by her whenever she needed someone, someone whu truly understds want she needs, someone whu truly loves her, someone whus willing to sacrifice his top official post jus to start afresh with her..how sweet!

sometimes i do dream..dream of the special someone:P haha..toking bt dreams..was reading darius' blog bt dreams!hey darius, sometimes dreaming is good sia..but dun dream too much yeah?mus gt enuff rest!haha..
(oh no!feel lyk rewatching jewel again!haha)

yeah felix jioing ktv again!hopefully its gg to be this week!thurs?fri?
thurs morn gonna blade!dats if she recovers frm her flu!poor gal fell sick before her last paper which is tmr..sighh..my youngest sis oso..so unfortunate..me musnt fall ill ahs..gtta go slog 24/7 for the next 8 weeks!for PA for $ for my future..it can be considered my stepping stone for now..of cox me hope i can gt sth better!sth which i enjoy doing..sth which is closer to my dream..

im a dreamer..im too imaginative..sometimes its a disadvantage..it can be impractical..but everyone has his dreams..its a fairytale its when u wun gt hurt..its beautiful..even if its a bad one its temporary its fictitious..fallin into lala land..

he asked hws me n him..ive nv thot bt this qns for a lg time..suddenly i dunno hw to ans..yeah..hes busy i guess..hes so far yet those memories simply jus surfaced again..i din wan to..im sorry..its hard to thoroughly forget..im halfway dere..i wun forget..i choose to treasure wad i had..yah to treasure..sighh..i tink its part n parcel of growing up:P no choice lifes hard..im not as fortunate as changjin i guess..n in reality that kinda man wun appear..cfm dun haf!!haha