freed!

todays finally the day!
the lg-awaited day!!my last day in E&Y dis marked the end of my internship!yah..dat means im really left w 2 more exams n dats it!no more yah..

i hate mking decisions esp. when i aint prepared at all..i aintt prepared to accept the job offer..din expect the offer to join EY's GST department right after my pa or even on my last day!yah im shocked but elated cox i feel that its an indication of my performance during this period.ill consider really! told the director n my managers that if i were to choose EY ill cm bk to GST!yah..GST being so specialised will haf its pros in the next 10 yrs at least! 10 yrs seems long..mb not so for guys.as for me i feel that its 2 long..10 yrs ltr im 31..oh no!ill be so old..so old..i dun wanna tink bt it..tink its inevitable hafta start frm scratch!bear w the nonsense n yah ive learnt that we gotta haf 4Ps:patience, perserverance, passion and...haha..i forgt..yah passion?i aint sure to accept cox i cnt guarantee the passion i haf in GST..

gave out my namecard to the fellow interns..haha..gt lyk 200 lahs!so might as well gif them away!din expect that my seniors oso wanted and dats indeed great news so in the end gv the seniors, the assistant managers n my senior manager..yah my senior manager..ive gt his namecard and my mentors too!it was a really touching n costy feeling esp when they gathered tgt to wish me good luck..haha..business manager is really a bix manager..he cm over to join the seniors as well..thanks everyone!thanks!n im extremely glad that the case which i was involved had finally cm to a close!i cld see the delight frm my senior.she had wrked hard n thanked me a million times..seriously i tink i din really help much either..its wrk i guess and i did learn sth frm it..thanks for the experience i shld sae! n so i left EY..

next week activities r rather cfmed!yippi!
mon: KTV w ZHIYU!woohoo 2 to 7pm!
tue: swimming in the morning
wed: KTV w sis n shopping!
thurs: Swimming!
fri:tuition n gtta go bk to hall for mtg

the rest of the time shall be spent slacking watching tv, drafting n finalising my PA report!..so i realise im nt really dat packed oso..its alrights!cox mes gtta haf time to sleep n rest!back to the good old days..

well of cox,ive my challenge, a challenge for myself..a test of how far i can go..no matter wads the outcome, ive gtta try cox if i dun try ill nv haf the chance..yah ITS NEVER!!!!ive made a promise to myself n i shall fulfill it on my own!i can only do it on my own..a test of ability..
its here and its finally here..i aint exactly prepared but me shall mk use of the time now to prepare myself..

a quote which ive gtten frm the shw today: 'if one hessitates to sae wad he wanna express, there may not be a chance to do so in the future'

n this is mine:'if one hessitates and ponders over too much to do sth, the chance may jus slip away and nv be available again'

dunno why

i dunno why..really dunno y..
mb its a crush?
hes so nice..mb cox hes the business manager so hes sociable?
hes helpful..tink hes jus trying to shw sm concern?
yah..has good manners, good natured i guess, accomplished..jus one thing hes too old..haha..
lyk wad i always sae im easily impressed but dat will depend too
tmrs the last day and yah good!its jus a crush

today the whole team went to the BOD's room for a quick gathering they bot lotsa food some celebration for us interns? dunno hw cm haf oso..den jus toked to the directors n one of my directors jus turned a partner!wah!ill hafta wait for years to go that far..mb even not so far..sighh..

stood next to us..felt weird..awkward but managed to strike a conversation!
can tmr jus cm n be over?PLEASE!haha..hospitality?yah u noe?haha..thanks for everything yah?thanks for being so patient..thanks for the guidance..thanks!though i always complain but my mentor..wanna thank her too..shes a perfectionist mb dats y..tink she means no harm..my senior whus wrking so hard for survival..under lotsa pressure..i truly wish her well..my buddy?tink not as close to her as claren..jus gt married..haha..

as im typing this im pissed wif msn cox its signing out every other moment..urghh!

was watching my fav shw jus now..so sweet forever so sweet..i feel lyk stopping myself frm catching it..cox m afraid ill tear if i were to carry on.still rem when i watched meteor..wah..dats bad mans..when jerry saved her n gt beaten badly..tears jus welled up my eyes..tmrs episode will b good hope me will be hm on time!the prince will keep his promise which he had mad to his princess..yah he definitely will!

after pa its time to concentrate..concentrating on wad i lyk to do..focusing on my likes..fulfilling my unfulfilled want..spending time on myself, my frans, my family, my relatives
ignoring the hates, switching off n outcasting the donts..

im jus a simple me
these thots keep surfacing
clouding my vision
blocking my path..
moving on in my life seems tough
mb i aint as strong as wad ive thot/look
mb im jus vulnerable
mb im aint good at all
mb i lack security
mb im jus a nobody
a nobody whus name happens to be joleen heng

veri afraid dat ill lose my tk frans
veri fearful dat my closest pals will all go overseas
veri worried that i wun haf company
veri frightened dat i will be left alone
treasuring my franships
treasuring every moment
but i noe not everyone is willing to do so..
really not everyone
not everyone

melancholy

din actually wanna come online

its cox me wanna blog..cnt figure some stuff.blogging wun help much, at least its a way to offload wads in my mind

HYPOCRISY

its a wrld of hypocrisy. be it deliberate or not, i m not cut of to be living in this kinda wrld.
jus when i was bt to change my impression of her. she shwed her dark side again..its realli so sickening!yah..blame it all on me..'jus an intern' i guess..i dun give a damn man!
i cnt understd y its so difficult to jus smile n not ignore pple..even a simple wrd lyk 'hello' or 'bye' do not even cost anything!its free!cmon lahs..lyk wad ive mentioned..no EQ no PR skills den y call urself a manager?are we all living behind our own masks?i guess we all do..i dun deny cox i mus agree that i do some time as well. however, i swear dat its lyk less than 5% in my life.
making use of me to wrk when senior was busy..bother to check on me when u nid stuf urgently..trying to sd nice when u nid me..im jus trying to be respectful thus me BOTHERED to smile at u sae bye to u..u tink ill do dat if u werent e mentor? cmon!im not so thick-skin k? noeing roughly wad kinda person u r..me wun be bothered to exert that little negligible energy on u..alas!will this 5 days pass quickly pls!n dats not the end!me hafta wear this mask to gt my report done bfore im done with her!

REPENTANT?

im stressed?but y? cun be!cox no sch, no exams, jus wrk everyday..n im STRESSED?or m i jus simply tired?
its been so long since ive been real rude to my mum..she nagged at the nitty gritties..this time rd over some droplets of water which she accused ive flinged onto the floor!wad the!i cun stand it!i screamed back at her..i cun control!my threshold is usually high..jus let her nag n whether it goes in its another matter.dats one reason y hall is a better place. yet i will miss home.issit cox of her hafing menopuase?or issit me?hafing PMS?i dunno..i noe i was rude.i jus dun wanna sae sorry.being in a rather traditional family its not common to do so..i hate being accused n esp when i feel its jus so ridiculous!wads up w a few droplets of water?alas!its an outburst which wasnt deliberate i guess

melancholy

am i drifting into melancholy? hate to haf this feeling..reaching this stage in life really suxs!deciding my career choice?wondering wads up w everything..suddenly realising the urge that ive to contribute to my family to support my family so dat dad wun be the sole breadwinner.if i were to sae im stressed..my daddy is cfm worse xinfinity!yrs of hard wrk..ive seen him aged alot..i saw his grey hair dat dae..i feel bad. im always proud to let pple noe that im paying for my own hostel fees..my own stuff..i do draw little allowance frm my daddy's salary..dats y mes more or less financially independant.dats one thing but i aint good enuff. deres so much more that ive gtta do.mb this is y i cant wait to earn big bucks!i dunno hw?i hate wrking for pple..i hate the rigid org. structure..i hate it when ive to accept sth cox ive no choice or cox 'i dun mind cox im used to it' this is not wad i wan in life! this wrld is not perfect im aint perfect either..i cnt gt the best of both world.n i noe.

love

watched the channel u shw again..so sweet to haf someone trying hard to fulfill the promise which he had made when he was a kid.the ger acted well..i hate her for trying to break the 'prince' and 'princess' up..the scheming behind it and stuff. luckily the 'prince' is well aware of her ploy..having 2 guys to fight over u..wads the feeling? me tink it will realli be a tough decision to make esp when one is ur childhood prince n another ur childhood playmate whu has been secretly in love w u. tell me hw she shld choose?both r good lookers, one is damn rich n accomplised. e other acted as the support..quietly helping her, a violin genius. tell me hw the story shld end?
i tink she shld live happily ever after w her prince cox prince r meant for princess.yet me noe the other will be devastated..the other haf wasted his time on u..my fran once told me that the guy wun be tinking this way cox she lufs u n tink its worth it. i dunno hw true. if the princess aint gg to be w the prince den it wun be a perfect story alr..well i do expect the former to be the ending.
in life its not so simple i guess.since when will someone b so 'lucky' to haf 2 boys gg gaga over u? fighting over u?guess u wun be happy either.hafing to make a decision which will hurt the other party. mb u wun even wanna k a decision!
its a cliche story but ill still catch it.

my mood is down today.hopfully it will gt better tmr..gg to meet yanshan at 11 for mango sale..hafing a feeling dat its gg be a retail therapy again!haf been buying things every week..wasting money?yah maybe..its retail therapy..tmr still haf to gif tuition..haha..at least some inflow to compensate for my outflow.
shall slp now

timecheck:1059pm

love is not simply jus MCQ

my lappie is gifing me problems!hopefully me cn finiah this entry bfore any tricks occur again!sighh

'love is not simply jus MCQ'
'i will use my life to protect u forever'

these r the two phrases which ive picked up frm the channel u shw this evening..a taiwanese shw i guess..there were childhood frans n de guy promised the gal dat he will be her prince william forever..how sweet!

in real life nothing lyk this will happen..n i really MEAN NO ONE!dats y watching such dramas is jus so lame..for pple lyk me whu r so free yeah?so wad?i tink dey r so romantic..nvm im a dreamer..full of imagination..so u noe wads up w my nick?princess?yah its an imagination..noeing i cnt be a princess..never!

ill gt a makeover dis cming hall's dnd!yah dat means i mus scrimp n save for jus dat night..dat few hrs!but its all in the name of FUN!yah..a nice hairdo a cool mkup a beautiful dress and ill tk loads of photos!haha..feels lyk prom!its gonna feel so real since im in my fianl yr..uni no prom so dnd will be the substitute

my mum is so weird..was telling her that my senior manager is veri nice n she immediately asked if its a HE/SHE!OLD/YOUNG!haha..mummy..oh my!wad r u tinking bt?its a HE!hes in his early 30s n nice..n dats all!oh pls..mummy u n ur funny thots!its nt the first time shes asking hw yg or old..my mummy ahs..

i always feel blessed cox i believe im surrounded by many nice n helpful pple..definition of nice?i dunno..ive a high threshold for alot of things..or shld i sae ive a high tolerance level..if i sae i dun lyk u den most likely u r a gonner!dats it!i seldom hate a person..i dun..its better to haf another fran den an additional foe..im easily satislfied..easily pleased and contented ger mb dats y i feel rather depressed when me dun gt appreciated or sth. i dunno..i live by this motto: u gt treated the wae u treat others

was reading a fran's blog. such a co-incidence..the latest one was bt love as well..haha..he blogged bt gers behaving similarly as guys..esp when it cmes to luf..being sweet to their ex n their future steads..doing the sm n saing the sm sweet things to their past n future beaus..haha..i agree n me dun deny dat ive frans whu r lyk this..hes one i guess

as for me?me can haf frans whu r lyk this but this is their private life ive no rights to interfere n mes nt so nosey to want to be involved..its a personal preference to haf multi-bfs/gfs?sometimes i believe its jus fate..yah tricked n fooled by fate

i choose not to follow the crowd..i noe wad i want..my vision is clean..my mind is conscious..i noe wads right wads wrong..i noe wad cn work out n wad cant..i dun wanna waste time n waste others time..i dunno if these attitudes r correct but again i choose to live by these
guess its becox i hate to be led by the nose be it at wrk, in sch or wadsoever..being a leader for close to 7 yrs..i cnt help but wanna go against everything im uncomfortable with..of cox me noe my limits..
mb these had caused hurt to some..wad i can see is 'sorry'
lyk ive mentioned dun ask me y i noe..i jus tink its impossible n pls dun try to mk me hurt u deeper by repeating myself..im picky?ive stoned?im cold?wad ever u sae..

nv in love..only crashes..dunno wads this four letter wrd is about..guess its a candy in disguise..basing on hw u choose to chew this candy can turn into a caramel chocolate..it can result into a dark chocolate or even jus a white chocolate

my 'prince' will gt all my attention i guess..my care my concern..tink its bt gifing my best putting in my heart my soul..likened to my attitude in other arenas me noe my sturbborness, my determination may not gt me anywhere

waiting is the word for now..chances n opportunities

hating my sensual self

StoRies

everyone lives and when we live, we spin our own stories
stories which reflect happiness, pleasing, memorable moments that we yearn to keep
stories which involve anger
stories which are repetitive and
stories which are painful, which hurt..we wish we can forget

weaving my story daily..every single moment..every single second..
every step i take it's part of my story
every passed second equates to one second less in my life
one less entry in my life

thy story is inspirational
im touched
nv expect the ending which seems to be nv ending
living hell i guess
looking back is nice
looking back brings memories
looking back is sweet
looking back brings pain
it is this pain that mkes us wanna suffer
suffer quietly n wlllingly
this pain which we refuse to admit to regret

reality rules the past
wads past cant be relived
wads past cant be w us animore
wads done cnt be undone
living in wads done, living in memories wards off reality
however, reality still reigns

choosing to turn back against this past is difficult
its tedious
it seems impossible
wanna let the past go but the past doesnt wanna us go
does it mean when its gone..its really gone?
gone with the wind?

its a choice remember!
its a difficult choice

we r the scripwriters
we r our playwrights
we r one another story writers
most importantly, u r my novel writer

my novel writer who crafted the bulk of my story
my novel writer who impacted me the most
my novel writer who took me so far
my novel writer who formed my smiles, my cries, my hate, my love
my novel writer who becomes jus another normal companion
the novel writer who gradually fades away from being my novel writer
not wishing u to be part of my novel writer again
u hafta go craft someone's story..
u contribution to my story had ceased and shld ceased
i thank u sincerely for being a contributor
i thank u for those moments
i THANK YOU TRUly

if ya r reading fran, this entry is urs
gtta noe a little better
hafing a habit to worry for frans
hoping everyday is a new dae for all of us

my frans u hafta be happy
my frans rem, stories once written r hard to erase
every step we tk, every thing we do etches our story

my story, ur story, our story

appalled..but thank you!

i was taken aback ytd..not when he said dat he walked to SAO frm hall to help me pay the hostel application fees. i was embarrassed.tinking dat he had lesson dat dae..he din go in the end..not cox of paying of cox its cox he usually skip classes..mb dats y he gtta retake 3 modules again..heh! uve gt the potential!n uve gtta believe it!
i wanna thank you!realli!!din noe u din drive dat dae..im veri grateful!

ytd we went to this chinese restaurant n paid 20 bucks for a buffet style chinese dinner..haha..as usual..there were more guys(12) den gals..haha..the hall guys r definitely a closer buch of peeps!watch dem haf fun realli feels good..mb dat will be the reason y i will miss hall life..it was great seeing the peeps..haha..celebrated denieces and chuan teck..

spent alot of money dese daes tking cab home..spent 8 bucks last sat tking cab home frm tings bdae..ytd oso..a little lesser..2.8 frm paya lebar mrt to my hse..im scared to walk home aln ..n it was only 1030pm..no lahs ill rather save less n trust my life to a cabby..last week too..cab n cab n cab..luckily dis week nt mtg anione..phew!onli zhiyu on sat when me wun be home after dark!

tink eventually taiwan trip may nt be realised..since no updates till now..its alritex i tink..i can use the $ to go for my photoshhot..fd one at millenia walk..looks pro!wah!but i wanna go slimming center oso!tinking of slimming santuary which is near my house..but dunno hw much..sighh..

its cming in a few mths..me n meimei have made a pact to train hard.. n me can expect to go k every other week!wah!i like it!ill rather shp less n entertain myself more!realli!!

sm times its getting a little lonely..cant always hang out with my frans cox of our differing lifestyles..sighh..now busy with PA..13 more days n dats it!fianlly!wanna slack..wanna blade..wanna swim..wanna slim down..aiyas me wanna do so many things!how how?

ya cming bk?i welcum u..welcuming qianyi!my hall mummy!haha..we've gtta spot all the good looking hall freshies yeah?haha..mummy..gt urself a daddy!haha..no one wanna be my daddy..haha..heh!guys out dere!my mummy aint bad okie!!jus a little loud!

next sem..im yr 3 alr..haha..still remembered mr yap my vj physics and CTC tutor saeing this: yr 1, u r a fresh flower which will attract lotsa bees. Yr 2: a fully bloomed flower, still attracting bees, yr 3(final yr): a dying flower, bees r starting to leave..haha..yah im gg to be yr 3!does it mean i belong to the 3rd category?haha..dying?

hmm..if i were to ans. my own question..haha..of cox not!definitely not dying!!bees leaving?ahha..i dun care!i wan BUTTERFLIES!haha..butterflies r so pretty..so beautiful!!even if dere aint any wadsoever flies..i dun care!a flower can still survive..of cox it gtta be a fake flower!haha..im crapping again..

tingx party!!

ytd went to our beloved, pretty, sweety, deary TINGX's 21st Birthday PARTY!
haha..was at her sis' condo at river valley road..Nathan ville!haha..me n shanx had a little prob finding though

ytd woke up at 7am gave tuition den met up with ys in twn to finish up our TUTORIALs!!--the 2 pieces of artwork!!!haha..finished the skeleton at home n pasted the pics n designs at the taka's coffeebean..gt chased away after spending lyk 3hrs dere..quite paiseh leh..den afterdat went to gt the prezzies n went to heerens spinelli to finish up wadever we had to!haha..so funnie lahs..we were rushing for time..dats y we were late tingx!haha..even thot charmx wld reach earlier than us!luckily nver!!!!

it drizzled a little n tingx our beloved host was hurrying us to makan!ahaha..the food was thai frm SIAM kitchen..the salad was good and the beehoon!haha..saw jacelyn, sugui n yinbing wif her bf..haha..so long nv see one another alr but we still cld click n crap as usual!dats good!!we managed to entertain ourselves whilst our tingx was busy entertaining her frans..haha..

tings!u best lorhs nv entertain us!haha..jus joking lahs..so shou alr..tink u r so sick of us alr!haha..but we enjoyed ourselves though!angry lehs.wanteed to ask dew dey all to help throw u into the water!!haha..joking joking!!heehee

the tiramusi cake was great!was alr melting lyk dunno wad when we were cutting n distributing..so the looks of it was rather unglam..haha..its lyk melted...hmm..better not describe ani further!

hey ger ah!hope u realli lyk the prezzie yeah?me n shanx do the 2 tutorials till we wanna pengx haha..esp cutting the stars..was hoping we have the stencil sia!haha..but the end products?were FABULOUS of cox!!heh!frm us lehs..of cox of the highest quality lorhs!!!haha..

quite fun doing though..but wun be doing one in the near future yeah

tmr is gg to be exciting cox gg to meet up with my hall seniors n hall peeps..its gonna be loads of pple!heehee..
n tues mb sending charmx off n celebrating her bdae befor heading to the office..sianz!its yet another week!but im looking fwd to next sat alr!cox gg to meet zhiyu!!!!haha..n its the 6th week!aft dis then 2 more weeks!!!haha..lalala..

okok..gtta go prep for tuition at 2 alr..haha

lastly, wanna wish charmx n tingx:HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY DEARIES!!STAY SWEET,PRETTY AND HAPPY yeah?HUGGXS!!well next will be yanshan alr!!!haha

fees!!urghh!

re-read the stupid email from office of finance..n jus when i thot ive cleared all my DEBTS..i realised i still owed them $ for school fees!urgghh..wad fuelled my anger even further is the email stating dat ive to pay $320 of hostel acceptance fees n have to stay for a minimum of 2 mths cox bfore dat i wun gt my refund!!

this is super shitty lahs..damn!!all my saving up plans r gone!!shoosh!i wnna move out oso cannt!!wah the hell mans!!n i cant view my results cox me still owe them money!!alas!if only me cn jus drp by sch n pay all that they want!!all at once!!im super duper zuper PISSED!so pISSED dat i can jus spill out FIRE!i jus cant stp cursing lahs!!yucks!!

but whus to blame?of cox its myself lahs..whu ask me nt to pay on time?too bad..i dun pity myself..hw to pay so much at one go?its lyk hell lahs!as if im printing money!i jus hope that i could turn bk the time n chosen nt to stay in hall..nt to be in JCRC..den deres no nid for me to incur so much..so much of my time...my money!!damn wasteful!!urghh..ive to pay everything on my own..with my miserable amt of tuition fees..n once its used to pay for hostel im broke!!nw? asking me to pay 390 for may n june hols when im nt even staying..im alr bu gan yuan!n u dare send me another mail asking me to pay acceptance fee of 320?hey!go to hell mans!i dun haf money lahs!!!urghh!jus feel lyk jus cancelling sia!!!i cant stp staying after a mth which i planned to..ive gtten stay for 2 mths at least

do i really haf no choice?can i dun stay for even a mth?i dunno the answer..im really vexed!sighh..

dat dae when we went shpping, felix said im conflicting myself..its true that i will miss the pple..on the other hand im tired i wanna go home..yah i jus laughed it off..i did..im afraid of loneliness..the initial fun which i had when i entered in yr 1 was no longer dere..im afraid of loneliness in hall..alone in the single room..it aint stuffy cox of the aircon..the wind..but the feeling of being inside is driving me crazy..i cant breathe..i dunno y..mb its psychological..mb its all in the mind..i really aint sure..its bad..my wrld seems to be crumbling down again..its nt even the start of sch n im feeling this way..this is really bad..

ive been thinking alot recently..but i dun gt it..y is life so unfair..no one is perfect..dats y ive imperfections too..but i aint satisfied..i wanna be the perfect one..i noe i cant..I CAN'T..its impossible i noe..BUT I JUS TINK ITS POSSIBLE!
im stubborn!veri n i mus tell u!the important wrd is VERY!

as i grow older i realised im gtting more n more depressed bt my life n the outlook of it...i jus seem to be comfortable wif wad i haf..i cant stay put on sth..im nt as happy or happy-go-lucky as wad i used to be..i simply cant!ive become a stranger to myself..sometimes i dun even noe whus joleen? seeming good on the outside..but u wun noe wad im tinking internally..nt in the negative wae i mean..as ones emotion will affect/infect others..i choose to affect my friends positively..wun want to ruin their days..

detesting myself for everything..hating myself for being bitchy..despising myself for being incapable..disliking myself for the failures..remorseful for being lousy..regretful over my choice..

is dere a wae to redeem myself?i feel as if im jus a nobody..a busybody..

im tired!exhausted!sleepy!i dun wanna tink..i dun wanna wrk!i refuse to face the reality..i hate being mean..simply cant stand this ger called Joleen..falling into depression for no good reason!yah no reason at all! i nid to see a psychiatrist i feel..haha..a physician wun help!

its nice to tok to u online..u still remembered the east coast hawker?haha..nt gifing u my blog add..cox u simply cant read..sorry for that..portraying a blissful ger..u noe nothing..wad u see is a shell carefully crafted n wrapped..its superficial at least to myself..hafing our own life is good!wishing u well though..dun ask me th things uve asked before..dun ask me y i dun gif the guys a chance..dun tell me nt to choose this n that..ur advices i do read..i gt it but before u mention..im well aware!well aware!unless u lemme go, unless u choose to let go..unless u tell me so..u can regard as wad uve regarded since 2 yrs ago?yah n dat was 2 yrs ago!dats fast..i will respond similarly too

heard a shocking news bt my sis' fran turning into a les..or is she a bi? i dunno..me nv ask..its jus so weird to hear this news when i was trying to rush off to wrk..for a while, i was made to think..r singles at this age always stray ,always choose the alternative?

yah i guess so

cramped!

was actually in quite a good mood minutes ago..urghh..had a bicker w sis!sians..cant stand me?ellos!who cant std who ahs?urghh!

wadever!!!

was out since early afternn..was suppose to go for tuition at bedok but in the end he cancelled!haha..great!so i slept later n went out with sis to marina sq and spent the afternn at millenia walk..saw kelly poon n ho yao sun..haha..the sd system was lousy today..cant really hear wad they were singing..aiyas was there to pick up the prizws for gtting into the semis..was suppose to gt birkies and meet shan in orchard but in the end din cox not meeting shans so dun really wanna go to jus gt our birkies..haha..next thurs?shld be lahs..

these few days were spent at cityhall, marina sq area!wah its the 3rd day i was dere!thurs went waraku with shans tingx n charms..fri went shopping with felix followed by mtg up with weinee at changing appetite, marina sq n today with sis to shop!wah..seems lyk dere r a lot of things to do ritex?haha..mb..

ytd bought a top for 12.5 from ebase!haha..my fav colour again!pink diagonal strips with yellow!woohoo..today gt a yellow top from giodano..haha..but so cheap 10 onli!haha..cant spend alot!else will be broke at the beginning of the month!haha..

hey u see i aint a spendthrift k? n accompanied u to fox men hors n levis..still sae its cox of 'joleen's aura' that caused u to spend so much:( thanks lorhh..n whens KTV?haha..felt good ytd shopping n choosing guy's clothes cox seldom shop for guy's stuff..hey!c'mon lorhs ive gt good taste can?if not u wldnt haf bot the green polo tee n the red tee which ive selected!haha..n ill make sure u gt an orange one if deres a chance!dun wear jus blue, black n white k?take the brighter colours!example, the red, the orange the yellow!n i noe ill haf to kill u n mb even myself to ask u to wear pink!haha..so mb not pink at the moment!haha..n i dun care if ya lyk/dun lyk pink..i noe i luf PINK n no one is gonna stop me frm lyking the colour!even u!!looking forward to ladyhill n hillstreet's gathering!haha..fun i guess..

tinking of getting a skirt from m'phosis but 4o bucks!shud i gt?i feel lyk gtting so dat me cn be clad in it for tings bday dis sat!haa..mb its an excuse jus for me to buy it!!how how?:( tink colour is very important!the correct colour gifs luf, reflect the mood u r in, the personality etc. so from the choice of clothes u will gt to noe yeah?

as for me..if ya were to tk a peep into my cabinet..of cox its obvious that theres PINK!haha..no only PINK but SHOCKING PINK!!orange, yellow, purple, red are my colours!feeling great when im in the correct colours!haha..

tmr's gg to meet up with mel in town..haha..cant buy but jus to walk around after gifing tuition..me shant wear heels anymore..feet cramp!n its wrk on mon again!sians..its the 5th week n after which 3 more to go!!woohoo!!

G.U.E.S.S!!guess? GUess!!

wah!!this is realli the first branded wallet which i have!!thanks dearies!!thanks for the GUESS wallet!!din expect u all to realli buy a GUESS one!thanksthanks!heehee..luf it loads!but me a bit se bu de to use cox afraid that it will gt dirtied:(
hope u peeps lyk the desserts at hiagen diaz!heehee..n hws WARAKU shanx?not bad ritex?i luf the atmosphere!heh!!thanks for celebrating my 21st bdae with me today babes!!heehee..next sat's will be our dearest tingx den followed by charmaine's!!wowwe r all turning 21!!haha..n shanx we will remember ur prezzie k?no probs!within 5 mths we promise to help u find a super rich, super cool boy yeah?haha..

oh ya before i forget!thanks yiting for the handmade card ger!so cool!ill sure hang it in my hostel!n thanks shans n charms for the sweet msges..well of cox nt forgtting our artistic tings!heehee..really glad to haf u all as my pals!n thanks for ur support all alg yeah?heh..we mus keep in touch hor till the future..till forever!n pls do tell us wad ya wan for ya bdae babes!!

tmr gg to meet up with weinee at marina sq again but she cn onli meet me at 630pm..nvm ill go shp aln or mb ask mel alg?haha..feel lyk stking more skirts for next sem!moreover so many sales gg on!contempting on gtting a tube of the celebrity body cream..sighh..dunno whether will work or not..desperate..slimming center too ex..cant afford at the moment..so gtta depend on these..shakehead..desperate to diet..:( afraid to tk cambridge diet/extrim/tummy trim..wadever...i wanna be rich n go marie france bodyline!!or bottomslim or anything lahs..

hopefully next thurs ktv with the interns will be successful..haha..n me shant be eating heaty stuff alr!else hw to sing yeah?

yawns..haha..time to bed dudes!nitex:)

am i the BITCH or YOU?

urghh!!!cant stand it!!it jus simply doesnt pay to be nice!

so wad shes more senior?hey c'mon lorhs..im keeping my cool jus cox ur age..n i agree that u gtta write my pa report..if not for this..hellos!!get this clear: i want nothing to do w u mans!!jus 4 more weeks n im off! haf experience?haf $?haf IQ?so wad?U HAF GT NO EQ!dunno wads call EQ yeah?oh pls!!get a life! uve gtta gt this clear!i din step on ur toes!n dunt u noe hw to jus sae a simple thanks?i shant waste my energy on u..i shall tolerate w ur nonsense!go away lahs!!!urghh!!

last sat was rather cool!went to fionas 21st party..quite disappointing to see only the few of us..nonetheless overall it was alritex..haha..jon is still the same!come on dude stop being so cheeky yeah?ur ger will get jealous sia!haha..nick is as pretty,kevin as blur n zhao as stoned!haha..ivan as quiet,shaun as funny..gt suan by me!haha..its was great to see my jc pals!fiona the bdae ger was beautiful!her party was super unique lahs..till now ive yt to see someones party w 2 balloony men, an entertainer n a photographer!n toking bt the photographer!we were assaulted badly..be it we were eating ot toking or jus trying to stone he wld be dere n click his camo away!urghh..n me was so unlucky to be picked to play a super RA game lahs..so paiseh..but poor nick he gt a worser role!haha..oopss.in the end though we lost but still gt prize!haha..gt a manicure set n a makeup set!wah nw ive all the makeup!!haha

toking bt makeup..i feel awful when i dun doll up myself..die!jus feel dat me lyk sickly w/o colours on me..weird..

next bdae on the list?haha..tink shld be mine bahs..thats acc. to shanx tingx n charms..this thurs gg to my fav. jappie restaurant at marina sq-waraku for dinner!haha..yeah!!n thurs is my sis bdae too!haha..celeb my belated bdae on my sis actual bdae!haha..funny yeah?next will be our beloved tingting's!me n shans have volunteered to help alr!!haha..wad shld i wear?my mini skirt?haha..oh ya let us stay over lehs ger?haha..shanx dun forgt our cartel's breakfast!haha..

this weekend feels abit empty..yah cox deres no nid to rush for competition anymore..nt depressed cox ive gt the chances to perform for the public..n i mean really the public..nt jus the hall pple n frans..its the shopping crowd the passers-by..im pleased to haf caught ur attention..thanks eveyone for listening to us?though din gt into finals but we r alr satisfied w e semis cox its the first competition..i live w no regrets..all alg ive yearn to perform n i thot ive made used of the short 8 mins i haf on those 2 chances!the attention, the quietness, the cheers, the applause, the comments..i thank u pple for all! though its the end for this competition its actually the firststep into the future..i treasure those moments..the moments which i can proudly tell my kids in the future dat hey!mummy gt into semis in a competition bfore!i luf wad im doing..n i believe even if i cant go far ..its something which i enjoy n pursue..believing is powerful..ive done wad others may not even dare to do..ive conquered myself, the stagefright n i yearn for more of those moments again..however, i gtta wrk harder..dat means kbox more often!haha..

was toking to clarence ytd bt guys being so amusing..yah i shld jus ignore n ellos boy..hw to find a bf fast?haha..its fate lehs..haha..
dun quite able to comprehend guys..ytd was weird..my sis was saeing that it was so obvious that he was trying to be over friendly..haha..oh mans..n friendster is another one!a model n a mixed blood..haha..interesting sia..but..im wary!apprehensive..haha..thanks yah..but no thanks!

went shppinh n gt myself an op skirt!heehee..yeah new skirt but ive alr worn it!!more to come!haha..a new top!so happy so happy..peachy PINK!!damn bright lahs..aahha..mkes my dae yeah?n my espirit slipper!woohoo!haha..i nid cash to shop!!
wah!!GSS!GSS!i like!!!MUACKS!!haha

so fast..yet so slow?

tmr's thurs again!!n its gg to be weekends again!!!haha..
this weekend will be the last for one of my tutees, so dat means me will haf 1 left for the 1 mth hols!at least gt more time for myself!!yeah!time flies yah..im gg to be into the 4th week into my PA n 4 more to the end!!!haha.next will be taiwan n camps!

suppose to haf dinner with kh, mel n xinwei today but gt cancelled last min..haha..haf been gg out..watched da vinci code w shanx n tings ytd..tink its nt dat bad lahs..gt frightened by a few scenes when silas appeared out of nowhere!haha..scardy cat huh?haha..ps was packed!din really enjoyed the popcorn though:( next up will be pirates of carribean!!i wanna watch!!

din haf much time to practise for sun n i guess mes gifing myself too much stress yeah?the sg dun feel ritex mb im tinking too much..hmm..jus be natural n i guess e best is to wrk on my breathing..hmm..hope everything goes well n fight on to the end!!thats my ultimate goal for myself!to be determined n its a challenge for myself n a test of where i can go..setting more tests for myself..yah more!

tmr n fri are gg to slack!no nid to go office but jus attend ey's semiar on GST at raffles city's swissotel!haha..yeah!good good!

next week's thurs n fri are occupied too. thurs: my belated bdae celebration at my favourite WARAKU RESTAURANT at marina sq!den fri. mtg with weinee to celeb her bdae!haha..still tinking of where we shld go..:)

ytd was toking to a nbs fran n nw a fellow PA fran in EY..hes weird lah..kept laughing at the fact that i wasnt attached before!dun be so mean lehs..dun ask y i aint at all..those jus aint the right feelings..dats all i can sae..or mb dey r jus normal frans..nothing more than 'just' frans..really..okie..lyk wad jiaqi said: high expectation/s..yahyah..i agree n ya do stop harpping on this topic alr k?so malu when we were in the train n he was toking bt it in his deep low voice!haha..but im proud of my single status!!serious!!so carefree!!haha

okok..tmr gg to meet up with council frans!cya peeps..!settlers cafe!!yay!!no place..wah..cfm gg broke yeah?haha

im happy..

im glad dat my tutees did realtively well for their exams..phew!at least all werent in vain!haha..

the next week is gonna be exciting!so many events n mtgs n activities going on. sun is gg to be crucial..im praying hard..i musnt let mummy down!i musnt le myself down either!its our dream..if luck aint gg to be on our side..ive gt to face it..but we will try yea?meimei, we will try yeah?:)

tmr gtta wrk again!but only for 3 days!yeah!!!!so happy..

mb thru channelling my energy away..its this satisfaction which im gettin..im busy but i dun mind cox mes pursuing smthg which i luf..its a passion which aint gg to die dwn so soon..not so soon!

alrites 1145pm n its really time to concuss!wrk tmr:( sians but nvm! the week will pass soon n im excited over it!yes!i am!!really:)

the 2nd step and its not ending!

we've conquered the 2nd step today and it's jus not going to simply end here!it's our dream..a common hope..n we've both worked hard for my this..its indeed a splendid feeling to be able to get into the semis!wanna thank yanshan,yiting,my sister's pals for being there to support us!!thanks babes and jethro?the dude?haha..despite the heat and the hrs u pals stayed for the release of the result!appreciate u guys!realli!!
me n tings took pic with e special guest-sugi frm jue dui SUPERSTAR!haha..shan was so paiseh to tk w him yeah?in the end shans becm our photographer..sugi is quite friendly..i dare not look at him closeup..so paiseh..haha..but hes nt bad lahs shans..jus dat he had makeup on..for a guy its weird..but hes an artiste!hes so funny stood a little dist frm me in the photo..haha..extremely eager to see the pic tings!!send ME!!thanks dearie!!haha

next rd will be dis sat..n its time again to decide on the next song..haha..n this is always the toughest for us!firstly, limited VCD, next gtta get a sg that suits both of us..haha..its RD 3!

saying im nonchalant bt it will be deceiving myself..we took the first step and now we r in to our 3rd step!its an experience!i guess i jus luf attention..the stage..luf to see the expressions..im HAPPY:) we r wrking hard and hopefully 3rd june will be the big day for me n sis! guess this will be the most memorable gife for my sis as her bdae falls on june 1st!haha..meimei we mus wrk hard okie? believing is a powerful tool!n ive chosen to channel this belief into wad we r enjoying today..it may not be great..it may be seen as tiny as compared..but im banking on our youth..our interest..the opportunities! theres one more!!shld we go?i m considering..

jus when everyone is planning for the 'NEAR' future be it studying or working..im dreaming..im in my lala land..in my disneyland..in my dreamland!yah..it has never ceased!im in my foreign land..

next week is gg to be super xciting!mon work..tues will be mtg shans n tings for da vinci..wed lunch treat frm my directors..thurs n fri attending GST convention at raffles city instead of wrking in office!haha..sat is gonna b the bestest!morn tuition,after competition, nitex fionas bdae party!haha..gg to go there all dolled up..oopps!no choice!n sun its back to tuition again!

jus when i wanna share my joy n excitment with u, u aint in the mood..afraid to msg ya n bothering ya as well..u haf ur problems too..really hope u will see ur light soon..dun ever think of slping forever..we r still young!we cnt..love may ultimately nt be the only thing we live for..we haf our family too..dey cnt be overlooked..weve gt to realise this yeah?

dunnoe y ya haf such conflicting thots..so weird gtting confused by wad ive been reading..u r lucky to haf ya family n ur gal with u..god will be w u n u will cm to realise it really soon..

its slping time!!!haha

jus so touched!

I AM SERIOUSLY SO SO TOUCHED!!haha

I AM SIMPLY SO ELATED!!:)

ytd me was super pissed n my mood was so so low..it was because me had many missed calls while i was having my internship training!urghh..both from hall office which demanded me to settle my hall application bill by ytd n another events company!freaky!jus simply wanted to switched off the stupid phone lahs!!!irritated..

i din of cox..jus wanna complain..

was so bothered that me cun go bk to sch to settle the bill cox of attachment n by the time mes bk in sch its alr lyk 8pm!whu will be ard?msged almost those peeps whom i could seek help frm..excluding those on pa as me..haha..those whu always helped me thru r on pa as well..so cant..sheesh..was so desperate alr dat me even msged my sis to help!haha..at the back of my mind i knew she cant but jus wanna try my luck..in the end thot of my cult sec!haha..hes lyk forever in hall..sighh..no luck either..whu the hell will be in hall during the hols!nontheless he was kind enuf to ask me to try gtting the engine guys n he told me darrens tking a module!!n i did seek help frm darren!was jus trying my luck since i was super despo alr!i was really so relieved that he actually agreed to help!!haha..was i plain lucky or wad!i cnt imagine!!shld had msged jianming earlier dey!haha..

i was halfhearted n nearly wanted to call hall office to jus cancel my application if me really cant find someone whus able to lend me a hand..really i dun mind jus withdrawing n of cos me do noe the consequences which i will have to bear.yah im aware!its not so easy to jus help me pay the bill at the office but to gt em to print the letter, go to the students affair center which is relatively far n den gtting a sticker n back to hall office again!so tedious!if im not on the way me will not be willing to help too!dats y im really surprised dat darren actually din mind!yah..i hope he did haf lesson in sch today n he did haf his car with him or else ill feel really bad about it n SAO is how far if one is to walk frm hall to that place!!inaccessible!no matter wad!i really really really really * infinity wanna thank him!!!

THANK YOU DARREN!!!haha

finally one 'trouble' is settled..now handling two things at one go..ones work and the other me shant say..jus hoping for the best:) mel u cant sae okie?heehee..

ive mentioned this bfore i guessed..im easily impressed n this time rd its not only so but utterly shocked..haha..cant believe that theres still nice pple ard at least helpful pple!!wow!!!haha..kkie shall stop blabbering bt this alr since its settled alr!!haha

todays first day at gst department.. the perm staff r friendly..guess its jus a start..apprehesive of how it will really be lyk..seriously speaking mes not really liking wad im doing!im not..not liking the clothes ive to be in considering wad i usually wear..not enjoying the kinda work im involved in..ive yet to really touch on the actual stuff shall me shall make some reservations bfore me will comment any further!

mes falling alsp n its only 938pm!shall wake up early tmr to read thru wad i haf for wrk..braindead now:(

(heh!din really noe wad actually happened to you recently..so sorry that mes gtta be on pa n cnt help ya much..if ya really nid a listening ear mes ard yea?though me may be ignorant of alot of things tink i can still manage..rem? smiley is always ard n she wanna see u smile n not be upset:)

first day at keppel tower cont'd

lemme carry on with my entry which i had left off this morning..

i cun bring myself to slp on wed night. it was a surprise as weve hafen msned for so long for at least a few mths..mths?i guess so..i was happy.the warmth is back..its so nice to haf a brother who asks bt u, whu cares for ur future..whus dere to listen to ur problems..shld i sae im partly blessed?i dunno..im not letting myself fall into dat again, not allowing myself to be inflicted again..i cant. yah hes my brother.appreciating those concerns.no i dun wish that we will be in the same company in the yrs to come, im so sorry to haf to sae this.in fact i cant bring myself to sae this to u..im sorry.so self defence i tink this is the best for me.ive learnt to be self-fish..its not innate in me but ive gt no choice..HURT is the last wrd im willing to accept in my vocab. ive turned colder twds a lot of things, a number of pple. this seriously is wad i hate to do.theres no way i can turn back the clock n stop these frm happening. i cant. noeing that u care is enough for now.(do u really care?) even if ya dun, ya arent to be blamed. u haf no responsibility to do so, y mus u? i do rem wad ya said, the outings etc. i thank u for these memories, sweet den but turned bitter now they are jus buried deeply but nv deep enuff to be forgtten.hated u den, mb this 'hatred' had evolved to 'numbness' yah im indifferent alr..almost so pls dun confuse me anymore n i cant be shaken. at the bottom of my heart, i wish u well..denying one may sae but ive come thus far, ive to be in denial, this is it. its heartache even till now..its embarrassing that ive to admit n i detest myself for this.

life has to go on..my life revolves rd wrk n gifing tuition.i dun mind not gg out.i dun mind hafing no life.i yearn to stay at home. sleep my hours away..relaxing via watching tv flipping thru papers, even gt nagged at by my mum..yah i seriously dun mind animore. i guess vonnie has described pretty accurately bt the crisis which was reflected in her blog.used to love to meet up with pals used to love org mtgs. nowadays im waiting for peeps to date me instead..no initiatives no energy to plan for meet ups. some times waiting for confirmations which nv came. im too lazy either to msg n confirm with em. i tried spending a day waiting for the gathering but it nv cm even on the day itself. a few days ago, was waiting for another confirmation but in the end me still msged to confirm. mb if ive known the mtg aint gg to tk place i could ve arranged another mtg. i din n spent my vesak day slping n slacking instead. yet again, im alritex wif this. shld i sae im jus plainly lazy? or haf i gtten tired of everything? mb im lacking e courage to do so for reasons which i shant mention n im still considering my last resort. cost is an issue n i jus cnt refrain myself frm wanting to try them. i wun noe if it will be effective till i tried it. i wun noe.

so much had been said, that much i had done, nothing more i could do, wishing its not the end

dreading the cming weeks of work:(

first day at keppel tower

yesterday was the first day we tax interns were at keppel tower located near tg pagar MRT..in order to create a 'good' impression me wore my long sleeves as usual but ended up perspiring like mad when i finally reached the train station!DAMN!!urghh!wad made me worse was that the train was so so packed that there wasnt aeven an inch for me to step into the carriage!(kah hon, me noe wad u will be thinking!!yahyah..haha)that caused me to be late n all of us had to speed walk lyk mad to keppel!

ey's office at keppel twr is much pleasant lking or shld i sae furnished compared to the ocean's bldg..overall not too bad..n we gt treated to lunch at one of the restaurants at craig rd by the partner!wah we din gt this treatment when we were at the audit department..but afterdat, the 'bomb'came..tax computation..sigh..wondering hw different GST works..i chose GsT over corporate TAx cox me wanna try new things since ive done personal income tax at IRAs, studied corp tax so me always yearning to be different chose GST instead. there r only me n another SMU guy in GSt..at least i aint alone yah?haha..shall see how when mon starts..mon will be another day of trging den its really dwn to work..in the meantime me shall enjoy this lg week end n do my tax computation!haha..

ytd wanted to go kbox w sis n her frans in the end it turned out to be so ex cox its public hols day eve!wah the...in the end went to watch poisedon!!haha..the shw started at 720pm n we decided to watch n bought tixs at 730pm by the time we went in after collecting my popcorn we were alr late n the shw started..haha..but luck was on our side!haha..minutes into the shw sth cropped up n they restarted the shw frm the beginning!!haha..if we werent lucky den wads this called?haha..it was sth lyk perfect storm n i wanted to resurrect that moments when i watched it henceafter reading the reviews n the movie followups in the papers decided that me mus watch POISEDON!haha..next will be da vinco code!i wanna go to the lidos theatre!!i lyk the popcorn there betta!!haha

okie..running late..shall continue with dis post again

THANK YOU WEILIN

hey weilin!!this entry is FOR YOU!!!

thanks alot for inviting us to ya house dear!!though me was late but it was so sweet of u guys to save food for me:) haha..simply touched yea? n DEY were DELICIOUS babe!!!thanks alot!!

n the entertainment!!!the settlers' board game!!cool!its been a lg lg time since me had sat down to play board games!!haha..hmm..truthfully me was watching more den playing..anyhow!i was sure dat we all enjoyed ourselves jus now didnt we?im so happy to haf met up with u all today!!really!looking forwrd to more gatherings yea?

tinking of gg to the korean rest linnie brought us de other time..the korean rest at chinatown!!we mus go again k?bfore u leave k?yummy korean dishes!!!

tmrs first day of PA..SIAN!i wanna play still!haha

oh yah..thanks clarence for accompanying me to TM jus now..thanks alot!

toking to vonnie on MSN..haha..getting elated over a gal's topic!haha..tink it cld be a little more exaggerated if we were to tok face to face yeah?haha.

hope to cya u all soon!

heys deres a new rest at marina sq..sm level as zara n mango!i wanna try!haha.. n dere r gg to be 2 nice movies to be screened real soon--poseidon n da vinci code!i wanna watch!!!whus free?haha

THANK YOU WEILIN

no more PA shopping PLEASe!

oH NO!it slipped my mind dat im supposed to got pantyhose(stockings)today as well!!aLAs!!wanted to proclaim dat im finally done with the PA shopping but den!!S***!!urghh..cant stand shopping for clothes which i dun like to wear, cant stand gg into those formal wear shops!ill rather spend my $ on my denim skirts!my pretty slippers r jus keep em in the bank!!jus dun lyk to wear lg sleeves..knee length skirts, carry leather bag n painful heels!put on makeup dat makes me look so so fake!!sighh..cant stop complaining how??urghh...

bought myself an off-white handbag for PA jus now..me mel joey alvin n delvin went to town this afternn to shop for PA stuff!at least the guys bought stuff frm G2000 n me n joey gt our bags n joey her clothes!mel? din managed to gt her shirt cox its way to big!was so tired after that..haha..hmm..mb its only me..dey still can go catch a movie whilst mel went for foc main comm dinner!me? a piece of dead meat!!wanna fall asleep alr!im so glad im at home now..concussing soon!timecheck: 1041pm:)

yesterday went KBOX at marina Square..dunno y jus feeling super excited though ive been with them for at least 4 to 5 times?so weird!haha..n yah!i jus realised dat yj n felix r always so punctual..the other times when we were gg from sch dey were also early or at least on time!made me so paiseh!yahyah..as usual i was late!oopps!!ytd was no exception! was at bugis bfore dat n thot i was rather early..hmm..to state the truth..was bt 3 mins off 6pm:P haha..(a bit late only wads)was at cityhall's ctrl n scanned through the crowd..thot dey werent there yet but whu noes dey were standing at the escalators!!!AHHH!!so im the last again!!sighh...ive never seen guys so punctual before!!really never!!so so on time dat im so embarrassed for being late 100% of the time which we've arranged to meet!tink its cox my other guy frans r mostly late n weve to end up waiting for them..so eventually ive grown to assume that all will be late..hmm..ill try my very best n be ON TIME the next round we meet yeah? today also!!mel alvin n delvin were so early..ill definitely make an effort to be on time next time i meet my NTU pals!!stress sia:P haha...

hmm..ytd's KTV was only 3 hrs..haha..mb its bcox of the late timing that i nearly fall aslp twds the end of the session..n it was only 9+pm! yawns..but i did enjoy myself though..din sing much i guess! n next thurs night mes gg wif my sis!!its ladies night so no nid to pay cover charge!yeah..so its wrk den KTV!wah!!n im FEELING GOOD cox one of my freshies gt a PArtyWorld Voucher!free for 4hrs n 10bucks off or sth lidaT!!wow!!!haha..thanks KEVIN!!haha..he said he wun need em n gifing to me!haha..free KTV AT PARTYWRLD!!for a KTV freak lyk me..its jus like WWWWAAAAAHHHH!!!!*beaming with joy*!!:) will organise a session with em again!!mb after our PA bahs or one of the holidays!:)

i dunno if i shuld blog this..mb ive given too many peeps this link that ive realised that dere r stuff which i cant really blog them down..hahs..n dere mb peeps whom i dun noe but r reading all these..nvm..blogging is nv a private thing!CFM!!

2 more days to PA n im gg to spend them by gifing TUITION!haha..yah no choice..its exam period for them so yah..

its really not the end..

im unsure of how i should be feeling now!

tink im elated?or shld i be feeling ultra blessed? tink i was lucky..nearly lose this chance:p nearly failed..but now phew!we will definitely work hard ritex? meimei we mus jiayou!

tmr will be spent either blading at 8am or ktv at 11am! n no matter wad!tmrs gg kbox with felix yongjie n winnie at suntec at 7pm!!sighh..its at night again...gtta compromise:( ill take a cab home after dat..i can imagine myself holding back my fear in the cab taking the lift n into my house..im warned not to be bk late at night..n jus cox i realli wanna go ktv with them that im placing this bet on myself..this is the last..no more! im wondering if i can keep this promise..dunno if deres ctc gathering tmr afternn..

yeah its ktv tmr!!!!!!!!!!!!cant wait to meet them at 6pm!!!!!woohoo!!!!

jewel in the palace

planned to devote part of this entry to 'jewel in the palace'!
ive jus finished most of the episodes..cox still missed by a few..gtta finish em tmr afternn since mes gg to slack at home!!:):)

toking bt jewel...her spirit is definitely so admirable!dere r parts where its filled with sorrow, some with happiness, some with hatred, some filled with sweetness::) changjin's determination, perserverence, innocence, her willingless to sacrifice her life etc really set me thinking! compared to her im nothing!she lyk my idol!tink its a veri successful serial..it made me wanna weep with her, feel with her, hate with her, share her happiness with her..wow!emotional?yah tink maybe:P i lyk the ending..i lyk the ending cox changjin ended up marrying the guy she loves, one whu stood by her whenever she needed someone, someone whu truly understds want she needs, someone whu truly loves her, someone whus willing to sacrifice his top official post jus to start afresh with her..how sweet!

sometimes i do dream..dream of the special someone:P haha..toking bt dreams..was reading darius' blog bt dreams!hey darius, sometimes dreaming is good sia..but dun dream too much yeah?mus gt enuff rest!haha..
(oh no!feel lyk rewatching jewel again!haha)

yeah felix jioing ktv again!hopefully its gg to be this week!thurs?fri?
thurs morn gonna blade!dats if she recovers frm her flu!poor gal fell sick before her last paper which is tmr..sighh..my youngest sis oso..so unfortunate..me musnt fall ill ahs..gtta go slog 24/7 for the next 8 weeks!for PA for $ for my future..it can be considered my stepping stone for now..of cox me hope i can gt sth better!sth which i enjoy doing..sth which is closer to my dream..

im a dreamer..im too imaginative..sometimes its a disadvantage..it can be impractical..but everyone has his dreams..its a fairytale its when u wun gt hurt..its beautiful..even if its a bad one its temporary its fictitious..fallin into lala land..

he asked hws me n him..ive nv thot bt this qns for a lg time..suddenly i dunno hw to ans..yeah..hes busy i guess..hes so far yet those memories simply jus surfaced again..i din wan to..im sorry..its hard to thoroughly forget..im halfway dere..i wun forget..i choose to treasure wad i had..yah to treasure..sighh..i tink its part n parcel of growing up:P no choice lifes hard..im not as fortunate as changjin i guess..n in reality that kinda man wun appear..cfm dun haf!!haha

workaholic?

woohoo..its onli 913am on a sun mon n im alr onlinE!haha..was 'supposed' to log on ytd nitex but was too engrossed with jewel in the palace!haha..jus cnt stop my finger frm pressing the 'next' button after finishing an episode!haha..n ended up glued to the screen for 4.5hrs!haha..eyes hurt sia!gonna finish it by wed?haha

tmrs may 1st!!yah its may alr..oh dear!!nearly half the yr is gone..bleah:P a week more of slacking..im gonna pack my stuff..the notes , the papers the books..headache!!cant wait for my sis to end her exams on wed!den its gonna be blading on thurs morn!!yippee!!half a yr alr..hoping me cn still make it!!den fri haf og outing..still hafta gt a handbag n stockings!sigh..den sat n sun?tuitions lorhs..

toking bt handbag n stuff me n mel went orchard to shp for our pa stuff..was so lucky to haf bought 2 skirts n a blazer frm iora at a disct!dey cost 107 onli!!happie!bought a pair of covered POINTED heels frm charles n keith at 37 n me n me sis had to collect it at suntec:p haha..the best was at metro paragon!spent 145 on 10 loreal products!its lyk hell lahs nv bought so much or shld i sae spent so much on my face bfore!thanks mel for waiting for me yeah?heehee..thanks alot ger!!as i was saeing it was jus wah..from the veri basic facial foam to the full makeup!tink my mkup skills can be enhanced!haha..

mb its cox of influence which has led me to tink dat proper skincare is really important!no more facial foam n dats it..alot of work has to be done to protect the skin especially the face!yah!the face!its a weld where the face is considered everything...yah i guess its all bt the face..i mean its the first thing pple will notice when dey tok to u or see u ritex..its the first impression!but well of cox going deeper..personality attitude manners IQ n EQ count much more!!

gonna WORK for 2 months till 30th june in EY for PA n its makeup everyday!of cox except sat n sun lahs!haha..apart frm this mon to fri 830-530 wrk..tink my sat n sun will be spent on giving tuitions yah so dat means me basically will be super packed for these cming 8 weeks!jus accepted a job offer to gif tuition at dao nan pri sch during weekends again!haha..25 bucks for 1hr n 20mins!!haha..its gonna start on the 22nd july sat..so ct peeps!hopefully our taiwan trip will b during the weekdays:)

so packed so packed!luckily not staying in hall after 4 weeks den cn conc on schooling during the week n wrking during the weekends!wah!my life jus revolves rd wrking!tink gtta gif up one tutee n most prob will be the china boy at bedok..sighh..feeling a bit bad yeah..but shall see how yeah?saving up for lotsa things..taiwan trip w mei next year..grad trip to mb hongkong next yr(no $ to go further..haha)n oso mb to slimming centre?haha..shall see yeah?haha..

im forever dissatisfied with myself w wad i haf with everything..to sae that im a high achiever?i dun tink so..to consider myself as jus an average?im unwilling to..alot of dreams a lot of hopes, a lot of aspirations but yet so little time..suddenly im feeling that ive not enuff time to accomplished wad i wan..veri soon we will be hitting 30,den 40 next will be elderly!!!!oh no!!im going to be so so old!!since young ive been fearful of growing old..yah im afraid..ill rather die young..mb 60?no no..i cant imagine..im scared n the fear is gripping me again!

mb i will b better off mugging so me wun haf this sort of time to tink n relect n frighten myself w the unnecessary..haha..

ltr will be quite exciting i tink..im telling myself to jus go with a calm mind n treat it as a normal n usual affair..a time for me n me sis to enjoy n reminisce those times we had n most importantly to haf fun!haha..den ill be bk for my jewel again!!den tuition at night again!!

haha..its not the end yet as ive gtta prepare my tutees for their exams which can be considered as mine too!!!

hey ctc gang hope to meet up soon yeah?n yanshan too!

it's the first step...

wah!!!
finally im 1.5 days away frm my freedom!!
haha..cant wait..

gg to aunt's hse after thurs paper to visit my little nephew!!!xuanpeng!!haha..so cute
fri is gg be a shpping spree with mel for our pa stuff...blazar suit, bag, shoes, makeup,shirts..wahs gonna cost me a bomb mans!!two bombs?or 3?haha..mes gg cranky!!

currently watching jewel of the palace n im halfway thru the vcds i tink..haha..cant wait to devour them all after thurs..

my PA will be starting soon..sighh..at least me wnt be rotting at home!!dats good:)
3 mths no classes n no nid to mug n do tuts..lalala...:)

next will be camps alr..camps? not so involve dis cming year i guess..jus dere to look for potential eye candies so dat my year 3 days will pass faster?haha..eye candies in nbs bahs..hall unless im super lucky!!haha..wah morphing into a desporado!!haha..no lahs:P

its my first step or shld i sae its our first step?i wish i hope im trying..its the first step to reach the stars or even the moon..i mean my moon!hopefully with faith we can conquer..with faith we can succeed..with faith n hard work..its about hafing faith n skill n luck..hungry for it..never been so hungry bfore!!

counting down to 27th may 1200hr

amused?

yah im jus simply amused..

its been ages since ive received any msges on my friendster. to me, my friendster acct. is jus for shw..today gtta cm online cox me was super tired of studying after numerous days of intense studying with my day starting at 6+am n ending at 11+pm/12am:( of cox napped a little here n there..

came online cox me gtta print my exams paper oso:( alas..sians..esp. when im not done with my revisionS!!tell me hw to be done when im onli able to atart full fledge last week?oh mans..haven started revision for my last paper..which is risk!tink im taking a risk n MUST start tmr else im risking of da-paoing:( no mans!!

my aim: 6Bs for this sem!!

gtting back to my main point..yah as usual checked mail n everything..
was a bit curious when i received 2 friendster notices- one is a new fran request the other? a msg...

yah a msg..a msg frm dunno whu mans!!his name is demian as shown..
im jus so amused, amazed, puzzled by this..i mean comeone can jus view ya profile online n jus try to 'hook' u up? okie..put it in a better way: try to get to know you..i tink its jus so absurd!!yah this is a high tech wrld..a wrld of connectivity etc. it happened last yr bfore i tink..me jus ignored..
as for this? was disgusted dat he typed almost a few length of stuff introducing himself to me..his height n weight..his hobbies, his occupation...

HELLOs!!
i dun remember posting anything asking for an arranged marriage or im not yet a member of SDU! so funny..was reading n thot it was jus so ridiculous!
someone whus 30, from nus biz-ad, wrking in the admin services...da da da..
jus so unbelievable...

first it was in a jap eatery in town
next it was a beng on the steet
a nus, bball guy in the neighbourhood
guys in campuses
poly, army guy at somerset
weirdo on the bus
now?
even online?

wah?freaks sia!can spare me a little?

not gonna respond to his msg..n please dun lemme meet these peeps alr can?

freaking myself to the extreme alr!!
not only cox of my incomplete revisions, my exams, other personal feelings, even this kinda stuff?aiyos!ive better stuff to do mans!!
lately, been exposed to alot of news on children being raped by their own fathers, strangers..women/girls being raped or violated..raped by banglah..even theres a rumour saying dat a gal went jogging alone at night got raped by a banglah wrking in school!alas!wads more?peeping in hall 8! the more i read the more afraid i am!
these made me more determined to NOT stay out when night falls!unless im with my parents..:(

paranoid..living in this kinda of environment is cfm making me go crazy..
even in the day im lyk very wary sia..so wary that i jus feel lyk cooping myself at home..not even wanna step out..yah not even..

the kids, the boys, the guys, the men r jus gtting too despo!
u guys out dere mus be trying hard to defend urselves?
im not directing this to my frans..its a general comment, an observation which iv made..dun ask me how i cant to it..at the same time no point denying also...

my fear for guys is growing..jus feeling so insecure..tink its becox of the reports, the experiences, the encounters, they are all cming back to haunt me!
im retreating into my safety hole..my lifeline..at least i wun gt hurt physically or mentally or emotionally..

its time for bed n its 1238am..38mins past my scheduled slping hrs:)

mb i shld change n call myself cinderalla instead!haha..

tmrs will be another day of intensive mugging!!

jiayou everyone!!
n thanks alot for msging..ya gtta jiayou too!!
rest well and i believe u can do it again!!

goodnight n may god bless all of us:)

STUDY SPREE??!!

was taking some online personlaity tests for the past few minutes..haha..the more i complete they more i gt hooked onto em:P
haha..gt the links frm yiting!wanted to post some of the results here but den dere were some int. errors..so hmm..mb next time?

finally on my mugging regime whereby dere isnt any need to prepare for any more presentations!i swear that this sem is cfm torturous!so many pres till i was so uptight w my last few!alas!!now its finally over n done with n me shant bother bt em anymore!!its time to conc on muggging my texts n notes!!

first paper 18th and the last?27th!
phew!wanna blade, swim, shop, sleep, ktv!!!n more KTV!!

actually haf a no. of stuf to blog but den my mind is telling me to go concuss now!sighh..

nvm jus a short reflection..was on the train ytd..mb its becox of wat i saw which sparked off my current feeling bt this..
i cant sae much, i cnt be direct, jus dunno how to put it blatantly...
but i noe im less cynical, less critical, not all at turned off..instead its making me curious abt how things wrk in life..its somehw different i guess..
ive learnt to accept..dey r my frans and very good ones..i dun wanna lose them jus cox others think otherwise..

timecheck: its 1230am..gtta slp n wake up in 5 hrs' time:P

yawns:)

love transcends all boundaries..yah i mean ALL BOUNDARIES!!

tell me how not to be stressed?

finally left w 2 presentaions to go for next mon!

jus finished with the slides for 205 and the main slides for 112! ahhs!

wanna freak out alr!

next mon gg be the last full day in school!at least i choose to take it this way!n wad a way to end my last dae in sch:( with a written test that ive yet to study!a mktg proj presentation and another presentation in the afternn!!
im definitely looking fwd to the end of mon so i can haf a peaceful time to rush n studying at full fledge for my exams!till now im onli done with 3 chapters of mktg!wad the crap!!my life is screwed!

as i typing this entry, im discussing two presentations with my group mates!!mans!tmr haf 2 tuitions to go now its 12:24 am!!im supposed to be in bed alr!!mus slp soon sia!!

was at the brink of tears again jus now..oh mans!but no!i din cry..thot it was useless and this hell period will be over in 25 more days!but wads the point cos im not even prepared for my papers!! apart frm the urban planning ge.. the rest lyk screwed sia!i dunno wad im doing!!i guess aft the last 2 presentations my life will be better

my body is giving way, my mind too..i dunno..haf been having flu for the past 2 weeks or at least one..kept gg ard with a box of tissues..i also dunno hw..dun wanna see doctor..so stressful to do so mani things..depressed over the unnecessary, worry over the least? or maybe not?i dunno im veri vexed!maybe its jus this period!sighh..

hafing constant migraine which i dunno why and how?veri drained n exhausted..i mus focus dats all i can say...
i guess ive gtta bear with these!all will be over!n i shall pray hard to god that i will be blessed!
pressurized to perform, to do well, to maintain my grades..at least all Bs!

not a good daughter, a substandard sister, not up to standard fran, a poor leader, a lousy person..

maybe lyk wad dey sae..im nothing but jus a bimbo..an airhead..a bitch?

so whus joleen?an empty shell whus jus dere to mug, to chiong projs n presentations..aimless..a worry freak...screwed up n stressed up!!

an eventful day!

yesterday was FUN!

wanna thANK MY NBS FOC BABES N DUDES:

huishan
melissa
joey
kit
edmund
alvin
delvin AND

my SeNIOR CGL:

YONGXIANG

for celebrating w me in SCH!!
we went to our sch's cafe, ALFRESCO..haha..if only we cn go somewhere betta:P hope u peeps din mind the food yeah?and thanks a lot for the NIKE TOTE BAG!!luf it as well!!COX ITS PINK N ITS BIG ENUFF FOR ME TO stuff alot of things!!thanks alot realli!!haha..now suddenly me haf 2 PINK BAGS!thanks realli!!

special thanks to HUISHAN N MELISSA for the $50 MAngo voucher!it was realli unexpected!!u gers realli shudnt haf spent the additional money!!hmm..after exams we shall go shop k??:) AHHH...CANT WAIT

n wanna thank Danny too!thanks for sharing the prezzie though u cun mk it ytd for lunch:) next time treat u when we meet k?ur bdae is cming too:)

went crystal jade with my family at night..felt weird cox i dun haf the habit for dinner..but its alritex once in a while for my family..tink ordered a bit too much but the food was nonetheless great!!hope my family did enjoy it!!tink my 2 sis realli did n dey cun actually indulge themselves in more new-zealand ice-cream!!haha..kudos to em!!

was super weary ytd, did nothing when i finally cm hm aft dinner. slept super early lyk 2310!!wahs!NICE!!wk up to see 9 birthday MESSAGES!!haha..n the earliest was at 2159!wah n his was at 0000h..wah..gt more timely but i was fast fast aslp in ly lala land:)thanks for all whu msged me till now..1121h, 28th MAR

dey r(acc. to time):
1) wanyu
2) stanley
3) kang jian
4) jeremiah
5) yingni!!
6) daphne
7) danny
8) charmaine
9) yongjie
10) melissa!!
11) teck seng
12) weinee!!
13) zhiwei
14) yiting!!!
15) zhixian(surprised!)

as of 2316h...
16) jingxian
17) yanshan
18) edmund
19) felix
20) clarence
21) jonathan
22) ginny

as of 1320h 29th march
23)charmx
24)joyce

and of cox to all my celebrators!!!

thanks dearies!!!

okie..gtta go prep for tmr's presentations!!

feeling happy and felt the warmth:) thanks alot realli!!huggies!!!

(guess wun receive any wishes frm u again..its alritex..cox ive others whu care:)

ThankS 11TH CT coUNCil!!!

heyhey!!

FIRSTLY!!i wanna saY A bIG BIG THANK YOU TO
Vonnie
Lin
clarence
darius
zhenhao
marcus
yiwen AND
Emma!!!

thanks a lot for cming down last fri for the dinner!!hope u peeps enjoy it!it had realli been awhile since we had such a relaxed gathering over dinner!!:) really missed those days! and ya..i love the adidas bag too!!thanks alot!!so PRETTY!!haha
and sorry von n clarence for causing u 2 to run ard to look for it:( i can sae nothing more but thanks!!the most plus another hug k??haha

the movie was not too bad considering that me slept for almost half of it!haha..but 1 thing i cun stand bt it was dat its real noisy lahs!!nearly becm deaf cox of the sound effects mans!n i dun lyk the mask!!so ugly!haha..but the story was good as in at least me gt the pt of the show..still not too bad at least din waste money!sorry was too slpy alr cun help but jus concuss!!n vonnie its alrite to wake me up but yet again so paiseh to jus fall bk to slp again!haha

thanks zhenhao for driving me home and clarence for accompanying bk home:)

this goona be the last to stay out till 4am!!gtting hell frm my mummy..but oh well i truly understand that its becox she cares!yah im 21 and shant and musnt let u worry!!lyk wat ive said all act. will end by 7pm if nt latest 8pm n ill be at home!no more night outings for me:) its alrights lahs..so next time try not to jio me at night or late evening k?else haf limited time to meet:)

im so happy though haf 4 more pres to go!
next weds ge pres is still alritex not so stressful!
im hafing headache over my 20% bix comm final presentation!!haven gtten a superb idea n topic to present on!!gtta settle it by today sia!!
glad that i was dn w a chapter of my mktg!!ya 1 out of 16!!i shall kempate n warm up my mugging engine!!!hope wed will cm quickly so will be left w 2 more pres onli!!urghh..

looking fwd to mon cox gt 2 treats..one in the afternn in sch alfresco with men n huishan(hey melmel!if the rest r free do ask em alg too k?)n my family at night at parkway's crystal jade:)

hmm..decided to forsake one of my tutees cox im super pissed w her for nt doing wad ive asked her to..mb since shes onli p1 she doesnt noe the importance of studying!tink wad made it worse is that her parents cun care much bt her n her sis too!i rather forgo the 130 bucks in exchange for more time to mug and rest then to spend on a kid who always upsets me..sighh..im always gt veri worked up and emotional when i teach younger children..dey dun learn on their own..cant spell..cant read..i pity em but i cnt help much..im not adding value to her n i jus feel so useless for not doing so..im sorrie wensi..
so effectively left w 2 kids the cleverer ones!i mean yah..dey r older n understd wat im teaching:) *beaming*..i shant n isnt capable of being a teacher lahs..haha..todays gonna be the last day of her tuition n im freed!irresponsible u may tink but ill rather that she go find another tutor whu can help her than me!this means that ive more time to study for my cming exams!!mus mk good use of them!!

really cant wait for exams to be over!actually im quite glad dat during this period im home:) though hafta go bk for jcrc internal concensus stuff..i chose not to!cox mon: dinner w family
tue?:my bdae!ellos u tink ill be in hall?no no!!moreover gtta prep fpr weds presentations so no way!!
wed: home too cox mtg vonnie to teach her makeup in town!
thurs will be in hall cox fri has 830 am co. law tut
and den off hall ill be!!!
hahas..felix saes pple enjoy staying in hall cox its in school n its great to relax and stuff and for me its totally the opposite!
yah..always tinking of gg home

oh ya toking bt felix..wanna thank u in advance for agreeing to help wif the deconflict of the internal concensus for gals on tuesday..thanks FELIX!haha..though u dun haf my link but its alrights

alot of peeps do help me alot in hall and in sch:)

wanna thank mel and huishan for being my bestest pals in ntu!!
wanna thank mel for helping me thru this sem!!
wanna thank yj for always helping me to carry things if we happen to go home tgt and esp when mes carrying tons of things and
wanna thank u for listening to my crap!
wanna thank my ntu ktv khakis too!!

hmm..alrights betta go do up the slides for my ge pres!!

imposing my own curfew!

waiting for my hair to dry and oso to pass time so me cn wake her up at 3am..

wah..super tired!!

jus had a 6hrs ktv marathon at clementi's KTV with yj, felix, wy n ls!!haha..quite fun though esp twds the end when all of us jus simply drp dead!all the wae frm 730 to 1am!!hw cn it be not tired ritex!moreover, woke up this morn at 6am to finish my tut for tmrs 830's co. law.

yawns..:(

ktv was alrights though it was long..actually nt too bad lahs..jus dat i cnt mike hog..haha..meimei!i miss k-ing w u!!seriously the magically no. for ktv shld be 4 more than dat?ielse it is really jus sitting dn n listening...nt very worth the $ to pay n sit n listen!dats not k-ing!!n we were saeing that at least the 2 boys were not too bad..of cox felix is zai!choir boy!!yj not too bad lahs..at least can fig out wads hes singing:)

left w 4 pres!finally n ive to complete them asap!n start on my exams!!!alas!freaking out real soon!

gg to mis frm hall except thurs next week cox hafta go for tut on fri!great!!

im imposing a curfew at 7pm for myself..i jus feel so unsafe when im outside when its dark.im paranoid i noe.its really scary esp when i had to mmet a weirdo whu again attempted to ask for my no. on the bus dat dae when i was on my wae home aft shopping w my sis in orchard.ellos tk a look at urself heh!!ask for my no.?im a bitch!!bcming more lyk one sia!!i mean cfm!!but oh pls!!cun be bothered n nearly wanted to jus alight n tk another bus/cab bk home!!get a life and stay clear!!!
i dun gif a damn to strangers!deperados!!!im nt an easy gal whu distributes my no hors!!looks whu u r toking to!!urghh!!

happy dat we had done the ura pres..tink alrights lahs..
tinking of wad lessons to pon alr!!but tink qutie hard cox lyk all pres n mus go!sheesh!!

tmr is the start of my bdae treats..haha..ctc first celeb tgt with emma:)
but the timing has been shifted..ive gtta go off at 10pm cox its simply too unsafe n i dun feel secure to go home a night..scared out of my life mans..hmm..shall leave earli..luckily mels n hs treat r is in the day..phew!!

not that i dun wanna stay in hall..nt dat i dun wan hall peeps to celeb w me..i jus dun wanna be in hall..furthermore..jus fd out dat me as a JCRC cant ret rm n haf to WASTE 200 bucks on the room w/o staying!wad kinda thing is this!!sucks lorhs!waste my money!!!

real slpy now!!

yeah will gt my necklace frm mummy on mum!!heehee..cant wait for my birkies too!

inspired!

jus completed my ge- creative thinking report as well as the writeup for the other ge-urban planning..wondering y in the first place i took up the creative thinking course..nt even creative enuff lorhs..sigh..i jus wanna clear them quick!!haha

feeling great dat i cleared 2 presentations today and ive another one on thurs followed by 2 each for the cming to 2 weeks!faints ive gtta quickly start on my studying for my exams starting on the 18th april..freaking myself again!but the more peaceful life of having a 3 mth break of PA and fun really perk me up yeah!
wanna it to be over soon!!

currently browsing thru this site www.baumhouse.com for a pair of birks..its the in thing now n i wanna own a pair too!haha..me and my frans are gg to order tgt to make up the numbers for free delivery!great..there are so many designs dat im so confused and din noe wad to choose!haha..basically im onli looking at the style as for the colours will be cfm those cheerful bright and attract attention kind!as usual ritex!it is cfm cheaper to gt a pair this way ard 60 to 75 dollars for the slip-ons..though its really cheaper but ive never bot a pair of slippers at such a high price before!ill jus treat it as a gift for myself for my cming bdae..gtting alot of things for myself these days..last thurs i bot a puremilk skirt at 39.9..tmr im gg mango to look out for dat skirt again..or mb i shld but frm mickey industrial ltd instead..needa gt another presentation top!predicting mes gg to be broke real real soon!

cant wait to go ktv with felix, yj,ls and wy this thurs after sch at 630pm!im so so super duper excited to go!jus cnt wait yeah?not as if ive been ktvin w yj and felix but the thot of immersing myself in songs after songs jus make me feel so blessed!im veri happy!everytime when i see pple perform on stage im veri envious..i haf my dream a dream to perform for everyone..to sing for everyone..yah dats a dream..with all the superidol,superstar and school idol competitions gg on..haha..i shall train hard sia!cfm!

hmm..tink i shld slp alr..timecheck 2.15am!haha..tmr no sch n im at home!yeah!gtta finish reading my co law tmr morn and my ura presentation slides bfore gg out tmr!:)

nitex peeps!

freed frm it!

yah i can sae dat im 95% freed frm it!haha..dats good news though..ytd was the last event n FINALLY!woosh!

went shopping w shans ytd n bot a new shirt for presentation and a pmk denim skirt..din wanna gt dat actually but paiseh went in to try on so many..din buy a bit..nvm in nid of skirts oso..

think aft slping feeling much better..tink the exam stress is cming bk again..gtta do so mani things within a weekend..cnt wait for the next 2 weeks to be over den i can jus stay at home n mug dat means missing n poning sch!no choice..haven started at all sia!worried..

trying to org a ktv w yj n felix n some mayfairies den turn out so messy!ughh!time clash n stuff so pek cek!nt really willing to go at nitex though..sians..but wad to do i jio den mus tidy up the mess..:(

haha..good thing is yongxiangs jioin too!remember that senior whu sang veri well?haha..he said ytd dat hes freer aft next fri n jioin to go ktv next next again!yeah!ktv is my ultimate way to destress!:)

after exams im jus gg spend my time slping..

im alritex yeah?thanks for msn-in me ytd..jus the usual breakdown i guess..din reply cox i was alr aslp:)meet up w ya soon...

shanx ting n charmx:if ya r reading..we wun be mtg on 31st mar alr:)
jus meet up after shanx trip in june bahs:)
btw me has rearranged my plans alr..so i guess not much time to meet up real soon..so ill cya after exams in june?
good luck n ill miss u babes!

gg to rush for my 830am lesson nw:) tata

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i dun understand why im so motivated these days:) jus feeling veri inspired..by wad?i dunno..i always have a dream since young..a dream to succeed to be well known..i dunno y..haha..

exams r cming in 4 weeks' time n im still doing my presentations!had one this morn, will haf 3 next week and 4 on the following!alas!thats week 13 n all have to fall on my bdae week!wad the hell!haha...but nvm..lyk wad my senior said:'after all the presentations u r onli left with 50% to mug for exams!' thats true in a sense cox nbs focuses alot on projs n presentations..yah..n i tink im pretty lucky to haf exams on 3 core n dey r all open book!so jus gtta read thru the materials, understd n org the data n dere!im in e exam hall! worried bt my creative ge though..cox im not creative at all!alas..!guess gtta try my best to pass that n next sem onli left to clesr 2!den my last sem of my uni life will be so so slack!haha..

jus completed my slides for mon's marketing presentation!2 more to prepare!n im gg to start on the other after blogging:) hardwrking hors!haha..i tink its coz i gtta finish everythg so i can use my weekends to complete another 2 more pres and 2 tuts!n as usual tuitions!dere goes my weekends!haha...

im veri excited as im typing cox tmr after my ge field trip to jurg island im gg to meet up with yanshan!so happy u noe!i cant wait to meet up with her!we r all so busy!n mtg up is jus so difficult unlike the past!heehee..cant wait to be immersed in prchard rd again!and of cox!in orchard means to shp!gtta buy two formal shirts for pres cox currently onli haf 2..sighh..this course cfm 'sucked' away my hard earn $ sia!PA cming and its gonna be worse!cox hafta buy more formal clothes, shoes, bags..alas!wads these mans!

nvm..shant tink so far!tmr gtting my mineral makeup which i ordered w shanx n a few of her frans frm us..haha..so interesting..n guess wad dey onli cost $21.45. hmm..dey r samples lahs dats y cheaper..haha..
one thing bt tmr is that ive to cm bk to hall still for this sems' final event!final year nitex for the seniors..a nite for the final yr seniors to enjoy, eat, gather feel appreciated..tink me wun be able to haf a feel of this nitex next yr as im mving out..feeling a bit sad here i noe..however, eventually me gtta leave wads..so its alritex..

ive decided to save the $ frm hostel fees for my grad trip which i hope to haf one!ive promised my younger sis that ill be accompanying her on an overseas trip to celebrate her 21dt bdae next june!so i mus fulfill it. she wans to go taiwan so i must tk nt of all the places if i go this july!n i really hope ctc will be gg!im so so lking fwd to it!n the best thing is that dere will be no amt deducted frm my PA's allowance!n jus heard that the govt is gifing out ERS this yr to residents whu r 21 frm april onwrds!woohoo!so IM ELIGIBLE!!this is great news sia!spare cash!oh yah i nearly forgt that i had to go for a portfolio shoot this june too!haha..

my og mates r so sweet dat i do feel guilty..esp. twds melissa..oh no..cox i forgt bt her bdae last yr!4th sept n forgt to wish her too!alas!blur me..last yr on my exact day the three of us went to a cafe in our sch- ALFRESCO for lunch n dey bought me a puremilk skirt. i lyk it a lot as im a skirt person..but the thing is that the skirt is so short that i seldom wear:( though its a pair of culottes i dun usually wear it cox its so short that my mummy cant help but comment..considering the reports on gals being raped by banglahs n such i betta be careful..gtting veri paranoid n will nt wanna go out at night..cox im scared to go hm once night falls..my neighbourhood is cfm unsafe with all those malays loitering ard...so scary!so really wun wanna stay out late realli unless no choice..so if i realli had to..u will see me scampering home as soon as i alighted frm the bus!so frightening..so my day ends at 7pm..n i wanna be at home!mb im jus scaring myself too much but i jus cant deny this fact..mb ive been hanging ard w melissa n shes another gal whus uncomfortable w gg home late!so weird i din haf this problem when i was in jc or a yr ago!

was super impressed by my senior that day after our ktv session at 2am..not onli did he drove us home..he even bothered to acc. me to the lift,waited for the lift with me and saw me into it den he went off to send xianhan n delvin home!so thoughtful!3 claps for u!yongxiang!hmm..i cannt stop but emphasize that im extremely impressed!yah i dunno wad other adjs to describe mans!jus so.. IMPres..haha

going back to the topic again..haha..lking fwd to next fri cox by den i will ONLI haf 4 pres left..haha..m i consoling myself?hahas..
next fri 24th march, me n emma will be mtg the councilors for dinner..yah dinner contradictory ritex..i wld prefer lunch actually but gt lect till 430:( so hw?no choice mahs..haha..
and den cmes my bdae week!haha..den after?exams lahs!sians..
mb cox its the 21st bdae dats y suddenly lyk veri happening..so here goes my prog!

24th fri: treat with councilors at changing appetite, marina sq, 7pm
27th mon: lunch- treat with huishan n mel, alfresco(NTU), 1230pm
dinner- treat with family, crysal jade kitchen, parkway parade, 8pm
*28th* tues: sleep at home and mug and prepare for wed's presentation
29th wed: treat with ***( dunno if i can sae or nt so ive decided to *** ur name:)), sizzler, suntec city, 130pm
31st fri: treat w yanshanx,yiting and charamine (tk n vj), waraku jap restaurant, marina sq, 7pm

haha..rather packed sia..i bad thing!all these treats will definitely mk me fat!yucks!so ill haf to noe wad im gg to do bfore them!:p being a gal is so troublesm yeah?haha

hmm..ill end off with my updated(last amended 17th march) wishlist!haha..

1) nike/adidas sports bra(orange?pink?purple?)
2) working bag(brown/black/cream?(white will gt dirted:()
3) nike/adidas/puma going out cum school bag(bright colours:))
4) mango denim short skirt(not too short though:))
5) denim skirt frm mickey industries ltd:)
6) a pair of Birkenstock's slipper(flap kind)
7) working jacket( blazer lk-alike frm osmose?iora?)
8) a personal portfolio(self-sponsored)
9) vouchers for apparels/sports wear/bags/shoes/shirts frm g2000, URS,Zara,mickey industries?
10)digicam!haha..(forgt bt this!saving up for this!)

thanks MUMMY!

i wanna thank my MUMMY!yah my REAL MUMMY!(haha..haf two other fake mums in sch so mus dble specify!)mummy bot me a 21st bdae silver necklace!haha..SURPRISE SURPRISE!haha..me mus admit dat im nt an accessories person..the fuss and everything ..wear em n den mus remove!so troublesm!however, me mus mk it a point to wear it cox its frm my mum!its a necklace w a pendant in the shape of a key!haha.. n with a small 21 on it!pretty!:)

ytd went to my 3rd 21st bade party of the year..dis time rd is my og mate's!shes gorgeous mans..with the tube dress and makeup!haha..saw chris again( the ex ctc who went to tj aft 3 mths..still cnt fig out wads his chinese name!haha)..went w mel, delvin, alvin, xiaohan and our beloved and super-onx senior yongxiang!haha..gg frm sch to loyang aloha was jus so far and crazi lahs!luckily yongxiang drove us dere with a 1.5hr stopover at eastpt for him to meet his fran den we set out to loyang at ard 7pm in his mini van..!quite fun though..his van is quite cool sia!not that kind driven by uncles!trust me!haha..
as usual parties r still parties..entertained ourselves and had fun i guess..i mean hafing been to three wad more can u expect?its the usual buffet den sit ard and maken..tok and den cake cutting..hangard smmore den try to mk our wae home..its gttting a bit dry i feel..
fortunately mes not hafing one else tink ill be bored to death bfore my guests r!

read a few blogs bfore deciding to blog now..tink its my hectic schedule dat disallowed me to meet up n participate in the many gatherings my pals had organised..keep hafin the feeling that im drifting apart frm u peeps..mb dats y im nt included in the group..mb dats y im forgtten sometimes or all the time..mb im tinking to much but i cant help it cox i cnt deny dat im nt affected after reading that entry..mb im putting too much into franships dat are jus nt appreciated..i dunno..its jus so disappointing yeah?tinking for frans all the while has caused me to becm a bit exhausted overtime..sometimes i do hope some of the efforts r reciprocated..mb there were instances..mb when dere were but i din realised..sighh..nvm i shant make a mountain out of a molehill..its undeniably saddening..dats wad i can say bt my current feeling as im typing:)

went ktv after joey's party ytd!again it was yongxiang whu drove us all the way frm aloha to katong shpping complex for a 2 hrs sessions starting frm 12am:)finally gtta sing..only me xiaohan yx n delvin went..it was short but enjoyable i can say given the short session..not too bad at least it satisfied a quarter of my craving?or mb half?nearly fell aslp while singing sia!n xh nv sing at all!aiyos she went to listen to us sing!oh no..in the end the 3 of us paid on her behalf!mb next time if we haf a chance to go sing k with u clarence we pay for urs too!
was really impressed w yx's singing!hes was frm RI n VJ choir n though hes so aimoh-ish hes also conversant in mandarin!mus realli listen to him when he sings!oh mans..heart melts sia!realli nice!we sang duets!he harmonised well too!senior!u r my idol!haha..delvin wasnt bad too his rendition of jay n lee hon wasnt bad either..xh din wanna sing so dat means the 4 to 5 duets me sang all of them!i lyk bei feng chui guo de xia tian my cox was hafing sorethroat so din sing well:)yx n delvin!thanks for the compliment!u two sang well too!haha..its seems dat im eaily impressed by guys whu can sing well and r talented culturally!!cfmed..haha
my love for singing has been nurtured since young i guess.my parents and family r all music freaks..counting the nos. of hokkien cds and mb a few madarin ones bot by my parents will jus mk u wanna puke..nt mentioning me n my younger sis..n my youngest sis is currently in choir!tink shes enjoying it!n i hope thru choir it will mk her more daring n wanna perform more!
tink my confidence picked up aft joining choir in hall 3..its of cox a diff feeling when u sing in a choir and when ktv-in..but tink its more or less a confidence booster in a sense..never thot me can perform on stage..never thot of even acting in hall's production for 2 consecutive yrs..though nt the leading roles im more than satisfied yeah?i lyk the makeover as in the makeup..it will be better if they arent so thick!haha..so happy dat im gg to gt my mineral mkup set which ive ordered frm UK with shans!n cant wait to see u on thurs dear!!
i jus simply cant pen down my current feelings as in mb im jus bk to my old self as in less problems(or issit im jus cnt be bothered animore) mb in this way i can focus more on studies.dats good!i dun mind though..
exams r cming n its a period of immense n intense stress again 5 more weeks to them n 7 more to my freedom!bfore all these ive to conquer all my projects in these 2 weeks!all will end in week 13 n nw we r starting the 11th week!till nw ive comppleted one!one miserable but tedious one!yah...
im seeking inner peace so i cn jus concentrate..problems relating to hall, pple frans can wait..my results cnt be compromised!my aim:AABB for core n hope to gt 2Bs for GE:)
im more or less lking fwd to 23rd/24th, 27th, 29th n 31st of this mth..i dunno if dey will be fun..hopefully..hope it wun be a chore for my frans..n on dat day itself im gg sleep my day away as im so slp deprived!haha!
hoping to go ktv again soon!bfore my exams n bfore all the exam tensions build up..

finally! u got wad i mean:)

finally he gt wad i mean..finally he gt it thru..finally he woke up frm his dreams..
i feel glad for u..yah..we can jus be frans..so treasure this franship yeah?

dunno y i can be so calm as to ok to him for the past half hr at least..mb its cox im sick..so gt no energy to feel worried or anythg...i wanna thank u for bringing this piece of news for me..thanks alot..though ive let u noe for the past yrs i hope this franship will be better off for u:)

go into uni n noe more gals..u will find betta ones whu will reciprocate ur love..im jus nt the one:)

thanks again!

let a lot of peeps down..rejected em too..nt ready is wad i can sae..nt suitable is another reason..jus tink it will be impossible..im nt dat kind whu can gif my heart to anione..jus not so..i dun wish to hurt u if i tink we will end up parting..wads the point? betta be frans den nothing ritex?

im picky?yah i am..mb i tink too highly of myself which i hate to admit..really..joleen's a bitch!cfm!
firstly its bt the height..next its bt the looks..yah im shallow!(hate to admit this too) den its the feeling..till now no one has given me the ease uve provided..yah..trying hard to be less critical..yah..TRYING is the wrd..ill compromise but doubt much..

ive cm to realise that being frans is much easier..hate pple w motives..hate pple whu try so hard to please u jus to make u lyk em..im sorrie..jus CMI!dun try to pls me or mk me happy by asking me if i wan supper if i wan dinner if i wanna go eat this or that..ellos!wrg tactics lahs..lyk wad my freshies wanying n weijuan said dat dae:)jus so wrg!
but no matter wad method..once u r on my franship ladder u r on it!dun nid to try too hard yeah..?frans is a betta option for u..rem: dun wanna hurt u all..but it seems as if u all r hurt when the ans is no..no and no..ive nothing to say other den im sorry..dats insufficient to mend the damage..but i really dun mean it as in wad more can i sae? say: i cant guarantee anythg..we cn be tgt but its at ur own risk? oh mans!dats ultimate bitch mans!joleen's nt lyk this!im not..so u all gtta understand yeah?

now my focus is to gt thru the period n prepare for exams!clear my prof attachment settle my remaining hall camp stuff n duties when e new acad term starts..den out of hall:)

compiled wishlist:
1) nike/adidas sports bra
2) working bag
3) leather wallet
4) nike/adidas/puma going out cum school bag
5) zara denim short skirt
6) denim jacket
7) a personal portfolio
8) (dun mind) vouchers for apparels/sports wear/bags/shoes/shirts frm g2000?

*mummy is gtting a necklace for me!yeah!thanks mum!!*

no time for myself n family..sighh

im so drained jus so drained off energy..so caught up w lots wrk dat i jus wanna break free frm hall frm sch!gg home is jus so stressful!cox going home means weekends meaning i ve to go gif tuitions..6 sessions in 2 days 9hrs..its hell cfm!but ive gt no choice..

time check:7.55pm
gtta meet for nitex cycling briefing for jcrc at 830pm..i tried to nap for at least 45 mins but i cun..i slpt this afternn alr..but i jus cnt gt to slp though im tired..so thot of blogging. tmr will cfm be worse cox e event will end at 5am n ive to be bk hm quite to slp n tuition will start at 11am n end at 6pm..den hafta complete my proj at night else ill sure die..
feeling veri guilty cox din really contribute alot n worse still im the leader..alas..wad kind of leader is this?im jus shit lahs!dey r in hall 16 now but cun join em cox of the event..was lost in the discussion ytd..feeling so useless..i must finish my parts by sun morn!cfm!

i dunno if ive regretted wad ive chosen to be wad i m now..as in yah today..i may seem as if im shining in most aspects but i tink i din in terms of fulfilling my duties as a good daughter n a sister. devoting n channelling my time in hall makes me less able to be at home..at means tuition means hotel den off ill be bk in hall again..not dat i dislike hall life after staying for 2 yrs..its jus so many things to do..tink i brought it upon myself..whu asked me to be so involved till im in it!i complain alot..i noe..but other than blogging down ive no time to complain to animore no time to do lotsa things..whenever im bk in my room im chionging tuts..doing projs..if nt u will see me ard the hall fulfilling duties and sometimes socialising 'unnecessarily'. wad kind of life is this? if nt u will find me slping in my room and waking up to mug again..den lessons..tink im jus too packed..

i jus feel lyk switching off my phone and pulling my comp netwrk so dat i can be isolated from everyone except myself n family and friends..
jus gt my CCA results..it wld be a pity if i dun stay but the thot of everything for another year is killing me and the price of cox..i can definitely make better use of them!

one good news for the week:
i gt selected for professional attachment in Ernst and Young dis coming may n july.my good fran in ntu melissa gt in too!so as least gt companion!hope vonnie can gt in too!dear von!hope to cya dere k?

sometimes i wonder if ill be happier wrking den studying..i dunno..

im jus someone who walks ard feelingless..i stone too..most of the time i guess.small happenings may perk me up as n when..mtg up wif close frans n toking to my meimei and mum definitely will be consoling..but i realised all dese cn be done onli if i move home..if i move back ill haf a yr to do so..if nt?its a zero chance..no chance of me doing this cox once i enter the wrk force dats it..worse..

blogging heals the soul lyk wad i had mentioned bfore..on the other hand blogging makes pple ponder, wonder...affects the emotions of readers..im sorry if reading mine has inflicted pain in u..has caused unncessary troubles for you, has caused u worries..ill be a responsible blogger..which means ive to filter my thots and wadever i will blog amts to wad i can blog which means to a certain extent i cnt blog some stuff..ive lost my freedom to express my true emotions even w this last mean...

gtg n sit in the lorry/car to watch the peeps bike!i cld jus use the time to slp n do wrk..its jus another 'social gathering' which im responsible for

one more item:A GOING OUT CUM SCHOOL BAG