bloody

cant remember wad exactly caused me to haf sorethroat..now im lyk coughing blood!alas..despite all the liang teh,sorethroat pills etc..sighh..
nonetheless i went kbox today..now my throat is really feeling bad, can feel the heat in my throat..the burning feeling..urghh..mb its a blessing in disguise..nid nt cheer during halll camp next week..den gear up for ktv w huishan n kangjian..hey mel wanna come alg oso?plan: 11-2pm kbox at parkway parade after dat..blading at east coast park!haha..so me gtta protect my voice!!

todays kbox session aint exactly as fun as ive thot..first my fran was late!even later than me..sianx..i did mention dat i dun realli like guys to be late..okie its again a guy gal thing..yah..trying to bitch again..to complain again..haha..hey dude luckily me aint ur gf..haha..so ended up waiting for him:( den gt a rm which is too big for 2 peeps..n the food aint tempting..suxs!walked ard marina sq den suntec after dat..quite sick of the places..dats y becm quite boring afterdat..sighh..if ya ask if i did enjoy myself not ill sae 55/100..ooppss!haha

oh yah a pt to note for GUYS!!!haha..actually can be applied to gers as well..
pls do not wear bermudas n slippers to shop!!n esp. w a ger ya?its quite unglam!dats how i feel..hm..at least wear jeans n shoes?more proper ritex?okie..im being picky here..at least this the minimum a guy shld be clad in be it gg out w ger/guy..so pls..think this is not too high an expectation i guess!

thanks for riding me home..its realli scary to be on a bike..this the second time im on ur bike n ill definitely be the last time!my mum will slaughter me!will disown me!will nag at me!will jus be exremely disappointed in me!will lose trust in me if she were to find out!luckily mes safe n sound n living now..so charmaine me cnt ride on ur bike when u finally gt one as well:) but me noe u will gt ur licence soon!!oh yah mentioning bt charmaine..she has good dress sense mans!!u guys shld learn frm her!!haha

i dread gg bk to hall on sat!i realli dread it..thot camp will end on wed but me was wrg..jus realised i wld end on thurs morn!sian!!mummy!save me!im bk to my yr 1 days when im dreading hall camps!im well aware its diff. now cos as a leader in hall i mus set an example..but im realli exhausted frm all these!seriously speaking if me noe that by joining the comm. it will result in me irking hall life, i sldnt haf done so last yr!i shldnt!!i aint enjoying!i can sense my depression setting in again..i dont seem to noe hw to control hw im feeling..mb mes hafing split personality.mb i do nid some medical aid..yeah..

my hall senior is salvaging my lappie..tink hes still managing quite well w it..though he aint frm computer engine he tried to help me..im appreciative twds this gesture but i tink im screwed!i knew he wun be so nice to help me w/o condition..i nid help!i dun wanna go out one-on-one with him..its gonna b super awkward!pls can someone advise me wad to do..hw to reject n stuf?hmm..if i knew i wld haf sent it straight to 8 flags though me hafta pay for the repairs..sigh..its realli betta of than hafing to entertain him..guess me will ask yj to accompany me:p im seriously turned off by the idea of gg out w him..hw silly i can gt?!!urghh!i tink im jus stupid!!so stupid that even me cant std myself!

oh yah..thanks kh for accompanying me ytd:) thanks for driving me home as well..so far frm jurong:p thanks thanks!!

my tutee was so sweet..hafing known dat mes hafing sorethroat, he offered me a sorethroat candy during lesson ytd:) so nice of him to do so!haha..jus realised that hes hafing his prelims this cming week!n he had his oral prelims exam alr..told me he cld handle..phew!hmm..so this will be my excuse for skipping a day of my hall camp on sun!!tuition!!

not gg to care wad others sae..not wishing to hear wad others sae..not hoping to seek any understding..im gg to do wad i want..wad i realli enjoy..im sick..im tired..i jus wan my freedom n stop telling me that as a______ im SUPPOSE to_______. ive had enuf!!!u r driving me crazy!i cant breathe alr!im stressed!i nod the beach..the serenity in the morning..the breeze..these calming elements:)

understanding myself has become a chore

ivw cm to realise its true that dreams wun cm true..realli no matter hw hard i dream..wad i dream..it will nv come true..no wonder my mum told me not to daydream..not to set too high an expectation cox no one can match mine in reality!yah no..im afraid to fall in love..not that ive been in one bfore..its cox im afraid he aint the one..it has gt its ups n downs definitely..im jus afraid that it will be too painful..i dun wan my heart to ache..to bleed cox i dun wanna experience the healing process again

memories

was scrolling down my msges ytd night n saw his msg..nah not his but my jc fran..its been 2 yrs since i last saw him..though we nv arrange to meet up he will msg me on my birthday to wish me..its feels good hafing someone remembering ur bdae:)
actually i felt guilty..mb he said all those at the wrg time, he those when we were suppose to b busy with our A's preparation..wun noe if he was kidding den or not..i dunno..was flustered n i guessed i jus blurted out rubbish..i mean words of rejection..i din noe wad i was doing..it became awkward when we see each other in sch after dat..hes a talent..not veri well-liked but super smart..haha..an exercise freak jus lyk me n a basketballer?not veri zai though..dat was alr the past
i dun realli lyk to think of my past..it aint really glamourous..wad made me today has to really be attributed to my colourful secondary sch life!realli my good frans my teachers n im really glad that i was the chairman for a straight four yrs..then i found my confidence, trained myself to speak to the masses, to speak up etc. to be open-minded n make frans..im veri appreciative of those tk life n i really miss those days!
vj gv me a chance to mix ard with guys, it took me awhile to be comfy to tok to guys since ive been in gers sch for 10yrs n ive 2 sisters n my cousins r females too..gradually i gt more used to it n dey becm jus lyk my gal frans..haha..of cox us gers always go gaga tgt in the canteen over the pretty high profile bois
still remember my yr 1 days when i was really infatuated with the student's council head allan yue!haha..its so funnie..he was in 4/5 whilst me was in 4/4, one yr my senior!i respect him!hes not that good looking but i lyk his aura..his confidence n such..at that pt of time,i lyk guys whu has leadership abilities i guess..mb i still lyk?haha..cant stand myself even my frans were telling me he aint suai or anything jus a president..but whu cares ritex..ill jus gt embarrassed whenever hes ard..so silly!!so silly!!
when i entered uni..me guessed ive gotten over the rara phase..of cox over realli cute ones will be a bit off lahs..haha..mb as one saes as u gt older ull realise n mature?takin things easy..but my mummy aint..haha..my sis frans oso..hmm..so qi gua
haf been getting visitors these few days cox my sis frans cm to visit her since she cnt go out for weeks..dey r so entertaining!haha..im at home recovering from my fever n flu so its as if dey r here to visit me as well..haha..her frans ah..so when a bunch of gers get tgt the topic will definitely drift to bgr again..
so dey asked 'whus the guy whu scored 100 in ur list?' i said none..haha..90?80? den wad bt whu n whu?haha..my sis' frans ah..jus trying to dig out my affairs but its normal lahs..they r jus so cute..cute little gers:) so the topic revolves ard my standard their standards etc..haha..so lg as me aint attached this topic will always surface..haha

feeling veri depressed n deprived cox me cnt find a ktv khaki!!haven been to k for 2 weeks!urghh..hafta wait for my sis which will be next fri!i dun wan!!i wanna go..
cnt ask meimei cox she jus had her op
cant ask tingx shan n charms cox they dun like to sing
cant ask weinee cox ahes busy with her nus camp
cant ask zhiyu cox ahes in shanghai hafing her pa
cant ask yj cox he went tioman
cant ask felix cox dun dare n dunno if hes free
cant ask mel n shan cox dey dun k
cant ask von cox shes wrking at uob
cant ask zg cox he doesnt k oso
suddenly i feel dat i dun actually haf many frans oso..so sian..
mb frans whu share common interests..tink onli yj is the onli one whus willing to listen to my crap, my complaints, go window shop, go ktv, chat online..haha..

hall camp is starting this sat n im gg to MIA on sun to cm bk for tuition..haha..

din hafta go bk to sch to hand in report on wed since i can send in thru email..but me gtta do my fran a favour..din noe y i agreed to help him even when i noe theres a good chance that me cn send thru email..so weird..tink i owed him n his gf cox of the birkies..mb its cox hes quite nice to us during our mkting project..the leader so responsible n stuff..hes nice lahs dats wad i can sae..so in the end he drove his black madza frm bishan to my hse n passed me his report..was expecting his gf's too but there was onli his..guess its out of goodwill dat me agreed. furthermore hes gtta leave for bk this morn so guessed he was realli despo alr bahs?anw thanks for the pack of dumpling noodles which was gobbled up by my two sis!haha..hes a nice chap n mel n i used tok bt he n his gf..both rich n good looking..haha..mel u remember?

still hafing block nose..n its affecting my singing..very miserable..hafing sorethroat n also phlegm so it aint suitable for singing as well..so depressing..i hate to fall ill..i dun wanna be ill anymore..i cnt do the things which i like..ive gtta drink liang teh..yah i mus go gt liang teh

rasta, rioja, shiva, krrydis!!!

din see him at the camp eventually..tink god is on my side as well..haha..its god's will?maybe.

the past 2 days were eventful..so eventful dat im finally down with fever and flu..blocked nose n ears!haha..slpt the entire day today n im slpy again..waiting for the time to pass so that me cn take my next dose of medicine..sian..tmr mus still go gif tuition:(

it was fun gg bk as senior for the NBS camp..sort of regretted not gg bk earlier so i can gt to noe the freshies better!!wasted!haha..the gers r so young but some of them r so mature-looking!some even have attitude!ellos!no nid to attitude us lahs kids!!haha..we were so excited finding out whus the ger representing kyrrdis in this yr's pageant!haha tough fight!hopefully dey r sticking with duanjie..elegant looking i guess..oh well none of my business oso!

went bk with mel on wed for the perf..n was realli glad to see liying,sansan,danny,alvin,edmund,delvin,xiaohan,joseph and of cox our CGL yongxiang and grand seniors lydia n teckwee!!it was realli nice seeing all of them n i thot we enjoyed chatting n entertaining ourselves than watching the performances..onli paid attention to ours n cheering for em!n its cox of the continuous cheering that i had a bad sore throat afterdat!!nonetheless it was so fun so fun!!brought bk the times when i was still a freshie in the camp..though it was so tiring n shag..i had fun!!it was during then when i made many frans..did funnie stuff which me wun do usually..still remembered vividly that me liying n sansan bathed tgt to save time!haha..so funnie n me n liying were the first to wake up daily to put on our contacts n wash up cox we were the slowest!!haha..so funnie!we had fun for the last 2 days n it felt great toking to em..as if we were bk to those days!

the sp interaction night was hilarious!!the freshies were blindfolded n dey were suppose to talk to each other..some had interesting conversations n we as seniors simply stood beside em n eavesdropped!!haha..a lot of us went to disurb kim peng n his sp..damn fun!!cox hes the best looker in our grp..sighh..he was frm jjc..n dun realli lyk the wae he portryaed himself..so superficial n shallow..eekss..not my type so this is a typical case when looks aint everything!haha..

reached aranda at 3am after the sp interaction..haha..started our traffic light gm at ard 4/4+am..haha..only one of em is ever-green!the rest were all red before..haha..wad m i doing mans?haha..interesting to find out whus attached n whus not n this yrs was spread out quite evenly..yinghan was the highest scorer amgst the senior guys n of cox joy wasnt veri happy bt it haha..n yongxiang gt at least 3 votes too!dats good!tink me gt one but aint cfm cox was alr dozing off alr..haha..kelly was so nice to lend us his car n danny drove us out to gt a cab at 6+. me was home n immed. concussed at 7 n wk up at 10am..dazed!

went to meet mel at chinatwn at 1230pm..good to see huishan there!!!hey babe!lg time no see!n i lyk ur shorts!!so pretty wanted to gt the skirt but too short lahs!!cfm gt stoned to death if me were to buy!!haha..luckily me bot the liang teh n my sore throat gt betta!hee..wasnt as fun as compared to last yr n ended so early that we were alr bk in safra at 3pm!hengs im a senior else haf to play those gmes n im sure gg to lose n be the one doing those forfeits!!phew!haha..so exhausted that me managed to squeeze in at least 15mins of slp..haha..while mel hafing slpt alot the night before was busy waking danny up!poor danny!!haha..finally liying cm bk n entertained mel..

the night ended when we had our fun tekan-ing the boys whu cm over to our grp in search of their sps..made them do stupid stuff n requested them to dance n sing..aiyos!CMI...cant sing or dance!haha..requested a guy to sing tong hua!haha..okie lahs..passable but still quite cUI!!hahatink the worst was a guy named jeffrey..a senior with super bad reputation..he lks detestable n was glad that teckwee was ard to 'kill' him!whu ask him to be so lecher-like?see his sp n thot hes a senior so hell haf it easy?no way mans..usually we will jus be lenient twds seniors but this one?no way!!hoped our freshie was alritex...hey we din choose this guy for u yeah?he chose u my dear..

wanted to go suntec for dinner w the rest of the seniors but it was alr 9+..ivor drove us..wanted him to drop me somewhere near my house so me cld tk cab home in the end he drove me home!!haha..thanks yah? so saved on cabbie fare..

haven realli planned the activitiesf for next week except for tues..will b mtg shanx tingx n charms for penang lunch buffet n guess we r gg to slack tgt as usual!!dats good,,i luf to hang out w em!gg to squeeze in an afternn for KTV most prob thurs i guess!whus onx?haha..mb shall ask weinee or yj..but dun realli feel lyk asking the latter lehs..shall see how

so weird..a few of us seniors were toking bt whus attached whus not n suddenly teckwee asked if im still evergreen..haha..yah lahs..aint it quite obvious?haha..n cnt std u guys toking bt keewee..so off..even the juniors r harping over it..eeks.after a yr alr..not funnie lehs..hes so scary n he has super big ego!yucks..hes the last person me wanna see during camp!haha..oh ya forgt to mention me spotted this freshie named gary..din actually notice him till his name was mentioned a few times during the traffic light game..haha,,nt veri good looking but boyish lahs..haha..so cute..mel spotted another named timothy.. okie lahs boyish oso..both r bespectacled..haha..

time now is only 1128 n ive to wait for 12+ in order to tk my med..its isnt a good feeling to be sick!all i feel lyk doing is to slp n slp n slp..oh well one benefit i cld tink of is that i cn lose wt!toking bt losin wt..gg for camps is another alternative!the food suxs..u play n walk ard n eat veri little!haha..gd yeah?shall tk the opportunity to lose as much as possibe during the hall camp..i seriously dun wish to go..wun be as fun as NBS one i guess..

sighh 30mis more!urghh..

sudden surge of pain

cant fathom y im feeling this way again..hate it when im experiencing this kinda of feeling..cant understd myself either..its jus so stupid..

was typing n chattin w my frans online when suddenly me cld sense that my eyes were wet..mb its the thot of the banana zmoothie..mb its those thots which aggravated my emotions..mb im really not done with it..

my pals haf bros whu treat em betta then me..whu cares for em..sighh..mb cox he aint my real gor afterall..my frans gors haf gf alr..mine oso..mb its too much to ask for some of their attention..but whu will care bt u mans? mb i shld jus stop this crap!lyk wad my mei said:' its so silly!never play this again!!' at that moment i still told her its fun wad..haha..yah fun not when the gm loses control..not when u cnt control..it melancholy again..no!me cnt sink in..so silly me jus gt out of it..

chamaine..u will kill me wun u?so long never see u alr!haha..hope u r doing fine yeah?2nd week of wrk in exxon!so hws wrk?hafing fun?me fd a number of new places when me went shp ard we my frans today!!shall yeah?haha..yah n i miss u!PARTNER!!haha..so lg nv see alr!!haha..hope to catch up with ya soon!!:)

brain's dead..cnt tink much oso..shant continue else ill jus blog stuff which i aint suppose to..dere r ultimately some stuff which me cnt reveal even if ya kill me!!

oh yh..hey KH!!hope u realli did haf fun today..hmm..as in at least u aint feeling so stressed up etc..i always wnder y u will feel inferior..u r realli not that bad lahs..!gif urself another chance cox by doing so u urself aint gifing urself a chance!den whus gg to gif u?be more confodent of urself yeah?pls dun make ur mei worry for u lahs..being meis aint easy k?yah hope u will find ur happiness soon n smile!!!haha..n btw do train up n go shpping!!!oso..practise hw to crack gg can?mus do all these for gf one lehs..if dunno hw cn?so weird..haha

okok..shall stop here..really CMI alr..timecheck 1248pm..its time to jus concuss nt not think!!but i still wan my KTV!!whus ons..:(

pirates 3!!!

i broke m own promise again..not to anyone but to myself..n mb to my mummy:(

was suppose to watch pirates with the hs n lh peeps ytd during the early evening slot so dat me can be bk at ard 8pm..in the end me compromised n we ended up watching the 745pm shw n it ended at ard 1020pm..sian..again went home n prayed hard!my mummy gt used to me calling home n telling her im gg to be late cos of this n that..sighh..mb me shldnt promise myself anything in the first place..the reason y i gv in was firstly of majority's pressure..it wld sd damn off n silly if i were to sae i had to be home early or im afraid to go home late as...cfm will gt suan by em!!aiyas..wadever!secondly,cox weve decided to wait for darren to finish his wrk as its his IA period..since he helped me with the hall app fees n was my co-GL!haha..

pirates wasnt up to my expectation but it was quite an experience watching as a large grp..haha..if nt me will b watching with yj onli..haha..my uncle ok lahs..hes always helping me here n there..

it has been a lg time since me last organised an outing mb im jus too tired of the liaising n msging...was doing it frm sec 1 to j2..so sian alr..however, ytd's turnout wasnt too bad..7 guys n 3 gers!haha..dere will always be more guys den gers during hillstreet n ladyhill outg!haha

finally completed my PA report n sent to mt mentor!okie!great!now me mus try to edit a bit so that the number of wrds fall within 2000!haha..din actually hit 1500 at first..hey KH!thanks for ur template yah?n thanks for criticising mine!!haha..ya n so me followed ur template n it exceeded!!haha

alrights timecheck 1016 am...sheesh betta go prepare to meet mel n kh!!n im gg to be late!!!sheesh!!!late again!!!:(

finally ended!boooo...

the hall's seniors' camp has finally ended!was dere for half of the activities n MIA-ed for the rest..fri was still tolerable..amazing race n played some gmes..haha..nv in my life have i rowed a dragon boat!haha..was apprehensive but it turned out fun!!though i tasted the saltish kallang waters!yucks!!haha
one of the stations was the army market food center at beach rd..something diff n i lyk the tang yuan dere!shall order that during the actual camp!haha..the rest of the day was spent in hall playing childhood gmes led by darren n wanying..gt a few innovative ones..of cox smes dirty ones with soap water n stuff..of cox dis kinda gmes joleen shall steer clear!!haha..crazy gt myself dirtied after ive bathed?no way mans!!haha
sat missed the gmes in the day to meet the freshies for next week's NBS precamp!haha..went w mel n kit n met edmund, liying, delvin, yongxiang, danny etc. so many peeps..so elated to see the my freshies too lyk sophia, junliang kelly, kellyn, yiping etc etc..heehee..nice chatting w em!of cox some whom we dun lyk!!shant name em!haha..hmm toking bt our batch of freshies!weve gt the most no. of good lking guys cfm!!haha..esp one named kip peng!!haha..super gd looker..nt veri tall though but hes tanned!n the sunshine boyish kind!haha..guess everyones aiming him!!aiyas but hes my batch so sm yr..wasted!..haha..as for gals..a few nt too bad but dey had makeup on!so during camp dey may nt look as good..lyk wad mel said: we r the best batch!!n of cox WE AGREE!!!!haha..RIOJA RULZ!!!
hey mel so sorrie dat me onli joined u n kit for a while cox me gtta meet me sis..thanks anw!!lufing my super pinkish top frm topshop!!heehee..nv bot such an ex tee bfore but i really lyk the cut n the colour n its branded..so this is my first tee frm topshop!!shall go earn more..cnt afford zara as yet..shall wrk harder to conquer those higher end brandS!im hafing mango..aiming for topshp, zara n levis..tink ill nid many more years to achieve these..die..im gtting more vain n dissatisfied with wad im at now..of cox i do go for cheap n nice stuff..e.g. i luf BUGIS street!!went with sis ytd n she bot so many things..2 bottoms, a top n a bag..wah!!me stpped myself frm buying cox of the topshop tee!!hee..nvm..ive seriously bot a lot these hols esp with GSS!dunno hw many hundreds ive spent..mb 200?haha..oh no!!but im happie..cox ive gt new clothes to wear to sch!!yeah..nice shoes!!new bottoms!!im jus lyk a spendthrift a shopaholic lyk wad felix always sae..haha

rushed bk to hall after dat for hall's monster hunt..haha..me std in for a fran to act as a gal named meiling whus in luf with her fran johnny but johnny is in luf with meilings good fran victoria..den one day victoria was drunk n gt raped by one of their frans ah tek..den out of jealousy meiling took the chance n killed victoria in the midst of a fight..haha...so basically the freshies gt to find out whu killed victoria whu is me..haha
n so dey wanted me to hide meself in a deep dark corner at the toilet area at LT 1A..it was so eerie so deep inside..i was super duper reluntant..if not for ELIZA my senior whu accompanied me throughout my acts i wld jus plainly refuse to help out..i noe im super selfish..but im truly frightened..i dun wanna meet anything..im timid!!n i agree..thanks eliza!i dunno hw many times ive thanked u but im jus veri appreciative for ur presence!!!thanks again!!!
i felt really bad..really guilty for raising my voice at my seniors/freshies..it was part of the acts..im supposed to act psychotic n haf to be jealous over their r'ship..so ive to ans the freshies qns n thru my ans dey r suppose to guess whus the killer..of cox me cnt sae its me lahs!!haha..i had to tink of the ans instantly..impromptu ans..wah nv tried this kinda of acting bfore..prior experiences were all script-based..haha..oh well i thought i did pull it off..haha...so 3 cheers for joleen!!haha..but due to my senior's presence,almost all those whu came in asked: so whus she..haha..of cox me cnt sae shes here to acc. me ritex?haha..so ill jus shut em up n act angry n ask em to get out!!yah dis is one of the parts which ive to raise my voice be it my seniors/freshies..im sorrie if ive been too extreme...im sorrie if ive scared u..im really apologetic for doing so yah?hope u peeps understd:( not gg to std in during the actual monster hunt night..dey r gg to darken the entire place with black cloth n its during the 7th lunar mth..im NOT gg to act i swear!n its super tiring to act 18 times lahs!!crazi!!no ways..

i had fun though.its a kind of experience which one will not be able to gt easily..once im acting im too engrossed but me noe when im acting n whens not..my beauty wrld bitchy role..my highclass educated bitchy role in First impression..n ytd's psychotic, caring n bitchy roles!!wah..ive been typecast cfm!!haha..so if i were to stay in hall till end of yr 3 which will b highly impossible tink ill gt awarded for ms BIMBO in hall 3!!haha..apart frm the mini acts i had to do a closing scene with yaen(victoria)..haha..shes so experienced..thot of how the story shld end n such..dere were ard 50 peeps at least with the grand seniors n all..haha..wah..had stage fright at first esp when we din even rehearse, we din even rehearse the lines..it was jus going up dere n whack!i din noe hw i survived dat!really..but when everything started..i din feel anything i jus followed wad i had to do..suddenly everyone was quiet..attention was on her, den me when i walked in..it was perfect..it was the exact attention which i had yearned for..the attention was on us!i had to carry on..it was a re-enactment of the raping n me finding victoria, she confiding in me, me refusing to help her cx of johnny,telling her i luf johnny too..we fought den 'pushed' her to the wall n she was killed by me w an extinguisher..me learnt alot from this few hrs of role play, the emotional changes involved, the tonation, the positioning, the mutual trust n communication bet actors..this is one aspect which i have to wrk on..n i acted, we acted n twds the end, the appluases..i din regret!thanks junwen n seok hui for this chance..though ive malu-ed myself infront of so many but i hope it was convicing enuf to bring out wad im supposed to do..it was definitely an unexpected priceless experience for me to brush up my acting skills..

sometimes i do reflect..if acting becmes part of ur life den wun it be frightening?pretending to be close to one n cares for her jus lyk meiling twds victoria den back stab her etc..eeks..im not lyk this..im not!
proud of myself..thanks junxiong for saeing it was good..thanks i nid this kinda of comments for me to wrk harder, to go further, thanks again!hope u peeps din change ur impression of me but i noe u peeps lyk to sae that im an airhead..wadever!i dun care alr.!wadever impression ive given its no longer impt cox my hall 3ian days r limited..this is the wae i m..u like it or nt i dun care..

haha..enuf of my lengthy reflections..today hafing a super bad headache n din go for war gmes..cm bk hm to slp..jus dunno why me cnt slp well in hall..keep waking up in the middle of the night..accumulation of 2 consecutive slpless nights..pengs!!

tmr suppose to meet daph to shp in the day den meet the hs guys n qianyi at 4pm for pirates n dinner..but daph cun mk it last min:(sians..finding someone to spend the day with me.hopefully weinee an mk it either for ktv or jus shpping again!haha..gtta gt a pretty elegant white watch!hmm..budget as cheap as possible!saw a veri pretty 'my-kind' white leather watch frm espirit but its 130+..sighh..nvm..i shall gt a brandless one for less than 15 bucks!haha..n e lifr span?a yr i guess?haha..

may this week be a fun week with tmrs movie..but darren asked if we cn cater to IA pple cos he ends wrk at 6pm..dats means if this is so den me wun be able to watch pirates alr cox me wanna be home after the shw n nt join dem for dinner..reason?safety lorhss..but gt home bfore sunset dun wanna risk my life again!!shld i?shld i tell em to watch w darren n sacrifice myself n ask yanshan to watch w me?but the aim of the outing is to watch pirates if nt me will be watching with yj alone..n daph dun try to hint hint lehs..so paiseh ytd when u asked him to go watch w me alone..wah..thanks lor!!n yj!!can u pls tink bfore u ans??hw cn u sae u dun mind!!urghh..gei ni qi si le!u noe hw gossips spread?esp in hall..oh no!!urghh..

sis is gg for dble eyelid operation on wed..hope everything will go well!den u will haf beautiful dble eyelids!!haha..so this rd u win yeah?haha

aching!

finally went blading with my SIS this morning!!wah n nw im aching!!tink haven been exercising dats y:( shall go swim today!im jus amused by my extent of fear to b tanned!haha..applied my loreal sun block..den nivea sunblock..next my pink puma cap!wanted to wear my shades but me wasnt pro in blading yt,,a bit exaggerating n AA so in the end dats all n mes wearing my FBT n my t-shirt though not really covered fully but dats the best i can do..haha..den my new espirit slippers!haha

wasnt confi dat me cn blade smoothly at first but after warming up it becm betta..haha..a few falls n stuff but its part n parcel of it..my sis is cfmed more zai den me!!this her 5th time at ECP balsding this hols!!urghh...no wonder me gt no major improvements lah!shall ask me sis to go with me to blade after her ops n bfore her sch starts!!yeah!!so nice the morning breeze n everything..still remembered the days when me jus luf jogging lyk crazi after sch during my free breaks in VJ along the tracks..so nice!the sun!the breeze..the accomplishment at the end of the runs!i jus felt good..mb dats y me felt great during dat period!even when me had to manage the stressful A's n my busy council life..now i jus missed those days..guess im feeling more depressed bcox of this:( too bad i dun live in marine parade else me will definitely make it a pt to go jog n blade once a week!!:( sians..too bad me aint a cyclist..if not cycle will be great too..haha..gtta find a pillion..

u said u wld pillion me but it nv happened..haha..its jus another passing promise n an unfulfilled promise.but its alrights im used to it alr..so hey babes n dudes!dun ever make promises when u aint confi of fulfilling them!cox these promises wld be remembered

haha..i really cnt std myself!haha..cnt resist laughing at myself!malu-ated myself this morn AGAIN!!this time rd in front of so many NS guys!oh mans!luckily gt my cap on!else me cn jus go dig a hole n jump deep in!!haha..dey were resting alg the rd n me was on my blades..dere was a hump n i was gg at top speed while my dearest sis was safe after clearing the hump..dunno y me cleared the hump but den it was so fast that me cun strl n me FELL lahs!!!so PAISEH!!in front of the NS guys whu were resting while hafing their debriefing or sth..aiyas dey jus had a morn jog or mb morn run?dey were crazi lahs!ran frm one end to the other n back...aiyos realli so paiseh!of cox me quickly gt up n bladed twds my sis!urghh..not cool at all!so embarrassing!!thot me cun clear n b off!urghh..
it was heartening when me sis told me that actually one of them wanted to gt on his feet to help me but he was too slow cox mes already off the ground!haha..luckily me was fast else it wld be really dramatic..those in the dramas whereby a gal will fall n a guy will go help her n tada suddenly dey fall in luf!!haha..oh mans!my meimei thot of it when she told me bt that guy's 'kind' act!hey..dun be silly ger!dis kinda of things wun happen one lahs..n im keeping my fingers crossed hoping dat that bunch of peeps aint tinking that me was deliberate hors!I AINT DELIBERATE!else me wun be lyk trying to hide my face when we saw them again at macs after our session..bet dey were still toking bt it when dey walked past us..cn sense it lahs..MALU!!!even my sis thot it was ridiculous!aiyos..joleen CMI sia!haha..but nvm lahs..jus let em laugh lorhs..if sth lyk this din happen tink it wld be odd for me oso..haha..as lg as peeps r happen laughing at me or suan-in me..guess me wun mind bah..

toking bt suaning!oh no!i can forsee wads gg to happen for the next 2 to 3 days..me will be bombed lyk crazi!with pple lyk felix n yongjie n zhao ard!oh no!im a goner!!will b suaned to death!!haha..oh well dis this deir fun?haha..dun mind jus playing alg anw dey mean no harm...zhiyu asked me this qns:'wld u rather b the center of attraction or wld u rather that they ignore u?'haha..of cox i wld prefer the former.me sis saes im an attention seeker..yah i dun deny to a certain extent..judging frm wad i haf, my lifestyle the peeps ard me, me cnt sae me aint one..however, dere r times when me dun even see myself as one..one whu attracts weierdos?hmm..i dunno lahs..out of nowhere me cn gt strangers following me home den ill gt super afraid n try to tk the longer route bk home..

sighh..it happened last sun again..its always when me go out at night or haf mtgs at night..n i jus down on my luck or wad..i dun understd n cun believe dat im jus so unlucky..lyk wad my mum says shang de shan duo zhong yu hu!n yah ive met many hus alr but me jus cnt bear to resist the mtgs esp when ur frans r gg overseas n some hafta wrk till evenings..its not nice to turn down ritex?sians..last sun was freaked out toatlly when i was in the taxi..tinking dat taking a cab home will be safer n be bk home faster..yah dun mind de cost cox me dun haf a choice..in the end the cabbie was weird..he jus drank i guess..i seldom gt this kinda of feeling when i will sae shit!i wanna gt off the cab when me jus gt in!urghh..me felt veri uptight cox he was really freaky..switched on the music till damn loud..i cun help but admit that in it i was tinking of how me shld jus jump off it if he were to tk me to somewhere deserted or try sth funnie..urghhh..wad kinda luck..so in the end me asked him to stp at a bus stp near old airport rd n took a bus home..n dats not the end of the ordeal..a guy alighted at the sm stop at me..he was behaving oddly when we were gtting off the bus..den while he was walking he kept gazing bk..freaky!tink ive bogged this part in my previous entry..so aint gg to continue..aiyos so attracting attention isnt dat good oso yah?super afraid to meet pple at night alr..n i aint gg to do it again...my mum is anxious..she will nag for a few days everytime me illustrate my encounters to her..yah she always sae i zi zao de..yah i agree so me shant n be a good ger n stay indoors..hate it cox she will always bring up the matter of hafing a bf as my bodyguard n stuff..aiyo ma e most dun go out till so late dun nida bf one lahs..haha..funnie!

sianx tmr mus wake up earli n head for sch..shall tk my time since amazing race is at 930 shall go send my lappie to 8flags first den walk back to hall..sians..walk back so damn far lahs!hope me will haf fun..n shall go dere w an open mind..but gt no lappie to acc me at night:( nvm me shan slp after the debriefing at 1200 n sat yeah!!meeting the NBS FOC freshies!

haha..tink i look yg!cox the bike auntie thot that me n me sis r uni first yrs!!haha..i luf lking youthful!!!yeah!!!

early rainy morning

its raining this morning again!phew..luckily deres no nid to rush to wrk!hee:)
im awake so early cox me wanted to amend my PA report....but m currently distracted by my sis MP3 and of cox the Net..hafing Brodband aint good afterall..happily thot that mes odne with the report but after looking at my fran's i felt so embarrassed by my own:(urghh!

okie the rain had stopped!hopefully tmr wun be raining as its my blading dae!!has been postphoning the session cox it rained the past few days oso!yucks!wad kinda of weather?gg swimming next mon and tues morn..so it betta dun rain!!toking bt raining!urghh..jus pissed..next time me betta not try to predict the weather..wanted to wear my newly bot shades n it really rained the entire day on SUN!!yucks!!!n now?ive not worn it yet!!wads this?bot n cant wear?im not feeling good!!haha

haha..now its 854m..will be making my way to PARKWAY's KBOX soon!its a last minute arrangement with my sis..haha..so this makes it the 4th time in 9 days!!my last was on sun but it aint satisfying cox me dun gt to sing alot of sgs!me shall stick to gg with the max 4 peeps rule!but best is to go with sis!!can mike hog!!wanted to go swim today but rain..but nvm shall haf fun at kbox ltr den go recoup my losses by gifing tuition at 3 afterdat..haha..tink my outflows r on par with my inflows yah?haha..me sis gg for eye operation n cant accompany me for 2 weeks:(so its gonna b after 2 weeks dat me cn k w her again!haha..still haf 20bucks party wrld voucher n this session will ask my sis n her fran yonjie n felix along else not worth the $!

yesterday was at my aunts place!went dere to visit aunt n my little nephew..hes onli a 18mths old n hes so so clever!oh my!i was totally w myself when i was playing n entertaining him!haha..no stress!guess me n my sis enjoyed our time spent dere..he knew hw to speak a little..haha..n he noes hw to call out to us!he called us 'yi' haha..so cute..so cute..jus cant resist helping him to pick up little toys n stuf when he called out to us!hes so adorable!im so happy! his name is xuan peng..was suggesting xuan kai den but lucily my cousins din call him dat else ill be reminded of him..haha..my little nephew pengpeng!so cute..hes so light..so innocent..so playful..hes super smart i tell u!serious!!he noes wad r the dos n donts..he noes was will anger u n wad wunt!haha..hes a brillant kid whu makes everyones day!!but my aunt seems tired lking after him..guess its part n parcel hafing to look after her daughter's son
it pains me to see pengpeng cry..so sad..he cried when he realised that me aunt gv him milk of another brand..oh no..poor boy:( he merely took a mouthful n refused to continue drinking even when aunt tries veri hard to coax n talk him into drinking..he jus refused to open his mouth to drink..felt veri useless for not being able to help him..he looked in my direction s if saeing:'yi, help me...i dun wanna drink that!' oh no..i simply dunno want to do:( he looked at me twice..his tears were flowing already..i was stunned..i dun lyk to see him cry..hes such a wonderful toddler!finally my aunt had no choice but to remake another bottle of milk for him..carried him n could see dat his eyes n cheeks were wet..heart ached.
my little nephew my little nephew...he took his milk n fell aslp..at last my aunt cun take a rest n he was so exhausted frm the afternoons play w me n my sis!din count hw mani times we had to sing him happy birhtday song!cos hes simply so intelligent that he noes which button to press on his fake keyboard to gt the sg!he wld den smile at u when u sg him the sg!jus cnt resist to see him smile!so cute!so adorable..wad else can i ask for?

pengpeng ahs..ya noe hw much time n the amount of effort aunt n ur parents have put in for u?the amount of $ as well..y r jus too little to realise yah?but whu cares ritex?u r the center of the family..u bring the family tgt..u bring happiness n laughter to the hsehold..with u ard me gt to see the importance of hafing children n ive a better understanding as y pple keep saeing that with children ard u may gt a closely knitted family..i tink ive cm to understd dat..however, tink its only when dey r in the growing up stage..when dey r grown up..even when u ve children it seems as if u haf none..or worse still children becm a nuisance for u!jus lyk my mum..she wld rather us nt be at home..she wld rather me go stay in hall..but i tink deep down inside she aint tinking this way.. i noe she cares for us..i noe my daddy too!if not dey wun be sp worried when we cm home late..wun nag at us when we do this n dat..in a nutshell, no matter hw they behave, wad they sae, they do care n i noe:)

last sun met up with CT gang for a short ktv session n a steamboat dinner at chongqing after 2 sessions of tuition..its been quite sometime since 9 of us gathered..haha..quite fun though..lin is gg to korea for a 6mths exchange n the boys r gg overseas for their uni studies..leaving me n von, marcus yiwen n emma..haha..darius clarence n zhenhao-the scholarly three r gg overseas uni..wah!n of cox not forgtting marcus our another SChoLAR!wah!all scholars n im wondering wads up with me?aint anything..haha..but nvm..jus a simple joleen will do..haha

ytd was toking to my sis..she asked me a question which me found quite ridiculous!haha..wad kind qns is this? 'jie, why arent u attached?'haha..wad kinda qns ritex?dumbfounded i guess..simply jus told her..y cnt me be single?haha..den she cm up with all her funny theories n happily and voluntarily counted the number of guys whu tried to enter my life..haha..oh sis!come on!stop ur nonsense sia!i agree im alr in yr 3 n i am alr considered being left on the shhelf according to the uni's theory: yr one u r lyk a fresh flower highly sought after, yr 2...blah blah blah..mei!u tink i care?haha..mb i do..but im not desperate to be attached dear sis!im okie!dun mind being alone sia at least for the time being..n i hope u aint helping mum to try sding me out hors!if not..my mum is veri open bt such stuff n i dun mind telling her as well..jus that i will hate it when she dun wanna ask me direct n has to go thru my sis!no nid lahs..nothing to hide wads!anw, i fd wad mei said quite interesting..its impossible to live alone esp when we grow older, may not feel the impact now, mum n dad will fade away, she n my other mei cnt be w me forever too..dey haf the own life as well..this pt i agree!totally..well of cox, felt comforted when u said that me shldnt jus lower my stds n accept anione w no stds jus becox me hafta gt attached!haha..yah of cox me wun b so silly yah..hey im ur sis!!

seriously speaking me dun tink my stds r dat high..tink its actually whether i can click or not, interest wise and stuff..aiyos!relaxing lahs its onli my uni frans whu r mostly attached wad..see..my tk 2 closest tk pals n my closest Vj gals aint oso..so its still okie ritex?haha..de most spend a few more lonely valentines day lors..no big deal..anw me dun celeb on that dae oso wads..no hurry i guess...SINGLEHOOD RULEX!!!

wah..dis a lg lg entry..if only me cn type these much for my reprt i wld haf completed alr..alritex..gg to wake me sis up for ktv else we will b late!!haha..its vocal trging time!!!haha

shopped till ive DROPPED

today was the best!!haha..
met up w shans in the morn for cartel's breakfast..afterdat shopped all the wae frm 12pm to 8pm!!n wads the outcome of this?our legs are so so tired!!walked all the wae frm PS to Wheelock to far EAst!haha..no wonder our legs r now aching!!n for a few moments during the shopping spree me was feeling giddy!dunno y oso..but we did enjoy ourselves ritex shans?haha..we the gungho babes!too bad din manage to gt any new clothes..but nvm!gt myself a new pair of shades!haha..yeah n it was on sale!im so happy was depressed for a while when my the other pair broke:(:( this pair more zai!darker shade of brown n i shall test it tmr!haha..tmr gtta gif two tuition den KTV at Dynasty..this sleazy place a t PEACE centre..hmm i din choose the place n i tink i nid help to gt in..afraid to go in alone:( gtting the jitters!urghh

tmr me shall wear my new pair of shorts which me gt frm BUGIS!haha..den wad top to go alg?has been tinking for a while!hmm..polo tee?sighh..provided the weather aint hot!shall tink tmr!haha..

i haven been so slack for a long time..esp. today when i gt a chance to stroll down orchard with shanx n shop..haha..it was indeed a luxury yah?n best!both of us cancelled our tuition!haha..not too bad at least we gt sth each yeah?

pissed with the fujitsu center!it aint at taka alr!moved out gtta send to ntu's eight flags instead this cming fri!urghh!dat means me wun b haing my comp with me during seniors camp!die!urghh..nvm lahs..this is fate..me betta finish my PA report quick!!shall wake up earli tmr to do it bfore me go out n haf fun!
cant wait for tmr to come to put on my shades..n tmr betta not rain ahh!!

nice to noe that my intern frans r org a lunch mtg n KTV session sometime next week i guess!2 to 7pm!but tink it will co-incide with the NBS CAMp..hmm..tink will go for the session bk for camp bahs!whu ask me to be so KTV-Crazy?no choice!!haha..

so happy with myself..as in im enjoying my slacker's life!!woohoo!

to shanx!hey ger a few more weeks onli yah!!good dat u r earning more bucks so we cn go spend again!haha..hey cant wait for the 24th n 25th july when we cn meet up n stone!!yeah!!

to frans ending PA this coming fri: hey!5 more days!!jiayou!we've come thus far so jus do it n endure a bit more yah?:):)

n to those whu r working: kempate!do rem to enjoy urselves too!!!

so sweet

if ya were sk hw im feeling right now..i can tell u LOUDLY that IM FEELING LYK SHIT!!yesh!!actually LIKE SHIT!!urghh!

my lappie jus crashed on me!!not only this!!my PA report is IN IT!!!AHHHSSS!!wanna cry alr!!wanted to back it up after ytd's wrk but whu noes?!!!it jus went off like dat!din even signal dat its gg dead!!!wad the hell!!!ive gtta retype everything!!n yes!!EVERYTHING!!n i din back up my sgs my photos!!!oh no!!!im gg to send it to the fujitsu's center for repair tomorrow!!urghh!!YUCKS!!

nw im using my sister's lappie n had jus retyped most of it n ive gtta finish everything on sat!which is lyk tmr night?yah cox tonight gtta go bk to hall for mtg and tmr norns mtg shanx for cartels breakfast den gif tuition at bedok..aiyos den left tmr night!oh mans i can sense that me cnt finish by tmr night!sun will be gifing tuition and mtg with CTC gang at suntec!so this mkes it the 2 time at suntec this week! dey r having KTV at KBOX from 2 i guess!htink most probs ill join em or go shp aln before mtg them for dinner!
mon will be packed too!gg blading with sis den go shpping n bk to watch SUPERBAND!tues?aunts place i guess den mb wed rest n give tuition..thurs either swim, jog at east coast or blade again:) fri to sun will be hall's FOC seniors' camp!sianx! ut nvm mes gg to escape on sat to gif tuition n meetup with mel n co.n the NBS FOC freshies!haha..go there n seesee!next mon to fri wlll be the actual NBS FOC camp..yah will see when mel dey all r gg bk den me shall decide..sighh..its all the camps again..den hall camp..aiyos headache!


had been immersing myself in love dramas!haha..yah love stories etc! as i was saeing me sis rented the taiwanese version of the anime of e zuo ju zhi wen..yah jus finished watching this afternoon.the guy(zhi shu)was touched finally or shld i sae he fell in love with her(xiang qing) as well..its such a sweet feeling to watch them fall in love with each other..hao tian mi orhh...haha
the gal 'courted' him for 5 yrs..mved into his hse with her dad coincidentally den created tons of troubles for him both in sch and at home.it was amusing how his initial irritance with her can turn out to be affection.
den another guy(ah jin) was in love w her for 5 yrs but it was one-sided..ouchh..how painful..jus when he thot she had forgtten bt zhi shu cox of a misunderstanding that zhi shu is gg to marry a rich ger n had no feelings for her, zhi shu told her xiang qin that he liked her..haha..drama n expected ritex?haha
tink it was bcox of his reserve nature, his intelligence, his upbringing and his wealthy family background that had caused him to be so aloof, so cnfident of himself..aiyos..

aey, jus realised that this shw is somewhat similar to the channel u shw,currently airing at 7pm frm wed to fri..its again 2 guys after a ger in the end. the channel u's one is more serious. whereas e zuo ju zhi wen is more of a comedy reflecting the innocence of xiang qin..dere were moments where i nearly teared..so embarrassing cox ive watched bfore..but they were touching moments..moments when dey went out tgt, had fun, when they expresses their love for each other..aiyos..so poor thing.haha..
so dats the end of this soapy yt lovey dovey drama!amazed that im still into such shws..weird huh..not a teen any more n im still into it..

sighh.shall go gt ready to go bk to hall
hopefully my lappie can be cured..shit once reformattd my stuff will be gone!!!oh mans!!!!!

indication of boredom?

ive been online n blogging almost daily if ya were to notice..is this an indication of boredom?sighh...

din really progressed much for my report..as usual..slack the afternoon away after my swim..was watching the DVDs which me sis had rented..haha..yah its the taiwanese version of the anime e zhuo ju zhi wen..again a love story starring a high school ger deeply in love w this tall, hunky brillant rich kid..weve watched the jappie version on channel 8 before!yah its all ritex lahs..when ones bored..whu cares wad version ritex?moreover, it was screened some yrs back so its alritex..so cute the ger..n of cox the guy lahs!haha..

todays swim was satisfactory..but me cn definitely do better!im declaring the sun as my enemy!gt out of the poolat 850 and dashed to the shower rm!wah!de weather is killing me!im like in the oven lahs!cant stand!hw m i gg to survive the camps?oh no!tmr i gg watsons to go find the cure!the cure for everything!sighh...

haha..its blading next mon!auties place next tues!!mb blading again on thurs or jogging?wah!okok!me mus focus!gtta do up my report yah!urghh!

12 hrs ltr me will be hafing fun!!yippee!:)
its time to gt some beauty slp again!!nitexnitex!!!:):)

COOL!

had fun today!haha..of cox!wad cld be more enjoyable than SINGING our hearts out at SUntec's KBOX!woohoo! itsw was indeed fantastic!!4 hrs of songs!n the cold honey lemon was jus so sweet so sweet!mb the pple jus wan jus to gt diabetics?haha
went with my bestest fran Zhiyu today!2nd mtg since her return from US..n she gonna fly to Shanghai for her internship again!:( ill miss u ger!but dun worry!we will go KTV again yah?!!:)

it was singing all the way..but behind those songs i cldnt help but sense the sadness beneath them..is it u or me?u mus be strg yah?i like u positive n bubbly nature and ur outlook!i wish u well yah? yah best thing is to cool down:) n its true..hes not the only one..u haf other suitors as well..take care ger!haf fun in SHanghai!!

tmr im finally gg to the pool!haha..gtta wake up early n mk sure i start at 8pm n its gg to be an hr swim!bfore i get all tanned n browned again!
sighh...gtting all tannd n black wasnt a concern for me at all!now im lyl so afraid of the sun!so conscious that im subjecting myself to using umbrella!yucks!used it for the past 2 days when me went to my tutees place..ive become more auntie!oh no!if i dun use ill be bbq-ed!yucks den ill be black again?fairness=beauty?fairness=pretty?stressed den ill definitely nt be pretty or a beauty!hahahahaha..

no mood to write my PA report..my main parts aint completed yet..sighh..but gonna finish by thurs!urghh..okie tmr afternn!ill be slackin at home after my morn swim!cant wait for wed!its KTV den shoppin w my sis!den ill be back to watch my taiwan shw!dat super weepy but touching n as sweet as malt candy shw!!haha..cant wait!!

reflecting on my frans behavior..i cnt help but comment that if me were to be in her situation ill definitely be super lost..i dun really understd hw to accept another person after an immediate breakup with another?or even during the cooling down period?it seems impossible for me..mb dats y u seem as carefree as ever!i cant n wun be bahs..

okie..gg to slp soon since im lyk so bored..haha
its blading next mon!wah!!cant wait!!!

freed!

todays finally the day!
the lg-awaited day!!my last day in E&Y dis marked the end of my internship!yah..dat means im really left w 2 more exams n dats it!no more yah..

i hate mking decisions esp. when i aint prepared at all..i aintt prepared to accept the job offer..din expect the offer to join EY's GST department right after my pa or even on my last day!yah im shocked but elated cox i feel that its an indication of my performance during this period.ill consider really! told the director n my managers that if i were to choose EY ill cm bk to GST!yah..GST being so specialised will haf its pros in the next 10 yrs at least! 10 yrs seems long..mb not so for guys.as for me i feel that its 2 long..10 yrs ltr im 31..oh no!ill be so old..so old..i dun wanna tink bt it..tink its inevitable hafta start frm scratch!bear w the nonsense n yah ive learnt that we gotta haf 4Ps:patience, perserverance, passion and...haha..i forgt..yah passion?i aint sure to accept cox i cnt guarantee the passion i haf in GST..

gave out my namecard to the fellow interns..haha..gt lyk 200 lahs!so might as well gif them away!din expect that my seniors oso wanted and dats indeed great news so in the end gv the seniors, the assistant managers n my senior manager..yah my senior manager..ive gt his namecard and my mentors too!it was a really touching n costy feeling esp when they gathered tgt to wish me good luck..haha..business manager is really a bix manager..he cm over to join the seniors as well..thanks everyone!thanks!n im extremely glad that the case which i was involved had finally cm to a close!i cld see the delight frm my senior.she had wrked hard n thanked me a million times..seriously i tink i din really help much either..its wrk i guess and i did learn sth frm it..thanks for the experience i shld sae! n so i left EY..

next week activities r rather cfmed!yippi!
mon: KTV w ZHIYU!woohoo 2 to 7pm!
tue: swimming in the morning
wed: KTV w sis n shopping!
thurs: Swimming!
fri:tuition n gtta go bk to hall for mtg

the rest of the time shall be spent slacking watching tv, drafting n finalising my PA report!..so i realise im nt really dat packed oso..its alrights!cox mes gtta haf time to sleep n rest!back to the good old days..

well of cox,ive my challenge, a challenge for myself..a test of how far i can go..no matter wads the outcome, ive gtta try cox if i dun try ill nv haf the chance..yah ITS NEVER!!!!ive made a promise to myself n i shall fulfill it on my own!i can only do it on my own..a test of ability..
its here and its finally here..i aint exactly prepared but me shall mk use of the time now to prepare myself..

a quote which ive gtten frm the shw today: 'if one hessitates to sae wad he wanna express, there may not be a chance to do so in the future'

n this is mine:'if one hessitates and ponders over too much to do sth, the chance may jus slip away and nv be available again'

dunno why

i dunno why..really dunno y..
mb its a crush?
hes so nice..mb cox hes the business manager so hes sociable?
hes helpful..tink hes jus trying to shw sm concern?
yah..has good manners, good natured i guess, accomplished..jus one thing hes too old..haha..
lyk wad i always sae im easily impressed but dat will depend too
tmrs the last day and yah good!its jus a crush

today the whole team went to the BOD's room for a quick gathering they bot lotsa food some celebration for us interns? dunno hw cm haf oso..den jus toked to the directors n one of my directors jus turned a partner!wah!ill hafta wait for years to go that far..mb even not so far..sighh..

stood next to us..felt weird..awkward but managed to strike a conversation!
can tmr jus cm n be over?PLEASE!haha..hospitality?yah u noe?haha..thanks for everything yah?thanks for being so patient..thanks for the guidance..thanks!though i always complain but my mentor..wanna thank her too..shes a perfectionist mb dats y..tink she means no harm..my senior whus wrking so hard for survival..under lotsa pressure..i truly wish her well..my buddy?tink not as close to her as claren..jus gt married..haha..

as im typing this im pissed wif msn cox its signing out every other moment..urghh!

was watching my fav shw jus now..so sweet forever so sweet..i feel lyk stopping myself frm catching it..cox m afraid ill tear if i were to carry on.still rem when i watched meteor..wah..dats bad mans..when jerry saved her n gt beaten badly..tears jus welled up my eyes..tmrs episode will b good hope me will be hm on time!the prince will keep his promise which he had mad to his princess..yah he definitely will!

after pa its time to concentrate..concentrating on wad i lyk to do..focusing on my likes..fulfilling my unfulfilled want..spending time on myself, my frans, my family, my relatives
ignoring the hates, switching off n outcasting the donts..

im jus a simple me
these thots keep surfacing
clouding my vision
blocking my path..
moving on in my life seems tough
mb i aint as strong as wad ive thot/look
mb im jus vulnerable
mb im aint good at all
mb i lack security
mb im jus a nobody
a nobody whus name happens to be joleen heng

veri afraid dat ill lose my tk frans
veri fearful dat my closest pals will all go overseas
veri worried that i wun haf company
veri frightened dat i will be left alone
treasuring my franships
treasuring every moment
but i noe not everyone is willing to do so..
really not everyone
not everyone

melancholy

din actually wanna come online

its cox me wanna blog..cnt figure some stuff.blogging wun help much, at least its a way to offload wads in my mind

HYPOCRISY

its a wrld of hypocrisy. be it deliberate or not, i m not cut of to be living in this kinda wrld.
jus when i was bt to change my impression of her. she shwed her dark side again..its realli so sickening!yah..blame it all on me..'jus an intern' i guess..i dun give a damn man!
i cnt understd y its so difficult to jus smile n not ignore pple..even a simple wrd lyk 'hello' or 'bye' do not even cost anything!its free!cmon lahs..lyk wad ive mentioned..no EQ no PR skills den y call urself a manager?are we all living behind our own masks?i guess we all do..i dun deny cox i mus agree that i do some time as well. however, i swear dat its lyk less than 5% in my life.
making use of me to wrk when senior was busy..bother to check on me when u nid stuf urgently..trying to sd nice when u nid me..im jus trying to be respectful thus me BOTHERED to smile at u sae bye to u..u tink ill do dat if u werent e mentor? cmon!im not so thick-skin k? noeing roughly wad kinda person u r..me wun be bothered to exert that little negligible energy on u..alas!will this 5 days pass quickly pls!n dats not the end!me hafta wear this mask to gt my report done bfore im done with her!

REPENTANT?

im stressed?but y? cun be!cox no sch, no exams, jus wrk everyday..n im STRESSED?or m i jus simply tired?
its been so long since ive been real rude to my mum..she nagged at the nitty gritties..this time rd over some droplets of water which she accused ive flinged onto the floor!wad the!i cun stand it!i screamed back at her..i cun control!my threshold is usually high..jus let her nag n whether it goes in its another matter.dats one reason y hall is a better place. yet i will miss home.issit cox of her hafing menopuase?or issit me?hafing PMS?i dunno..i noe i was rude.i jus dun wanna sae sorry.being in a rather traditional family its not common to do so..i hate being accused n esp when i feel its jus so ridiculous!wads up w a few droplets of water?alas!its an outburst which wasnt deliberate i guess

melancholy

am i drifting into melancholy? hate to haf this feeling..reaching this stage in life really suxs!deciding my career choice?wondering wads up w everything..suddenly realising the urge that ive to contribute to my family to support my family so dat dad wun be the sole breadwinner.if i were to sae im stressed..my daddy is cfm worse xinfinity!yrs of hard wrk..ive seen him aged alot..i saw his grey hair dat dae..i feel bad. im always proud to let pple noe that im paying for my own hostel fees..my own stuff..i do draw little allowance frm my daddy's salary..dats y mes more or less financially independant.dats one thing but i aint good enuff. deres so much more that ive gtta do.mb this is y i cant wait to earn big bucks!i dunno hw?i hate wrking for pple..i hate the rigid org. structure..i hate it when ive to accept sth cox ive no choice or cox 'i dun mind cox im used to it' this is not wad i wan in life! this wrld is not perfect im aint perfect either..i cnt gt the best of both world.n i noe.

love

watched the channel u shw again..so sweet to haf someone trying hard to fulfill the promise which he had made when he was a kid.the ger acted well..i hate her for trying to break the 'prince' and 'princess' up..the scheming behind it and stuff. luckily the 'prince' is well aware of her ploy..having 2 guys to fight over u..wads the feeling? me tink it will realli be a tough decision to make esp when one is ur childhood prince n another ur childhood playmate whu has been secretly in love w u. tell me hw she shld choose?both r good lookers, one is damn rich n accomplised. e other acted as the support..quietly helping her, a violin genius. tell me hw the story shld end?
i tink she shld live happily ever after w her prince cox prince r meant for princess.yet me noe the other will be devastated..the other haf wasted his time on u..my fran once told me that the guy wun be tinking this way cox she lufs u n tink its worth it. i dunno hw true. if the princess aint gg to be w the prince den it wun be a perfect story alr..well i do expect the former to be the ending.
in life its not so simple i guess.since when will someone b so 'lucky' to haf 2 boys gg gaga over u? fighting over u?guess u wun be happy either.hafing to make a decision which will hurt the other party. mb u wun even wanna k a decision!
its a cliche story but ill still catch it.

my mood is down today.hopfully it will gt better tmr..gg to meet yanshan at 11 for mango sale..hafing a feeling dat its gg be a retail therapy again!haf been buying things every week..wasting money?yah maybe..its retail therapy..tmr still haf to gif tuition..haha..at least some inflow to compensate for my outflow.
shall slp now

timecheck:1059pm

love is not simply jus MCQ

my lappie is gifing me problems!hopefully me cn finiah this entry bfore any tricks occur again!sighh

'love is not simply jus MCQ'
'i will use my life to protect u forever'

these r the two phrases which ive picked up frm the channel u shw this evening..a taiwanese shw i guess..there were childhood frans n de guy promised the gal dat he will be her prince william forever..how sweet!

in real life nothing lyk this will happen..n i really MEAN NO ONE!dats y watching such dramas is jus so lame..for pple lyk me whu r so free yeah?so wad?i tink dey r so romantic..nvm im a dreamer..full of imagination..so u noe wads up w my nick?princess?yah its an imagination..noeing i cnt be a princess..never!

ill gt a makeover dis cming hall's dnd!yah dat means i mus scrimp n save for jus dat night..dat few hrs!but its all in the name of FUN!yah..a nice hairdo a cool mkup a beautiful dress and ill tk loads of photos!haha..feels lyk prom!its gonna feel so real since im in my fianl yr..uni no prom so dnd will be the substitute

my mum is so weird..was telling her that my senior manager is veri nice n she immediately asked if its a HE/SHE!OLD/YOUNG!haha..mummy..oh my!wad r u tinking bt?its a HE!hes in his early 30s n nice..n dats all!oh pls..mummy u n ur funny thots!its nt the first time shes asking hw yg or old..my mummy ahs..

i always feel blessed cox i believe im surrounded by many nice n helpful pple..definition of nice?i dunno..ive a high threshold for alot of things..or shld i sae ive a high tolerance level..if i sae i dun lyk u den most likely u r a gonner!dats it!i seldom hate a person..i dun..its better to haf another fran den an additional foe..im easily satislfied..easily pleased and contented ger mb dats y i feel rather depressed when me dun gt appreciated or sth. i dunno..i live by this motto: u gt treated the wae u treat others

was reading a fran's blog. such a co-incidence..the latest one was bt love as well..haha..he blogged bt gers behaving similarly as guys..esp when it cmes to luf..being sweet to their ex n their future steads..doing the sm n saing the sm sweet things to their past n future beaus..haha..i agree n me dun deny dat ive frans whu r lyk this..hes one i guess

as for me?me can haf frans whu r lyk this but this is their private life ive no rights to interfere n mes nt so nosey to want to be involved..its a personal preference to haf multi-bfs/gfs?sometimes i believe its jus fate..yah tricked n fooled by fate

i choose not to follow the crowd..i noe wad i want..my vision is clean..my mind is conscious..i noe wads right wads wrong..i noe wad cn work out n wad cant..i dun wanna waste time n waste others time..i dunno if these attitudes r correct but again i choose to live by these
guess its becox i hate to be led by the nose be it at wrk, in sch or wadsoever..being a leader for close to 7 yrs..i cnt help but wanna go against everything im uncomfortable with..of cox me noe my limits..
mb these had caused hurt to some..wad i can see is 'sorry'
lyk ive mentioned dun ask me y i noe..i jus tink its impossible n pls dun try to mk me hurt u deeper by repeating myself..im picky?ive stoned?im cold?wad ever u sae..

nv in love..only crashes..dunno wads this four letter wrd is about..guess its a candy in disguise..basing on hw u choose to chew this candy can turn into a caramel chocolate..it can result into a dark chocolate or even jus a white chocolate

my 'prince' will gt all my attention i guess..my care my concern..tink its bt gifing my best putting in my heart my soul..likened to my attitude in other arenas me noe my sturbborness, my determination may not gt me anywhere

waiting is the word for now..chances n opportunities

hating my sensual self

StoRies

everyone lives and when we live, we spin our own stories
stories which reflect happiness, pleasing, memorable moments that we yearn to keep
stories which involve anger
stories which are repetitive and
stories which are painful, which hurt..we wish we can forget

weaving my story daily..every single moment..every single second..
every step i take it's part of my story
every passed second equates to one second less in my life
one less entry in my life

thy story is inspirational
im touched
nv expect the ending which seems to be nv ending
living hell i guess
looking back is nice
looking back brings memories
looking back is sweet
looking back brings pain
it is this pain that mkes us wanna suffer
suffer quietly n wlllingly
this pain which we refuse to admit to regret

reality rules the past
wads past cant be relived
wads past cant be w us animore
wads done cnt be undone
living in wads done, living in memories wards off reality
however, reality still reigns

choosing to turn back against this past is difficult
its tedious
it seems impossible
wanna let the past go but the past doesnt wanna us go
does it mean when its gone..its really gone?
gone with the wind?

its a choice remember!
its a difficult choice

we r the scripwriters
we r our playwrights
we r one another story writers
most importantly, u r my novel writer

my novel writer who crafted the bulk of my story
my novel writer who impacted me the most
my novel writer who took me so far
my novel writer who formed my smiles, my cries, my hate, my love
my novel writer who becomes jus another normal companion
the novel writer who gradually fades away from being my novel writer
not wishing u to be part of my novel writer again
u hafta go craft someone's story..
u contribution to my story had ceased and shld ceased
i thank u sincerely for being a contributor
i thank u for those moments
i THANK YOU TRUly

if ya r reading fran, this entry is urs
gtta noe a little better
hafing a habit to worry for frans
hoping everyday is a new dae for all of us

my frans u hafta be happy
my frans rem, stories once written r hard to erase
every step we tk, every thing we do etches our story

my story, ur story, our story

appalled..but thank you!

i was taken aback ytd..not when he said dat he walked to SAO frm hall to help me pay the hostel application fees. i was embarrassed.tinking dat he had lesson dat dae..he din go in the end..not cox of paying of cox its cox he usually skip classes..mb dats y he gtta retake 3 modules again..heh! uve gt the potential!n uve gtta believe it!
i wanna thank you!realli!!din noe u din drive dat dae..im veri grateful!

ytd we went to this chinese restaurant n paid 20 bucks for a buffet style chinese dinner..haha..as usual..there were more guys(12) den gals..haha..the hall guys r definitely a closer buch of peeps!watch dem haf fun realli feels good..mb dat will be the reason y i will miss hall life..it was great seeing the peeps..haha..celebrated denieces and chuan teck..

spent alot of money dese daes tking cab home..spent 8 bucks last sat tking cab home frm tings bdae..ytd oso..a little lesser..2.8 frm paya lebar mrt to my hse..im scared to walk home aln ..n it was only 1030pm..no lahs ill rather save less n trust my life to a cabby..last week too..cab n cab n cab..luckily dis week nt mtg anione..phew!onli zhiyu on sat when me wun be home after dark!

tink eventually taiwan trip may nt be realised..since no updates till now..its alritex i tink..i can use the $ to go for my photoshhot..fd one at millenia walk..looks pro!wah!but i wanna go slimming center oso!tinking of slimming santuary which is near my house..but dunno hw much..sighh..

its cming in a few mths..me n meimei have made a pact to train hard.. n me can expect to go k every other week!wah!i like it!ill rather shp less n entertain myself more!realli!!

sm times its getting a little lonely..cant always hang out with my frans cox of our differing lifestyles..sighh..now busy with PA..13 more days n dats it!fianlly!wanna slack..wanna blade..wanna swim..wanna slim down..aiyas me wanna do so many things!how how?

ya cming bk?i welcum u..welcuming qianyi!my hall mummy!haha..we've gtta spot all the good looking hall freshies yeah?haha..mummy..gt urself a daddy!haha..no one wanna be my daddy..haha..heh!guys out dere!my mummy aint bad okie!!jus a little loud!

next sem..im yr 3 alr..haha..still remembered mr yap my vj physics and CTC tutor saeing this: yr 1, u r a fresh flower which will attract lotsa bees. Yr 2: a fully bloomed flower, still attracting bees, yr 3(final yr): a dying flower, bees r starting to leave..haha..yah im gg to be yr 3!does it mean i belong to the 3rd category?haha..dying?

hmm..if i were to ans. my own question..haha..of cox not!definitely not dying!!bees leaving?ahha..i dun care!i wan BUTTERFLIES!haha..butterflies r so pretty..so beautiful!!even if dere aint any wadsoever flies..i dun care!a flower can still survive..of cox it gtta be a fake flower!haha..im crapping again..

tingx party!!

ytd went to our beloved, pretty, sweety, deary TINGX's 21st Birthday PARTY!
haha..was at her sis' condo at river valley road..Nathan ville!haha..me n shanx had a little prob finding though

ytd woke up at 7am gave tuition den met up with ys in twn to finish up our TUTORIALs!!--the 2 pieces of artwork!!!haha..finished the skeleton at home n pasted the pics n designs at the taka's coffeebean..gt chased away after spending lyk 3hrs dere..quite paiseh leh..den afterdat went to gt the prezzies n went to heerens spinelli to finish up wadever we had to!haha..so funnie lahs..we were rushing for time..dats y we were late tingx!haha..even thot charmx wld reach earlier than us!luckily nver!!!!

it drizzled a little n tingx our beloved host was hurrying us to makan!ahaha..the food was thai frm SIAM kitchen..the salad was good and the beehoon!haha..saw jacelyn, sugui n yinbing wif her bf..haha..so long nv see one another alr but we still cld click n crap as usual!dats good!!we managed to entertain ourselves whilst our tingx was busy entertaining her frans..haha..

tings!u best lorhs nv entertain us!haha..jus joking lahs..so shou alr..tink u r so sick of us alr!haha..but we enjoyed ourselves though!angry lehs.wanteed to ask dew dey all to help throw u into the water!!haha..joking joking!!heehee

the tiramusi cake was great!was alr melting lyk dunno wad when we were cutting n distributing..so the looks of it was rather unglam..haha..its lyk melted...hmm..better not describe ani further!

hey ger ah!hope u realli lyk the prezzie yeah?me n shanx do the 2 tutorials till we wanna pengx haha..esp cutting the stars..was hoping we have the stencil sia!haha..but the end products?were FABULOUS of cox!!heh!frm us lehs..of cox of the highest quality lorhs!!!haha..

quite fun doing though..but wun be doing one in the near future yeah

tmr is gg to be exciting cox gg to meet up with my hall seniors n hall peeps..its gonna be loads of pple!heehee..
n tues mb sending charmx off n celebrating her bdae befor heading to the office..sianz!its yet another week!but im looking fwd to next sat alr!cox gg to meet zhiyu!!!!haha..n its the 6th week!aft dis then 2 more weeks!!!haha..lalala..

okok..gtta go prep for tuition at 2 alr..haha

lastly, wanna wish charmx n tingx:HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY DEARIES!!STAY SWEET,PRETTY AND HAPPY yeah?HUGGXS!!well next will be yanshan alr!!!haha

fees!!urghh!

re-read the stupid email from office of finance..n jus when i thot ive cleared all my DEBTS..i realised i still owed them $ for school fees!urgghh..wad fuelled my anger even further is the email stating dat ive to pay $320 of hostel acceptance fees n have to stay for a minimum of 2 mths cox bfore dat i wun gt my refund!!

this is super shitty lahs..damn!!all my saving up plans r gone!!shoosh!i wnna move out oso cannt!!wah the hell mans!!n i cant view my results cox me still owe them money!!alas!if only me cn jus drp by sch n pay all that they want!!all at once!!im super duper zuper PISSED!so pISSED dat i can jus spill out FIRE!i jus cant stp cursing lahs!!yucks!!

but whus to blame?of cox its myself lahs..whu ask me nt to pay on time?too bad..i dun pity myself..hw to pay so much at one go?its lyk hell lahs!as if im printing money!i jus hope that i could turn bk the time n chosen nt to stay in hall..nt to be in JCRC..den deres no nid for me to incur so much..so much of my time...my money!!damn wasteful!!urghh..ive to pay everything on my own..with my miserable amt of tuition fees..n once its used to pay for hostel im broke!!nw? asking me to pay 390 for may n june hols when im nt even staying..im alr bu gan yuan!n u dare send me another mail asking me to pay acceptance fee of 320?hey!go to hell mans!i dun haf money lahs!!!urghh!jus feel lyk jus cancelling sia!!!i cant stp staying after a mth which i planned to..ive gtten stay for 2 mths at least

do i really haf no choice?can i dun stay for even a mth?i dunno the answer..im really vexed!sighh..

dat dae when we went shpping, felix said im conflicting myself..its true that i will miss the pple..on the other hand im tired i wanna go home..yah i jus laughed it off..i did..im afraid of loneliness..the initial fun which i had when i entered in yr 1 was no longer dere..im afraid of loneliness in hall..alone in the single room..it aint stuffy cox of the aircon..the wind..but the feeling of being inside is driving me crazy..i cant breathe..i dunno y..mb its psychological..mb its all in the mind..i really aint sure..its bad..my wrld seems to be crumbling down again..its nt even the start of sch n im feeling this way..this is really bad..

ive been thinking alot recently..but i dun gt it..y is life so unfair..no one is perfect..dats y ive imperfections too..but i aint satisfied..i wanna be the perfect one..i noe i cant..I CAN'T..its impossible i noe..BUT I JUS TINK ITS POSSIBLE!
im stubborn!veri n i mus tell u!the important wrd is VERY!

as i grow older i realised im gtting more n more depressed bt my life n the outlook of it...i jus seem to be comfortable wif wad i haf..i cant stay put on sth..im nt as happy or happy-go-lucky as wad i used to be..i simply cant!ive become a stranger to myself..sometimes i dun even noe whus joleen? seeming good on the outside..but u wun noe wad im tinking internally..nt in the negative wae i mean..as ones emotion will affect/infect others..i choose to affect my friends positively..wun want to ruin their days..

detesting myself for everything..hating myself for being bitchy..despising myself for being incapable..disliking myself for the failures..remorseful for being lousy..regretful over my choice..

is dere a wae to redeem myself?i feel as if im jus a nobody..a busybody..

im tired!exhausted!sleepy!i dun wanna tink..i dun wanna wrk!i refuse to face the reality..i hate being mean..simply cant stand this ger called Joleen..falling into depression for no good reason!yah no reason at all! i nid to see a psychiatrist i feel..haha..a physician wun help!

its nice to tok to u online..u still remembered the east coast hawker?haha..nt gifing u my blog add..cox u simply cant read..sorry for that..portraying a blissful ger..u noe nothing..wad u see is a shell carefully crafted n wrapped..its superficial at least to myself..hafing our own life is good!wishing u well though..dun ask me th things uve asked before..dun ask me y i dun gif the guys a chance..dun tell me nt to choose this n that..ur advices i do read..i gt it but before u mention..im well aware!well aware!unless u lemme go, unless u choose to let go..unless u tell me so..u can regard as wad uve regarded since 2 yrs ago?yah n dat was 2 yrs ago!dats fast..i will respond similarly too

heard a shocking news bt my sis' fran turning into a les..or is she a bi? i dunno..me nv ask..its jus so weird to hear this news when i was trying to rush off to wrk..for a while, i was made to think..r singles at this age always stray ,always choose the alternative?

yah i guess so

cramped!

was actually in quite a good mood minutes ago..urghh..had a bicker w sis!sians..cant stand me?ellos!who cant std who ahs?urghh!

wadever!!!

was out since early afternn..was suppose to go for tuition at bedok but in the end he cancelled!haha..great!so i slept later n went out with sis to marina sq and spent the afternn at millenia walk..saw kelly poon n ho yao sun..haha..the sd system was lousy today..cant really hear wad they were singing..aiyas was there to pick up the prizws for gtting into the semis..was suppose to gt birkies and meet shan in orchard but in the end din cox not meeting shans so dun really wanna go to jus gt our birkies..haha..next thurs?shld be lahs..

these few days were spent at cityhall, marina sq area!wah its the 3rd day i was dere!thurs went waraku with shans tingx n charms..fri went shopping with felix followed by mtg up with weinee at changing appetite, marina sq n today with sis to shop!wah..seems lyk dere r a lot of things to do ritex?haha..mb..

ytd bought a top for 12.5 from ebase!haha..my fav colour again!pink diagonal strips with yellow!woohoo..today gt a yellow top from giodano..haha..but so cheap 10 onli!haha..cant spend alot!else will be broke at the beginning of the month!haha..

hey u see i aint a spendthrift k? n accompanied u to fox men hors n levis..still sae its cox of 'joleen's aura' that caused u to spend so much:( thanks lorhh..n whens KTV?haha..felt good ytd shopping n choosing guy's clothes cox seldom shop for guy's stuff..hey!c'mon lorhs ive gt good taste can?if not u wldnt haf bot the green polo tee n the red tee which ive selected!haha..n ill make sure u gt an orange one if deres a chance!dun wear jus blue, black n white k?take the brighter colours!example, the red, the orange the yellow!n i noe ill haf to kill u n mb even myself to ask u to wear pink!haha..so mb not pink at the moment!haha..n i dun care if ya lyk/dun lyk pink..i noe i luf PINK n no one is gonna stop me frm lyking the colour!even u!!looking forward to ladyhill n hillstreet's gathering!haha..fun i guess..

tinking of getting a skirt from m'phosis but 4o bucks!shud i gt?i feel lyk gtting so dat me cn be clad in it for tings bday dis sat!haa..mb its an excuse jus for me to buy it!!how how?:( tink colour is very important!the correct colour gifs luf, reflect the mood u r in, the personality etc. so from the choice of clothes u will gt to noe yeah?

as for me..if ya were to tk a peep into my cabinet..of cox its obvious that theres PINK!haha..no only PINK but SHOCKING PINK!!orange, yellow, purple, red are my colours!feeling great when im in the correct colours!haha..

tmr's gg to meet up with mel in town..haha..cant buy but jus to walk around after gifing tuition..me shant wear heels anymore..feet cramp!n its wrk on mon again!sians..its the 5th week n after which 3 more to go!!woohoo!!

G.U.E.S.S!!guess? GUess!!

wah!!this is realli the first branded wallet which i have!!thanks dearies!!thanks for the GUESS wallet!!din expect u all to realli buy a GUESS one!thanksthanks!heehee..luf it loads!but me a bit se bu de to use cox afraid that it will gt dirtied:(
hope u peeps lyk the desserts at hiagen diaz!heehee..n hws WARAKU shanx?not bad ritex?i luf the atmosphere!heh!!thanks for celebrating my 21st bdae with me today babes!!heehee..next sat's will be our dearest tingx den followed by charmaine's!!wowwe r all turning 21!!haha..n shanx we will remember ur prezzie k?no probs!within 5 mths we promise to help u find a super rich, super cool boy yeah?haha..

oh ya before i forget!thanks yiting for the handmade card ger!so cool!ill sure hang it in my hostel!n thanks shans n charms for the sweet msges..well of cox nt forgtting our artistic tings!heehee..really glad to haf u all as my pals!n thanks for ur support all alg yeah?heh..we mus keep in touch hor till the future..till forever!n pls do tell us wad ya wan for ya bdae babes!!

tmr gg to meet up with weinee at marina sq again but she cn onli meet me at 630pm..nvm ill go shp aln or mb ask mel alg?haha..feel lyk stking more skirts for next sem!moreover so many sales gg on!contempting on gtting a tube of the celebrity body cream..sighh..dunno whether will work or not..desperate..slimming center too ex..cant afford at the moment..so gtta depend on these..shakehead..desperate to diet..:( afraid to tk cambridge diet/extrim/tummy trim..wadever...i wanna be rich n go marie france bodyline!!or bottomslim or anything lahs..

hopefully next thurs ktv with the interns will be successful..haha..n me shant be eating heaty stuff alr!else hw to sing yeah?

yawns..haha..time to bed dudes!nitex:)

am i the BITCH or YOU?

urghh!!!cant stand it!!it jus simply doesnt pay to be nice!

so wad shes more senior?hey c'mon lorhs..im keeping my cool jus cox ur age..n i agree that u gtta write my pa report..if not for this..hellos!!get this clear: i want nothing to do w u mans!!jus 4 more weeks n im off! haf experience?haf $?haf IQ?so wad?U HAF GT NO EQ!dunno wads call EQ yeah?oh pls!!get a life! uve gtta gt this clear!i din step on ur toes!n dunt u noe hw to jus sae a simple thanks?i shant waste my energy on u..i shall tolerate w ur nonsense!go away lahs!!!urghh!!

last sat was rather cool!went to fionas 21st party..quite disappointing to see only the few of us..nonetheless overall it was alritex..haha..jon is still the same!come on dude stop being so cheeky yeah?ur ger will get jealous sia!haha..nick is as pretty,kevin as blur n zhao as stoned!haha..ivan as quiet,shaun as funny..gt suan by me!haha..its was great to see my jc pals!fiona the bdae ger was beautiful!her party was super unique lahs..till now ive yt to see someones party w 2 balloony men, an entertainer n a photographer!n toking bt the photographer!we were assaulted badly..be it we were eating ot toking or jus trying to stone he wld be dere n click his camo away!urghh..n me was so unlucky to be picked to play a super RA game lahs..so paiseh..but poor nick he gt a worser role!haha..oopss.in the end though we lost but still gt prize!haha..gt a manicure set n a makeup set!wah nw ive all the makeup!!haha

toking bt makeup..i feel awful when i dun doll up myself..die!jus feel dat me lyk sickly w/o colours on me..weird..

next bdae on the list?haha..tink shld be mine bahs..thats acc. to shanx tingx n charms..this thurs gg to my fav. jappie restaurant at marina sq-waraku for dinner!haha..yeah!!n thurs is my sis bdae too!haha..celeb my belated bdae on my sis actual bdae!haha..funny yeah?next will be our beloved tingting's!me n shans have volunteered to help alr!!haha..wad shld i wear?my mini skirt?haha..oh ya let us stay over lehs ger?haha..shanx dun forgt our cartel's breakfast!haha..

this weekend feels abit empty..yah cox deres no nid to rush for competition anymore..nt depressed cox ive gt the chances to perform for the public..n i mean really the public..nt jus the hall pple n frans..its the shopping crowd the passers-by..im pleased to haf caught ur attention..thanks eveyone for listening to us?though din gt into finals but we r alr satisfied w e semis cox its the first competition..i live w no regrets..all alg ive yearn to perform n i thot ive made used of the short 8 mins i haf on those 2 chances!the attention, the quietness, the cheers, the applause, the comments..i thank u pple for all! though its the end for this competition its actually the firststep into the future..i treasure those moments..the moments which i can proudly tell my kids in the future dat hey!mummy gt into semis in a competition bfore!i luf wad im doing..n i believe even if i cant go far ..its something which i enjoy n pursue..believing is powerful..ive done wad others may not even dare to do..ive conquered myself, the stagefright n i yearn for more of those moments again..however, i gtta wrk harder..dat means kbox more often!haha..

was toking to clarence ytd bt guys being so amusing..yah i shld jus ignore n ellos boy..hw to find a bf fast?haha..its fate lehs..haha..
dun quite able to comprehend guys..ytd was weird..my sis was saeing that it was so obvious that he was trying to be over friendly..haha..oh mans..n friendster is another one!a model n a mixed blood..haha..interesting sia..but..im wary!apprehensive..haha..thanks yah..but no thanks!

went shppinh n gt myself an op skirt!heehee..yeah new skirt but ive alr worn it!!more to come!haha..a new top!so happy so happy..peachy PINK!!damn bright lahs..aahha..mkes my dae yeah?n my espirit slipper!woohoo!haha..i nid cash to shop!!
wah!!GSS!GSS!i like!!!MUACKS!!haha

so fast..yet so slow?

tmr's thurs again!!n its gg to be weekends again!!!haha..
this weekend will be the last for one of my tutees, so dat means me will haf 1 left for the 1 mth hols!at least gt more time for myself!!yeah!time flies yah..im gg to be into the 4th week into my PA n 4 more to the end!!!haha.next will be taiwan n camps!

suppose to haf dinner with kh, mel n xinwei today but gt cancelled last min..haha..haf been gg out..watched da vinci code w shanx n tings ytd..tink its nt dat bad lahs..gt frightened by a few scenes when silas appeared out of nowhere!haha..scardy cat huh?haha..ps was packed!din really enjoyed the popcorn though:( next up will be pirates of carribean!!i wanna watch!!

din haf much time to practise for sun n i guess mes gifing myself too much stress yeah?the sg dun feel ritex mb im tinking too much..hmm..jus be natural n i guess e best is to wrk on my breathing..hmm..hope everything goes well n fight on to the end!!thats my ultimate goal for myself!to be determined n its a challenge for myself n a test of where i can go..setting more tests for myself..yah more!

tmr n fri are gg to slack!no nid to go office but jus attend ey's semiar on GST at raffles city's swissotel!haha..yeah!good good!

next week's thurs n fri are occupied too. thurs: my belated bdae celebration at my favourite WARAKU RESTAURANT at marina sq!den fri. mtg with weinee to celeb her bdae!haha..still tinking of where we shld go..:)

ytd was toking to a nbs fran n nw a fellow PA fran in EY..hes weird lah..kept laughing at the fact that i wasnt attached before!dun be so mean lehs..dun ask y i aint at all..those jus aint the right feelings..dats all i can sae..or mb dey r jus normal frans..nothing more than 'just' frans..really..okie..lyk wad jiaqi said: high expectation/s..yahyah..i agree n ya do stop harpping on this topic alr k?so malu when we were in the train n he was toking bt it in his deep low voice!haha..but im proud of my single status!!serious!!so carefree!!haha

okok..tmr gg to meet up with council frans!cya peeps..!settlers cafe!!yay!!no place..wah..cfm gg broke yeah?haha

im happy..

im glad dat my tutees did realtively well for their exams..phew!at least all werent in vain!haha..

the next week is gonna be exciting!so many events n mtgs n activities going on. sun is gg to be crucial..im praying hard..i musnt let mummy down!i musnt le myself down either!its our dream..if luck aint gg to be on our side..ive gt to face it..but we will try yea?meimei, we will try yeah?:)

tmr gtta wrk again!but only for 3 days!yeah!!!!so happy..

mb thru channelling my energy away..its this satisfaction which im gettin..im busy but i dun mind cox mes pursuing smthg which i luf..its a passion which aint gg to die dwn so soon..not so soon!

alrites 1145pm n its really time to concuss!wrk tmr:( sians but nvm! the week will pass soon n im excited over it!yes!i am!!really:)

the 2nd step and its not ending!

we've conquered the 2nd step today and it's jus not going to simply end here!it's our dream..a common hope..n we've both worked hard for my this..its indeed a splendid feeling to be able to get into the semis!wanna thank yanshan,yiting,my sister's pals for being there to support us!!thanks babes and jethro?the dude?haha..despite the heat and the hrs u pals stayed for the release of the result!appreciate u guys!realli!!
me n tings took pic with e special guest-sugi frm jue dui SUPERSTAR!haha..shan was so paiseh to tk w him yeah?in the end shans becm our photographer..sugi is quite friendly..i dare not look at him closeup..so paiseh..haha..but hes nt bad lahs shans..jus dat he had makeup on..for a guy its weird..but hes an artiste!hes so funny stood a little dist frm me in the photo..haha..extremely eager to see the pic tings!!send ME!!thanks dearie!!haha

next rd will be dis sat..n its time again to decide on the next song..haha..n this is always the toughest for us!firstly, limited VCD, next gtta get a sg that suits both of us..haha..its RD 3!

saying im nonchalant bt it will be deceiving myself..we took the first step and now we r in to our 3rd step!its an experience!i guess i jus luf attention..the stage..luf to see the expressions..im HAPPY:) we r wrking hard and hopefully 3rd june will be the big day for me n sis! guess this will be the most memorable gife for my sis as her bdae falls on june 1st!haha..meimei we mus wrk hard okie? believing is a powerful tool!n ive chosen to channel this belief into wad we r enjoying today..it may not be great..it may be seen as tiny as compared..but im banking on our youth..our interest..the opportunities! theres one more!!shld we go?i m considering..

jus when everyone is planning for the 'NEAR' future be it studying or working..im dreaming..im in my lala land..in my disneyland..in my dreamland!yah..it has never ceased!im in my foreign land..

next week is gg to be super xciting!mon work..tues will be mtg shans n tings for da vinci..wed lunch treat frm my directors..thurs n fri attending GST convention at raffles city instead of wrking in office!haha..sat is gonna b the bestest!morn tuition,after competition, nitex fionas bdae party!haha..gg to go there all dolled up..oopps!no choice!n sun its back to tuition again!

jus when i wanna share my joy n excitment with u, u aint in the mood..afraid to msg ya n bothering ya as well..u haf ur problems too..really hope u will see ur light soon..dun ever think of slping forever..we r still young!we cnt..love may ultimately nt be the only thing we live for..we haf our family too..dey cnt be overlooked..weve gt to realise this yeah?

dunnoe y ya haf such conflicting thots..so weird gtting confused by wad ive been reading..u r lucky to haf ya family n ur gal with u..god will be w u n u will cm to realise it really soon..

its slping time!!!haha

jus so touched!

I AM SERIOUSLY SO SO TOUCHED!!haha

I AM SIMPLY SO ELATED!!:)

ytd me was super pissed n my mood was so so low..it was because me had many missed calls while i was having my internship training!urghh..both from hall office which demanded me to settle my hall application bill by ytd n another events company!freaky!jus simply wanted to switched off the stupid phone lahs!!!irritated..

i din of cox..jus wanna complain..

was so bothered that me cun go bk to sch to settle the bill cox of attachment n by the time mes bk in sch its alr lyk 8pm!whu will be ard?msged almost those peeps whom i could seek help frm..excluding those on pa as me..haha..those whu always helped me thru r on pa as well..so cant..sheesh..was so desperate alr dat me even msged my sis to help!haha..at the back of my mind i knew she cant but jus wanna try my luck..in the end thot of my cult sec!haha..hes lyk forever in hall..sighh..no luck either..whu the hell will be in hall during the hols!nontheless he was kind enuf to ask me to try gtting the engine guys n he told me darrens tking a module!!n i did seek help frm darren!was jus trying my luck since i was super despo alr!i was really so relieved that he actually agreed to help!!haha..was i plain lucky or wad!i cnt imagine!!shld had msged jianming earlier dey!haha..

i was halfhearted n nearly wanted to call hall office to jus cancel my application if me really cant find someone whus able to lend me a hand..really i dun mind jus withdrawing n of cos me do noe the consequences which i will have to bear.yah im aware!its not so easy to jus help me pay the bill at the office but to gt em to print the letter, go to the students affair center which is relatively far n den gtting a sticker n back to hall office again!so tedious!if im not on the way me will not be willing to help too!dats y im really surprised dat darren actually din mind!yah..i hope he did haf lesson in sch today n he did haf his car with him or else ill feel really bad about it n SAO is how far if one is to walk frm hall to that place!!inaccessible!no matter wad!i really really really really * infinity wanna thank him!!!

THANK YOU DARREN!!!haha

finally one 'trouble' is settled..now handling two things at one go..ones work and the other me shant say..jus hoping for the best:) mel u cant sae okie?heehee..

ive mentioned this bfore i guessed..im easily impressed n this time rd its not only so but utterly shocked..haha..cant believe that theres still nice pple ard at least helpful pple!!wow!!!haha..kkie shall stop blabbering bt this alr since its settled alr!!haha

todays first day at gst department.. the perm staff r friendly..guess its jus a start..apprehesive of how it will really be lyk..seriously speaking mes not really liking wad im doing!im not..not liking the clothes ive to be in considering wad i usually wear..not enjoying the kinda work im involved in..ive yet to really touch on the actual stuff shall me shall make some reservations bfore me will comment any further!

mes falling alsp n its only 938pm!shall wake up early tmr to read thru wad i haf for wrk..braindead now:(

(heh!din really noe wad actually happened to you recently..so sorry that mes gtta be on pa n cnt help ya much..if ya really nid a listening ear mes ard yea?though me may be ignorant of alot of things tink i can still manage..rem? smiley is always ard n she wanna see u smile n not be upset:)

first day at keppel tower cont'd

lemme carry on with my entry which i had left off this morning..

i cun bring myself to slp on wed night. it was a surprise as weve hafen msned for so long for at least a few mths..mths?i guess so..i was happy.the warmth is back..its so nice to haf a brother who asks bt u, whu cares for ur future..whus dere to listen to ur problems..shld i sae im partly blessed?i dunno..im not letting myself fall into dat again, not allowing myself to be inflicted again..i cant. yah hes my brother.appreciating those concerns.no i dun wish that we will be in the same company in the yrs to come, im so sorry to haf to sae this.in fact i cant bring myself to sae this to u..im sorry.so self defence i tink this is the best for me.ive learnt to be self-fish..its not innate in me but ive gt no choice..HURT is the last wrd im willing to accept in my vocab. ive turned colder twds a lot of things, a number of pple. this seriously is wad i hate to do.theres no way i can turn back the clock n stop these frm happening. i cant. noeing that u care is enough for now.(do u really care?) even if ya dun, ya arent to be blamed. u haf no responsibility to do so, y mus u? i do rem wad ya said, the outings etc. i thank u for these memories, sweet den but turned bitter now they are jus buried deeply but nv deep enuff to be forgtten.hated u den, mb this 'hatred' had evolved to 'numbness' yah im indifferent alr..almost so pls dun confuse me anymore n i cant be shaken. at the bottom of my heart, i wish u well..denying one may sae but ive come thus far, ive to be in denial, this is it. its heartache even till now..its embarrassing that ive to admit n i detest myself for this.

life has to go on..my life revolves rd wrk n gifing tuition.i dun mind not gg out.i dun mind hafing no life.i yearn to stay at home. sleep my hours away..relaxing via watching tv flipping thru papers, even gt nagged at by my mum..yah i seriously dun mind animore. i guess vonnie has described pretty accurately bt the crisis which was reflected in her blog.used to love to meet up with pals used to love org mtgs. nowadays im waiting for peeps to date me instead..no initiatives no energy to plan for meet ups. some times waiting for confirmations which nv came. im too lazy either to msg n confirm with em. i tried spending a day waiting for the gathering but it nv cm even on the day itself. a few days ago, was waiting for another confirmation but in the end me still msged to confirm. mb if ive known the mtg aint gg to tk place i could ve arranged another mtg. i din n spent my vesak day slping n slacking instead. yet again, im alritex wif this. shld i sae im jus plainly lazy? or haf i gtten tired of everything? mb im lacking e courage to do so for reasons which i shant mention n im still considering my last resort. cost is an issue n i jus cnt refrain myself frm wanting to try them. i wun noe if it will be effective till i tried it. i wun noe.

so much had been said, that much i had done, nothing more i could do, wishing its not the end

dreading the cming weeks of work:(

first day at keppel tower

yesterday was the first day we tax interns were at keppel tower located near tg pagar MRT..in order to create a 'good' impression me wore my long sleeves as usual but ended up perspiring like mad when i finally reached the train station!DAMN!!urghh!wad made me worse was that the train was so so packed that there wasnt aeven an inch for me to step into the carriage!(kah hon, me noe wad u will be thinking!!yahyah..haha)that caused me to be late n all of us had to speed walk lyk mad to keppel!

ey's office at keppel twr is much pleasant lking or shld i sae furnished compared to the ocean's bldg..overall not too bad..n we gt treated to lunch at one of the restaurants at craig rd by the partner!wah we din gt this treatment when we were at the audit department..but afterdat, the 'bomb'came..tax computation..sigh..wondering hw different GST works..i chose GsT over corporate TAx cox me wanna try new things since ive done personal income tax at IRAs, studied corp tax so me always yearning to be different chose GST instead. there r only me n another SMU guy in GSt..at least i aint alone yah?haha..shall see how when mon starts..mon will be another day of trging den its really dwn to work..in the meantime me shall enjoy this lg week end n do my tax computation!haha..

ytd wanted to go kbox w sis n her frans in the end it turned out to be so ex cox its public hols day eve!wah the...in the end went to watch poisedon!!haha..the shw started at 720pm n we decided to watch n bought tixs at 730pm by the time we went in after collecting my popcorn we were alr late n the shw started..haha..but luck was on our side!haha..minutes into the shw sth cropped up n they restarted the shw frm the beginning!!haha..if we werent lucky den wads this called?haha..it was sth lyk perfect storm n i wanted to resurrect that moments when i watched it henceafter reading the reviews n the movie followups in the papers decided that me mus watch POISEDON!haha..next will be da vinco code!i wanna go to the lidos theatre!!i lyk the popcorn there betta!!haha

okie..running late..shall continue with dis post again