u aint worth the tears

slept at 4.15am and now im awake at 7.38am..
wanted to sleep more but thot i shuld blog instead..

im tired but i tink if i were to go back i cant slept either..or ill jus oversleep cox i gtta wake up at 830am aniwae to meet mel for subject reg. at 930am

mtg charmaine ltr!hee..finally mtg her and YESH! passing her her prezzie which i bot 1 mth bfore xmas and now its lyk xmas' over...yah..

my room is quiet now only the sds of morning crickets outside...

if only i din wake up and read the msges..if only i din saw him online ytd..it felt so familiar yet so distant..couldnt really reply his msn msges properly as i was chatting with my freshie frm 12 odd to 4 odd..yah..in my room..

im blessed with a lot of things..its only when it comes to this issue dat im lyk
thrown apart..

it was a msg which was super long..had to clear 3 of my xmas greeting msges bfore me could read the entire one..

'whus the boy whu made u cry?'
i couldnt sae hes you..

'you still haven told me whu made ya cry?'
i really cant tell ya hes you..

'hw cn ya not tell me somethings?'
cox ya r simply him..

its been a long time since i last thot of him..was on the bus home the day before when the nostalgia came and was relishing those moments..tears whelmed but i didnt tear..i was strong..i din wan to tear and i thot that u really aint worth the tears..

din noe u went taiwan..im sorry i thot u forgt bt things or to be direct forgt that u haf a mei..yah..im sorry..

lyk i say if ya were to disappear it may be easier for me to gt over things..nw uve made things harder for me again..i mean yeah..things can be changed but not the memories..

i hate to tear but ur msges made me so..jus so..i haf weakened..retreated frm my battle..but im nt withdrawing..yah great that u r gg off for an exchange..dat will be a piece off my mind..im not sure..mayb u will cm bk will more gals or shld i sae new gals..im caring less..

suddenly fel lyk slping again..its okie that u din gt to wish me merry xmas..i had a lonely xmas eve walking dn orchard rd...its alrite u cnt meet me bfore u leave..i tink its better that we dun meet..its alrite that u dunno whus the boy..its no big deal..its okie that u dont noe hw things r on my side..i dun blame you..its alrite not to bring bk anw presents..cox u never did..its okie that u r busy w lotsa stuff..its typical you...its okie that u dun fulfill wad ya promise..cox u seldom did..

ive survived the last few mths and im sure i cn win the battle in the months to come..'promise ya to work hard and be good?'..of cox ill do that but thats nt a promise to you..its wad i as my parents' daughter must do..n its wad im suppose and will do..

i will not promise ya anything cox i...

nvm..running out of thoughts..but i noe this msg is for me to keep for the mths to cm..its one which will bring bk the memories..the sadness..his happiness..his words..his wishes..mb i shld jus delete..mb not..mb delte ltr?i dunno..

enuff..im gg to nap for another 15 mins mans..tired alr..

where r u xmas?

im now slacking un my room..falling asleep soon..so i gtta quickly blog wadever is on my mind!haha

these 3 days have been rather fulfilling i tink..actually i cant actually recall what happened on mon..orhh!i remember!had hall's xmas party on mon's nitex..den ytd was..hmm..(pausing to tink hard again
orhh..had rehearsal for my hall's special project..at least dey saed i improved on my bitchy self!haha..dunno whether dats gd news or bad!haha
den supported takraw n we won!next was caroling at jurong pt n off to CTC chalet at pasir ris park!!haha..thanks CLARENCE!!thanks alot for booking the place yeah!!so sorrie cnt join u peeps on the first day however felt veri relaxed when i was dere as in back with familiar pple n with frans whom ive known for 4 years?wow!dats lyk hw fast ritex?heehee
rushed back to sch for carom umpiring den off to JP to carol again..great!we r left with 2 days of caroling 3 places n dats the end for this year's caroling session!heehee..hw nice!

wasd toking to von on the train back to school..its been so long so long since weve met and toked..hw nice if we cn meet up more often yeah?

xmas is here but i dun realli feel the mood!where r u xmas?

these few days gonna be lyk feasting so me gtta be careful of wad im ordering..one meal per day..starting tmr!!
tmr's mtg shanx, tingx n charms..hope we cn gt seats at swensens..den fri shld be gg for xmas party den sat mtg w ctc at sizzler n next week mtg w charmaine still tinking of where we shld go..n heys ur prezzie is rotting alr lahs!!haha..all these feasting will cfm make me grow fatter!urghh!no no no!!

MY FOREVER DIET PLAN!!!
haha..kkie tmr gtta wk up early again n its gonna be an exciting weekend ahead!heehee
COOL!!
haf fun n MERRY MERRY XMAS DEAR ALL!!

mes a 'bitch'

mes a bitch mes a bitch..a bitch a bitch and a bitch...

this is wad i mus haf in mind frm nw till the feb 24 n 25!
yah!mus act as a highclass snobbish rich educated curt BITCH!!

really tough man!
n im really feeling the stress!the stress!the lines n the expressions actions..wah!!
a bitch is no joke..really hafta put in a lot of effort n..yah let go!let go..thrw face!no face!
but yah ive restrictions..i tink im no aftall nt a bitch..i tink..i mean if ya tink otherwise u cn let me noe..

a bitch..alas..i will hafta chant n chant so dat it will be ingrainrd into me!!

I AM A BITCH!!

in hall again!

yah dis is the 2nd consecutive sat which im in hall!
todae is sheares hall exchange..last was Past n present..N next week will be another cox fri gt the co.'s DnD..wah!hw 'nice' ritex?

alas..wanna blog this down 'chopchop'

will be super busy dis cming n next week w caroling n hall..so cnt really go out..n CT chalet is cming..die me jus cnt fig out hw to shuffle here n dere...n i foresee myself dying..alas..tink i cnt make it..sianx...gt carrom to umpire in the day for 3 days n nitexS?carol!alas!hw hw??die die..

urghh n den frm the 23rd?

MOVE hall!aiyos..all the wae to the 28th..wad the HELL!!!

btw m lking fwd to my highlighted hair..haha

in hall on a sat morn!

yah dis is the 2nd consecutive sat which im in hall!
todae is sheares hall exchange..last was Past n present..N next week will be another cox fri gt the co.'s DnD..wah!hw 'nice' ritex?

alas..wanna blog this down 'chopchop'

will be super busy dis cming n next week w caroling n hall..so cnt really go out..n CT chalet is cming..die me jus cnt fig out hw to shuffle here n dere...n i foresee myself dying..alas..tink i cnt make it..sianx...gt carrom to umpire in the day for 3 days n nitexS?carol!alas!hw hw??die die..

urghh n den frm the 23rd?

MOVE hall!aiyos..all the wae to the 28th..wad the HELL!!!

btw m lking fwd to my highlighted hair..haha

left w no choice!

no wonder people say its needless to think so much for the future..sometimes preparing ahead will actually be fruitless..the efforts will go down the drain..when it comes it comes...and it WILL come no matter how we try to stop it!no nid to stop or do further..it is just our fate!

yah..i cant say wad happened as yet coz of politics..yah..
after the release of the news i can safely blog it down..

so i guess we've to really treasure the present, reminisce the past and maybe pray for the future?

wad future are we toking abt?theres no future for us to think about alr..in less than a years time..everything will be in memory and YES!in order to paint a better future i musnt slack now!
its different..i used to hate it to loathe it to complain bt it..but now..a sense of sadness is settling in..slowly n slowly..BUT im sure we r gg to do our best to keep the present n inspire the rest..hw much inspiration?
i do not noe..i jus noe that ive my duties to fulfill..live n cherish watever i haf now..

emotional?yah i am..tgt w the rest..i will be stronger..memories will always be dee no matter hw we try to avoid hw to forget..till den my heart will be sinking...but we will SURVIVE!!