sleep deprived

im sleep deprived n its not going to get better any sooner!

had a 1.5 days of gl camp for hall and im real shag!slept for 4hrs on the first nitex after learning mass dance and monster hunt route!aiyo!walked till i wanna die!

its stressful to be gl with darren esp. for the mass dance!i just cant make it!hafing dance phobia...urghh!

it was quite fun n i did have a laughing good time as they are all veri fun people!i mus really get enuff rest and be more onz!and i tink ive get to just be myself esp. pairing up with darren as gl for the camp!relax...relax...

today got tricked to go to school to make the identity for freshies!in the end they were nearly done and i did my own one!but we learnt and refreshed some of the games and cheers den went for dinner with danny, edmund and alvin at jp's bentobox..den went toysarus after dat...e guys immediately became kids!haha

was gossiping about pple over dinner and luckily they helped me finish half of the pizza...phew!
was surprised that the guys were quite 'against' how he acts..and act. they can bear w him coz we r in the same og..sighh...guess he has tough luck..
im surprised to know that zhiyu act. wasnt very happy that im close to him..dear ah..i din noe bt it!u can tell me u noe!its okie dear!i wun b angry!!

my heart is dead dear!i wun mind..im dead..im nt despo..im nt yearniing for anithing!im jus me!joleen:)

wenT oUt aGAin

todae met up w shanx again at orchard to shop and i bought an atomic top frm 77th street!haha..my fav colour!PINK!!!shanx bought a pink jacket frm osmose!at least both of us gt sth!yeah!saw a veri pretty sequined sling bag but tink shud be quite ex!hmm...may gt it when i gt my pay...hope will be sn!

yah..ytd we went out for dinner aft. a mth..wasnt expecting this meeting act. quite last min planned...as usual:P went to the cartel at cine..ordered spagetti w bacon n cheese n mushrm but din finish at all..ate a few mouthful of the spagetti onli n the mushrm n ham..dieting dear!camps cming!mus look gd!he has a small appetite n din lyk cheese..i forgot bt it if nt i wud have ordered sth non cheesy so he cn help me finish too...:)

wanted to watch 'alot like love'/'in my father's den'/'even gave in to 'batman begins' but we were unable to gt tixs in cine n shaw!haha..fate?tink its fri nitex!haha..in the end we gt smoothies frm orange julius and he paid for me strawberry and orange smoothie while he had tropical one..tink its superb and i haf e craving for it nw!aiyo!sat at the seats outside the place n toked/slack..

hes so cute..haha..asked wat kind of guys i lyk...who at the moment is the closest to me ideal bf...wad kinda question?hw to answer?me jus crapped out a name lah..he sounded a bit odd when i anihw sae its him..

he actually assured n affirmed me dat hes nt a flirt n nt a beng..haha..
i noe i noe..dun worri..but i wun tell u that i believe u n noe dat u r not!
sat dere, stoned..till ard 9 odd..den he drove me hm as per normal..

he may go on an exchange in smu n GIP in US for yr 2..for a moment i tink i will miss him..yah..im admitting but yet again tink its better!Y NT RITEX?

had nbs seniors' camp frm last mon to wed..luckily our fright night wasnt a flop!hengs!n i was rather satisfied n pleased to meet n made new pals!other chief programmers n other programmers!haha..spotted a few eye candies oso!haha...(desperate self again!)haha...
hope dat the actual camp frm the 4th to 8th will better!yeah!

ive plans till 9th july!basically..hall's gl cmp frm next mon to wed..wed nitex meet huishan..thurs gg blading n kbox w sis..fri to sun hall's seniors' camp(gonna skip a bit on sat to act as freshie for nbs pre camp!) den mon to fri will be nbs actual camp..sat will be ctc's gathering!sun will be tuition!wow!happening ritex?!
he said i shud be called a busy princess!haha!yupps!notice me nick?
mb still cant gt over ***..

yah!cant wait for next thurs to go blade n ktv with sis!gg to haf a 5hrs session at kbox!yippee!cant resist the ktv sensation!haha
btw!thanks darius jus read ur blog..n clarences...mes nt that gd lah!jus love to sing!haha..thanks for ur praise(i take it as a praise..haha)

tink it will b quite sm time for my next update:P

went for mango sale w huishan n bought another mango skirt!lyk the design!but its 36 bucks!nvm lah...i lyk the skirt but swear nt to gt skirts which r dis ex. next time:)

kkie!time to sleep nw!tmr tuition at 10am!yawnx...

camps cAmps...headache!

alas!the camps are finally here!

after 4 days of week i was lyk a piece of dead meat..drained!worse still got blisters all over my feet!so painful!urgghh..
it was not too bad a temp job afterall as i got to noe a few nice frans..its quite comfortable as our foyer one peeps were at least uite chatty and forthcoming!haha

celebrated charmx n tingx bdae at rice table..tink the food is not too bad but ive sorethroat after dat!

i lyk the korean food and the hong kong dessert which linnie introduced to us on wed!so nice!haha..next week we r gg for jap food!yippee!

ytd we the ct councillors-the usual 6 peeps went ktv at party world oriental..dun realli lyk the place act. but ok lar..was rather disgusted with the toilet act!
i was too tired to be really enjoying myself at ktv..coz of the wk lorh..yawnx..

cancelled tuition todae...tmrs gg to b a body detox dae!

went to vons hse to stay for the nitex w linnie!i just simply knocked out once i touched the floor!haha..

just read von's blog and i totally agree w what she saes!

its true that we shudnt keep smses!yah..will be tempted to read them thru n thru!yes!dey jus make us wonder.. relish the moments..the past experiences..the thoughts.
its no good..so deleting is good dear vonnie!

i simply deleted em..yah..em!both frm him...and...

was toking bt bi+les+gal..ytd w the rest of the temps..
and yesh!for the first time i thot...

sighh...no lar i shant carry on..ill leave it as a memory to keep to forgot..

tired..its sleeping time!

its GettINg oUt of HAnd

i jus cant pinpoint why im feeling so 'off' these few days!i hate these feeling and i dont seem to be able to control my current emotions..

all i can say is that my emotions are in a state likened to a roller coaster..or should i say i have split personalities?one moment hyper e other really feel lyk shit!yah a piece of shit!

today went out w my sister and she is currently feeling betta in terms of her gor..ok dats all im going to reveal bt her..

yah!im glad for her!at least she broke free frm the internal struggle..
as for me i dont know when i can do it?
trust me!when i say i AM trying not to think i really mean that!i tried and am still trying..
the more i try not to think about it the more i will..yah!i am finally admitting it..it has been imprinted in my mind!it has scarred me!a deep deep wound..so hard to heal..too tedious too impossible to recover..i hate this feeling!

thats the reason why i choose not to face it..its no use..i dont want to listen hw she managed to get away from him..in my case its not really applicable or should i say...i just dont know how to go bt doing it..

yesh!i will get jealous!i say i dont want to care but in fact i admit that i cant ignore n i am not as capable as what i thought i am..utimately ive yet to master..

yawnx!tml can wake up a bit ltr!then tuition and meeting shanx!

now im immersing myself in junjie's songs!love yi qian nian yi hou!mu nai yi!mastering landy's zu wo shen ri gua le and angela's yi shi de mei hao!

i wanna go ktv!

muacks!

relaxing...pissed?

slacked my day away today..act. not really coz i did go and give tuition!

den went jogging!tmrs swimming so i mus sleep soon!

thinking of next week its really packed..except for mon to wed and sun..den the following week will be camp alr:P

actually really looking forwrd but now im a bit apprehensive!haha..dunno why also:P

im tired i think!

i wanna go practise blading!

i love the sea!the calmness the quietness the serenity the sight the air the everything!

thanks weinee!!

yah..firstly i would like to thank weinee for accompanying my to ecp ytd!
arikato!
i went to practise blading and weinee cycled!haha..im faster and less falls..haha..but mus go and perfect it!

another 'thanks' is also for weinee!

weinee..im actually surprised that u mentioned the issue when we were resting at hte shelter..i wasnt at all prepared to talk abt this..really..
like what uve said..im jus restraining my feelings..its true!but i just dont know how else to handle it..

the only resort is to jus take things easy?or mb to jus ignore..

if another one cmes along?wad shud i do?to let go..to wait?to forsake?i dunno..jus dun ask me these questions!i am hafing a headache now!

i jus wanna enjoy my hols!

i wan a life!

leave me alone and i do nid a break!

shattering soul..(not again)

STM!!!!

just realised that i really do have short term memory(STM)oh no!wanted to have another title for today's entry but suddenly i just forgot!goodness me!

tmr im going to practise blading w weinee!great!haha..

ohh..i just remembered what i wanted to say..just when i thought i am going to slack my week away..i just managed to pack the days again!and this time round its all the way till next sat!of coz dere are some nitexs which are free for me to take a breather..

wed is suppose to meet up w charmainx but shes too busy w her camp!haha..but nmv mes gg to my aunties place to see my cousin's baby!haha

thurs will be tuition again..

next mon will b a morn swim and mb ktv with mingfeng zikai and co.

then it will be work frm tues to fri!sat is celebrate charmx n tingx birfthday!haha

sounds packed yeah!

kkie!betta gt gg..if nt...cant wake up tmr!

shagged..

yah this is the exact word which should be used to describe my current status now..SHAGGED!

ha been going out for the past 4 consecutive days!but only to 2 places!town and bugis!yawnsx think i can really master these 2 places real well!

im so tired that i cancelled my tuitions for today!yah so must makeup tml!shiong!this week haf to give 3 sessions den!aiyo!cant wait to gt my pay man!real broke!

this coming week is going to be a funfilled week i guess!

mon:swim and tuition
tue: blading w weinee
wed:job briefing..blading w charmaine
thurs:swim and tuition
fri:tuition and shp w sis
sat:tuition
sun:tuition

hes back ytd and he msged to tell me so ytd evening..
said he bought me stuff but wad for?
cun b bothered..

was at heerens and we saw kym ng and quan yifeng filming the love bites..e guy is nt suai at all..haha..no me biz though..

cnt wait for the k box session w ctc!and 18th to meet up w tingx charmx and shanx!haha...

LInnIE!!

welcome back weilin!!our dearest zuzu!my grand zuzu!haha

u got me and vonnie so excited to eat e chocolates and jellybeans!haha..and lin!we realli wan the popian fiesta!haha

kkie!better not bother ya w our food cravings!haha..but so glad that ya r back in singapore again!

okie let me start me blogging proper..

went blading with my sis and her friend on wed..wow!its been a while since i had fallen so so hard:(yah..fell directly on my butt..never have i felt so malu before!but i was too busy learning how to walk w the blades and trying to move faster that i could not be bothered with the stares ive gotten!aiyo!i was wearing a cap but i think it was USELESS!!

haha..had fun though..me and sis went cine to watch the korean show-my7 boyfriend is type b!so so funny!yah..we like the twist of the story line towards the end!its an entertaining show but not realli worth it to think of it...but its my sis birthday what...so nvm and we enjoyed it!

wanted to pierce earhole!!!hey vonnie!yahyah!not eye hole hor!this time 100% correct!haha...who knows my sis pangse me after i asked for the price!sighh..when will i ever get my earhole?i confirm will pierce before my 21st birthday!haha

den yesterday met up with weinee to sign up for a 4 days job at the expo from the14th to the 17th of july...the pay is only 5.5 for data entry but me want to work to pass time..act. its not really that hard for me..just go and swim and sleep and read books and bug friends to go out with me can alr!haha

after dat went out with huishan to shop at bugis..haha..she bought lotsa stuf but me no income and wanna save so only bought a pair of slippers for 5 bucks..okie lah..haha..shall save and give tuition then more shopping spree!tml gg w yanshan to twn again!and its gg to be my 2nd time in twn in a span of 4 days!aiyo!

today best! me von lin darius and zhenhao met!guess where?as usual our beloved von chose bugis and tadah!!its bugis for 2 consecutive dayS!!!wow!haha..due to budget constrains we settled in swensens..haven been there for some time..haha..den our dearest friend zhenhao was very nice to send us home!thanks zhenhao!

i just cant wait to go k box on the 17th!and the stayover at vonnie place!haha!gonna be fun!

now im trying to pack my days for next week..so far next mon will be to the pool in the morn den to parkway in the evening..tues will be giving tuition den wed gg for jb briefing and blading with charmainex!!lg timex nv meet her alr..act. nt very lg lah!den thurs swim in the morn..fri give tuition again..basically my evenings are free!sianx haha...but no bucks cnt go anywhere oso:(

haha..tmrs tuition day..haha..sun too!yawns!slpin nw:)

nitexnitex!

blaDing..cYclinG..iCe sKating?

before i start elaborating on the title..let me just complain about my stupid msn!urggh!!!it is still signing in nw!gross!

yah..about my nick..haha..i wanna learn these since im slacking and will be for two more weeks!haha..apart from giving tuition im trying to pack my days!haha

tmr is my sis birthday and great we are going to east coast park and im GOING TO LEARN BLADING!!!yes!finally i get to learn sth new!after that im going to learn cycling and ice skating!keep my fingers crossed that me cn master all of them!

sorrie linnie and vonnie dat me gtta change our meeting to fri instead of tml!i cant wait to meet u two babes!

watching miss universe nw and the contestants are jus simply gorgious!yah!babes..!

me jus read the email frm weejin our chief gl!
haha..he sounded so excited in his msg!haha..me hope i can tahan the camp after a three days sewniors' camp before that!wow!its going to be so shiong!

but all my camps will start on the 20th june so to those who wants to go out!please jio me before this date ok?hehe!!

im all geared to go to the pool all often den nt!yay!went todae!
going on thurs and fri again!den next mon thurs and fri?haha..

this week is going to be a calm week coz hes now in pattaya with mf and all..yah...
so no smses and he wnt b on msn too!haha..he will be back on sat but so what ill be packed till sunday..

got his smses on last sunday after our last east coast outing last tues..
yah..its another of those 'mei!!!im so bored!!!' msges..so u see what i mean?nvm if u don't:P

im trying very hard to get him out of my mind..really!maybe i jus cant?does it mean that we shldnt meet up..shldnt keep in contact so that i will succeed?does it mean i have really gotta do this?i dun wan to bear w this feeling for another year..realli!and its been a year for this gor-mei r'ship!i cant believe this!on the 19th july it will be the official date when we recog each other as bro and sis..of coz he will not remember and i aint surprised that hes ignorant bt this!c'mon lor..even he doesnt noe when is my birthday when its so close to his!haha

im relaxing and see how things go..

yesterday i went to the fd fest w my mum and i treated her to lerk thai..haha..wanted to treat her since a long time alr..

was surprised that my mum act. told me to grab any opportunities that come my way..guess u guys shld noe what shes referring too bah..was telling her that i dun gif a shit if im going to be attached or not..i dun care if i have a bf or even if he is gg aft her ***..i dun wanna care!its so so tiring..
mummy saes i shldnt haf this kinda silly thots of not getting a bf soon!

why not?thats what she used to say what?why is she changing her stand?i was used to hearing her say the benefits of being single..how wonderful and carefree one will be to be w/o a bf..advantages of not getting married..not hafing children..hw great and peaceful to be a 'bix-woman'......etc. etc.

now all has changed..shes no longer telling me these!she has been influencing me and asking me to be sharp eyed!how to pick a prospective bf, husband a son in law!
MUM!!!why this sudden change of tone?i cant understand!

suddenly i feel so lonely..even my mummy is trying to 'sell' me away!aiyo!
not only am i abandoned emotionally now even physically?what is going on!

im jus pondering too much?yah..i tink im gg nuts if i dun sort out my life before sch starts!

sometimes i jus wonder if time can freeze during my jc daes!the time when i didnt meet him..time when we werent g** and m**..time when i was younger..the time when i wasnt bothered..

sighh...

enuf!tmr is going to be an exciting day!

im gg to pierce eyehole w my sis!haha..finally gt a 'yes' frm me daddy!gave up persuading mummy go to daddy lor!haha..super exciting!

and yes its me myself again!a vainer gal at large! so sorrie pals! ive changed and im deteriorating for the worse...

joleen is no longer the past self the pk whom uve known..im sorrie:(