PRINCESS!

was so glad last thurs that i rented a veri princessy and victorian like gown for my hall's dnd this cming sat!
din noe dat my freshies r so enthu to go rent on wed when dey were act. suppose to do fund raising!!yah!its FUND RAISING!
will definitely take lotsa pics on sat!haha
its a dream come true..

ive come to realise that my blog is no longer a safe place to enter my personal life!to b more specific...those emotional crap which i had just gone through..
FRANS!dont worry im doing better nw!heehee..since sch has started im busy wif wk n hall life!so happy nw!haha..new frans new sem new hallmates..new activities...new hunks?haha...

wadever...im gg to do tut alr!lalala...

everything will be fine one day..
believe ill find my happiness soon...haha

take care peeps!
love u lots!

its really time to forget

today is alr the wed!the third day of sch..however, today's flag day so gt no sch!haha..in hall..gg to finish this entry and concuss!wanna do hw bfore gg out ltr..

its just so ridiculous!last week was just having fun in hall camp n nw?a week has passed!

yesterday was initiation run..jus had supper..as u all noe i dun take supper--ba chor mee!!..had a bit of pastry n fruits..

mes quite tired...still not feeling well as i was hafing fever for the last 3 days..now its blocked nose!oh no!still having migraine..bad!

yah jus to update..its truly time to forget since hes attached..yah!quite expected ritex?i din wanna noe whos she n was unintrested at all!he msged n told me..i din read it carefully till ytd!haha..but it really doesnt matter who alr..

im jus disappointed, utterly speechless bt his decision..his behavior..
i just dun wanna see him..dun wish hes within my sight!
he saw us ytd..i noe..i din look as if i wan him to walk over..at least yah...i din wanna see him...

maybe its jealously as u may term it..but c'mon!guys n gals r the same...mb when u guys club...it will be the same!

im tired...dozing off...so this is a short entry...

seekinG innER peaCE

ive decided for the first and the last time to just let things go!to let HIm go!grt him out of my mind!get him out of my LIFE!

went ktv w him, mingfeng,gary dennis,benson ytd at the party wrld at clementi..quite fun to sing n din really expect that i was the onli gal w 5 guys..he was busy msging his sp cum nearly gg steady gf-charmaine!wadever..i was minding my own business..

hated the wae he told me that they held hands
irked by the way he told me they kissed
despised him for breaking up pple even bfore he had cfmed that shes the one
disgusted by his current attempts to date 3 gals
disappointed for his behavior
utterly speechless when he complained dat he shuld haf the chance to choose like gals..

my heart just went 'THUMP!'
it sank!hw cm he became lyk this?
he wasnt the nice gor ive met..or haf known
mb this is hid true self?his true colours..
i choose to not find out the answers to my doubts
in any case he has more or less tarnish his own impression in my mind..
hes no longer the zikai gor whom i noe..

met up with shanx today..shit i teared at coffee bean when i told shanx what happened and stuff..hw embarrassing..i just cun control...
im gg to be strong frm now on!
ive friends who care..
ive friends who love me..
ive my sis to standby me..
im blessed..!!

i can survive!im gg to be strong
im gg to give other guys a chance..
yah..i need to forget..
maybe when im well attached..i may tell him hw i felt bt him..

hall camp is cming and im gg to be a great gl..
im not gg to think so much..its a good way to forget...to not think..to jus have fun!

fRAns dO caRE!

yah..i noe frans do care!

was looking for a shopping khaki ytd and just when i thought i wld be gg twn alone, zhiwei actually accompanied me!haha...thanks zhiwei!hope u werent too bored by me!haha..bought a pair of URS shoes n a bag and nail polish!haha...thanks thanks!

todae went blading with zhiyu at ECP and bought a pink necklace...to go w my dress for DND!thanks zhiyu for acc. me today!im damn slow lah...paiseh..!heh..
nice skirt which ya haf bought!

i must gear up for my hall's camp next week and guess wad got 3 freshies in my hall!so exciting!

just to reassure myself..im coping well i think..though i still hope for some miracles to occur..hoping for msges...hoping..

i guess i need time again..i need frans to acc. me i guess but im well aware that u guys are busy with ya own stuff so...yupps!dun worri!mych's reopening i will get involved in sch work and activities and will forget..ill have new frans..new eye candies...new ambitions..new focus!

muckxs!
frans i love guys!
im very fortunate dat u nv forsake me!nv desert me!thanks thanks!!

hugssxx and kisses!

mY coasT is clEaring

re-read my previous few posts and was disappointed w myself..but looking at my nick,friends u guys will know that yah..im recovering already..

thanks for the little msges u guys sent via msn to show ya concern!thanks alot!

wanna specially thanks huishan,weinee,zhiwei,darius,jeremiah(though i din tell u anithing,)vonniE,weikai and LASTLY my dearest beauty world's dance partner:CHARMAINE!

thanks partner for ur chidings ytd and i felt a bit better..i mean yah..u were right to say that we should not live in sadness..

ive promised u that i wun cry anymore..and yesh!i give u my promise and u too said that u will not be easily affected by others' feelings oso!lets keep our promises kaex!and great lets go n makan good food when we r free!haha..its great to haf such a funloving senior like u!

went to trim my hair this morn n bought sm stuf...as usual onli trimmed but unnnoticeable..haha...
den went to sch to make og identity..turned out onli me darren joy n junwen...a bit of wasting my time transport and energy...nw im super tired...

was msn-ing edmund bt zikai's cousin, dennis and found out dat dey were super pissed w him...danny oso...de wrld his turning its back against him...not only cox hes a well known flirt hes also a liar..acc. to em hes not trustworthy..
im starting to feel a little doubtful but im dun care lah...

get a life man!

joleen is zai!i can get over!hes not worth it!

i shall sleep soon!and its blading on thurs!yippie!haha

hope to noe more peeps during the hall camp..e shuai shuai cool cool kind!haha

aiya gtta lookout for nice dresses for dnd both hall's and nbs!
gg to waste money again!aiyo broke le!

failuRe

im sorrie..ive failed!
i promised myself not to cry again after yesterday in the bathroom..
im silly i noe..

i was alright when he called to clarify what happened during the camp..i listened n i believed..there's no need for him to do that..he just need someone to be there to lend him a listening ear..yah..i did

battery went dead halfway..shit..whatever..today was a disgusting day..really gross!

i really dont wish to think about it anymore!especially after telling myself its not worth it..esp.when my tears were for him..hes sad i will be sad..hes depressed..ill be depressed...its never-ending..never-ending..

his actions never tally with his words..i choose not to doubt him but suddenly i think i may be tempted to think abt it..

he likes renhui..that's what he said..i noe..
he mentioned her again..

i just cant believe that i actually told him not to give up on her..asked him to jiayou!what the hell..

tears just rolled down my cheeks..i realised i cant control..simply cant..
im exhausted..realli is!how?m i gg to bring all these shit into the new sem?i dun wan!

'u r the nicest gal in ntu'
'im so blessed'

what's the point of telling me all these?
i dont wanna noe if im the nicest!i can be the nastiest..

i swear that im not gg to msg u again..
im not gg to arrange any meeting..
im gg to be super engrossed w my hall's foc..
im gg to enjoy myself during the camp..
gg to spend time w the rest of the gls..
gg to noe darren better..
gg to forget what u say..
gg to let go of the past..
gg to allow others to enter my life..
not gg to let u affect me..

no matter what i say i noe i cant do it once he msges/calls
theres no use!no way!

i need frans..i need support to forget..but my pals r all busy..
im alone...really alone..im sad..who noes?
nobody noes..
nobody must noe..
i dont noe..
u dont noe..
he dont noe..
no one mus noe..
but god noes..

back!

yeah back frm NBS camp!

super shagged thus slept throughout the day..

was rather satisfied with SHIVA..though at times i was pissed w them!their slowness their unwillingless to be more enthusiatics!i was pissed then..

to cut things short as i was really tired and need to sleep...
im convinced...

im convinced n could no longer deny bt my feelings for ...
yah i gt uncomfy when i see him flirting w other gals..or shud i be frank and say im jealous..yah i was..during the camp..

u sux man!u sux to the core!i hate u!ive never felt this way in my life before!

just tell me u r attached and everything will be fine!either u get attached or i have to!it will be best for both of us!
tearing sux!crying sux!heartbreaking sux!its painful!it really is!

who is the tk/vj gal u were toking bt?just tell me!i hate the mystery..the guessing...u just get ot of my mind wun u!torturous soul!sinful guy!

why am i so good to you?i just stop myself..i must learn to frm nw on!
yes i mean now!NOW!!NOW!!

im depressed...yes!i am!
sad..hurt..broken..despondent..ill..DEAD!!

yah..stupidity is the wrd!

just toked to huishan!

n i felt better after dat..nearly teared again when i was mentioning bt it again..

disappointment shud be the wrd..n he msged me to tell me hes angry w ***

huishanx knew me too well and von n linnie asked me bt it too..

let me clarify: there arnt anione in my life nw...n i had to admit dat during the hols i did enjoyed the times we went out but its nt dat kind..at least im convincing myself dey r nt..

had two camps last week and another coming in 6 hrs' time!met up w freshies last sat and fd out dat there were 2 vj seniors!haha..so fun so fun!im gg to noe more people!so fun!cant wait..

during these 2 days im gg to see him everydae..but im nt letting him affect the amt of enjoyment ill be gtting frm the camp!

till sat..ill be back

take care babes n dudes!

oh yah!im happy for u charmainex...haha...'dear partner!'
(see!im using 'dear' too!fair ritex?"))